god, i hate religion

when i was a teenager, i was your typical angsty, anti-establishment, greasy-faced dummy. i really just enjoyed shocking people so while i spouted lots of anti-christian rhetoric, i never really gave it much thought or actually cared about it. i mean, i stole my brother’s copies of the necronomicon and anton lavey’s satanic bible and felt pretty cool about it but i happily celebrated xmas too.

now i’m middle-aged and feel like i should be mellowing out but instead i find myself harbouring an ever deepening grudge towards christianity. it’s been getting pretty bad lately. i keep thinking about different aspects that really bug me — like how asinine it is to believe that your god is real while the gods of all the other religions in the world are not. that’s arrogant and hypocritical as all hell. it’s like claiming you have an invisible blue tiger for a pet and he’s REAL, but if anyone else says the same thing, you think they’re a fucking idiot. guess what, you would BOTH be idiots.


i call him ‘jesus.’

something else i really hate is how christianity uses fear to indoctrinate people, especially when they’re young. i am a perfect example of this. when i was a kid, my parents took me to sunday school, and i went to a lot of christian summer camps too. every time they talked about the devil, about hell, about eternal suffering if i didn’t do what they said, i was absolutely terrified. i can still clearly remember some of the paintings and depictions they showed us of satan, that’s how much they impacted me. and now here i am, a full grown adult, and there is still nothing i find more frightening than the idea of satan. it’s pure luck that this phobia never manifested itself by molding me into an avid church goer.

why would anyone want to do that to a child, to scar them for life with fear? well, i think the adults who showed that scary stuff to me probably weren’t intentionally trying to scare me. they likely really believed that stuff and thought they were educating me, saving my immortal soul. they were probably indoctrinated by the generation before them with the same techniques. it’s just like any other abuse cycle, except this abuse is institutionalized.

i also hate how many denominations of christianity there are. catholic, protestant, orthodox — and within those, literally hundreds of sub-denominations. so which is the right one? each person will tell you their denomination is, of course! how lucky for them. horse shit.

i also hate how i never hear christians talk about the crusades and all the other horrible things that occurred because of their faith.

i hate how when a muslim attacks people here in north america, it’s called terrorism, but when a christian does the same thing, it’s called a ‘shooting.’

i hate that so many pedophiles are associated with the christian church.

i hate that christian churches and symbols are all over the place but if i tried to open a church of satan anywhere, i would face a mountain of backlash.

but it’s not just christianity that’s the problem — it’s all religions. any fairy tale that inspires so much hatred, fear, ignorance, war, terrorism, child abuse, and all other manners of psychopathic behaviour, should be tossed in the trash. it seems like that should be common sense yet inexplicably, humans are addicted to this harmful shit — the term ‘opiate of the masses’ really nails it.

i think all of my beefs are legitimate but i can’t help feeling like i’m being childish to be so anti-establishment at age 37. it seems like i should have gotten this out of my system over 20 years ago, but i guess i didn’t think about it enough to get appropriately outraged back then.

better late than never, i suppose. hail satan.


fuck corpses

i’ve read in the news a few times lately about people who have died while traveling abroad in other countries. the families usually want to arrange to have the body brought back home.


our bodies are not who we are. our bodies are merely vessels that allow our brains, our personalities, to get around and do stuff. when we die, our bodies are like the molted skin of a reptile — it served its purpose and now it’s just an empty husk. your pet lizard isn’t in there anymore, just like your spirit, soul, essence, or whatever you want to call it isn’t in your body anymore after you die.

i don’t even know why we have stuff like open casket funerals with the bodies of the dead, or why people keep ashes of dead loved ones. i think it makes about as much sense as hold a big ceremony for your pet lizard’s molted skin, or burning it and keeping the ashes in a jar. it’s absurd. if you want to honour or remember a dead person, you sure as hell don’t need their body their to do it.



people are generally weird about death though, i think.

stranger things 2 sucks, and snipers are glorified murderers

jenn and i just finished watching stranger things 2. i think it mostly sucked. of course there were elements i liked, like the many nods to classic fantasy/sci fi/horror tropes and how they continue to nail so many small details about the 80s, but overall i think this season was really muddled and half-baked. there were so many subplots and relationships between characters that were introduced and then never explored or resolved. there were also a bunch of new characters and none of them were given any development. it was just like, “time for a new bully. steve is out, billy is in. that is all.”

i’ve got so many specific complaints, mostly about undeveloped or unresolved things, that i’m gonna list ’em.

  • eleven’s jealousy of/dislike for max — came up several times, nothing happened with it.
  • mike’s dislike for max — came up several times, nothing happened with it.
  • sexual tension between billy and mrs. wheeler in the last episode — came up once, a lot of time was spent on it, it was fun but it didn’t go anywhere.
  • billy’s abusive father — came up once, sort of explained billy’s bad attitude, seemed like it was going somewhere, but didn’t.
  • nancy and steve — are they broken up or not? never explained.
  • nancy and jonathan — are they together or not? never explained.
  • how did steve turn from the school’s biggest, toughest badass to a wimp overnight, getting picked on by the new tough guy and getting his sensitive heart broken by his girlfriend? that’s ridiculous.
  • kali and the chicago punks — what the hell was the point of that? a whole episode just to show how eleven learned to focus her anger to intensify her power? then we never see kali or her lame gang again — utterly pointless.
  • while i’m on episode 7: eleven showing compassion for her enemies when she almost kills that retired lab guy, then doesn’t — that seemingly important element never comes up again.
  • another episode 7 complaint: the retired lab guy says dr brenner is still alive but nothing ever becomes of this incredible news. i’m assuming this seed is being planted for a major plot line in a subsequent season of the show but i think if that is the case, there should really be some other hints or evidence of it peppered throughout this season the show.
  • billy’s vaguely racist feelings on lucas — seemed like it was going somewhere but didn’t.
  • when the “demodogs” are loose in the lab facility, why do they kill everywhere but dr owen? he’s only got a few minor flesh wounds. how absurdly convenient.

now, i like art to have a healthy amount of ambiguity. i don’t like things spelled out, i want to use my brain, be left with some questions, fill in the blanks. but there is a clear line between being artfully ambiguous and being inept and lazy, and this season of the stranger things was definitely the latter.

really, the thing i liked the most about stranger things 2 was the fact that our new kittens liked to cuddle with me on the couch when jenn and i watched it, and the show provided a vehicle for that. i definitely didn’t hate the new season but i don’t think i’d recommend it to anyone at this point.


very disappointed with the show but jeez, this is a great pic. what a bunch of good looking kids, on top of the world and enjoying it. you have to be happy for them. will looks so much better without that fucking bowl cut.

new topic: it occurred to me today that military personnel are trained and given the implements to kill people — despite the fact that murder is illegal in most countries, and the death penalty is becoming increasingly rare. that strikes me as really odd. especially trained military snipers, they specialize in being ruthlessly efficient killers, but if they did the same thing outside of their military jurisdiction they would be persecuted, jailed, and possibly even killed themselves. it’s an incredible double standard. who gets to say when it’s ok to kill someone, and when it’s not, when killing is absolutely illegal for 99.9% of us?

i’d like to see the names and faces of military officials who authorize the use of deadly force, and the names of faces of people who carry that stuff out. i want to look in their eyes and see if i can discern any hint of a god complex or some similar psychopathic disconnect from the world that most of us live in. i wonder if sanctioning murder or being a sanctioned murderer weighs on the psyches of those folks the same way it might on the mind of a common criminal, despite having some sort of social license. do they wrestle with it? do they feel guilt? do they feel justified? do they view their ‘targets’ (what a cold term for a fellow person) as nothing more than that? do they have to turn off any sense of empathy in order to do their job?

i need to meet a sniper and have a chat with them. i have a lot of questions.


i bet he has some problems at home.

negative investments

so patrick fox was just sentenced to almost 4 years in prison for harassing his ex-wife, desiree capuano, and also for a firearms offense. for those that don’t know, fox is the BC man who made it his life mission to “destroy” capuano for taking his son away from him, and created and maintained a website devoted just that. he used the site to expose unsavory details of her personal life, like drug use and criminal boyfriends.

i think this is one of those cases where both parties are guilty — i find when opposing sides both claim they are totally innocent and their nemesis is the cause of all the problems, the truth is usually somewhere in the middle. in other words, both fox and his ex-wife are probably pieces of shit. there are too many questionable or dubious details on both sides for either to be the angels they claim to be.

but be that as it may, fox proved himself to be the bigger piece of shit by devoting himself to the purely negative endeavour of destroying capuano’s life. dedicating your life to the destruction of your child’s mother, becoming a social pariah, and ultimately being sentenced to prison for the whole debacle, has nothing but a profound negative influence on his child. as much as fox believes his ex’s behaviour is harmful to their child’s well-being, he’d have to be completely out to lunch to not acknowledge his own behaviour being just as damaging, if not more so.

then again, to have come this far — to have married and had a child with someone he claims is so worthless and destructive, to have invested so much energy in a purely negative pursuit, to publicly defend his actions and truly believe he was doing nothing wrong, to end up in jail for it — it’s clear that patrick fox is in fact 100% out to lunch. there is obviously no reasoning with him so i guess all bets are off anyway.

i usually consider myself a fairly negative bastard, but then i learn about people like this and i realize i’m actually pretty normal, at least when i compare myself to a sociopath. i can’t imagine creating a website devoted solely to complaining about something!

wait a minute… (jk, jk. i’m not that bad. or am i???? to be continued!!!!…… 😀 😀 😀 )


what a weird, spiteful idiot.

99.9% of the scents people put on their bodies are fucking gross

i hate how most cologne, perfume, body spray, deodorant, etc smells. i don’t care if it’s for grandmas or jersey shore-type douchebags or pretty girls, it virtually all sucks. there is only one time i remember smelling someone who put on a scent that actually made me go, “wow, that smells nice.” i was 19 at the time, it was my girlfriend, and she was wearing something that smelled like apples. it was a pleasant, recognizable scent, and it seems like a fitting one for a pretty girl. it just makes sense.

what doesn’t make sense is every other smell people put on. it all smells like a weird mix of chemicals, like a combination of pine needles and windex. that’s what most “nice stuff” smells like to me. it’s shit.


“you smell good tonight, honey. what’s that scent you’re wearing?”

the exception, of course, is patchouli, which i despise only slightly less than all the chemical stuff i’m talking about. that stuff smells musty, like fucking mothballs, and it always reminds me of people who want to be considered hippies. that stuff sucks too.

i have always wondered why there aren’t perfumes and deodorants for smells and tastes i enjoy — like chocolate, or vanilla, or black licorice. or like i just mentioned, apples! why in 37 years have i only noticed one person smelling like apples? or any other fucking fruit, gee whiz. watermelon, strawberries, oranges, those would all be fantastic. i’d love to get close to a girl and smell any one of those things.

but for all this bitching, i have to admit i’ve recently come across a few deodorants that i actually like the smell of. one was an old spice deodorant called ‘amber’ that smells like black currants so i was using that but only until my lovely friend golda sent me some natural deodorants THAT DON’T MAKE ME STINK WORSE THAN USUAL (most natural stuff tends to have that effect, i’ve found), and they actually smell good too. my fave of the lot smells like blackberries. the brand is called routine (what a horrible name for any product but i can forgive it because i like the stuff so much) and i highly recommend them for people who don’t want to smear heavy metals in their armpits each day, and also want to smell like something real, recognizable, and pleasing — instead of smelling like a fancy household cleaning agent.


kids show actors are freaks

every now and then, i catch a minute or two of live action kids shows, and i am usually quite horrified. watch this, least for a minute or so.

i know the doodlebops are yesterday’s news and the kids today probably think they suck now but i don’t know the names of any other relatively current live action kids shows that illustrate what i’m talking about.

and what i’m talking about is the absurdly insulting tone and cartoon-ish overacting that some people think kids need, or at least want. i’ve worked with kids lots, kids of all ages, and i learned a long time ago that you don’t need to act like a fucking clown to connect with them. kids aren’t as fucking stupid as adults like to think. and the only reason kids like this type of asinine shit at all is because this is what they’ve been exposed to by the twisted adults around them — when all they hear is adults doing baby talk at them, that becomes normal to them. so baby-talking adults and stupid kids shows like the doodlebops are stunting children, desensitizing them to condescension. it’s so wack.

but there’s a bright side to this: there’s something i like to do whenever i catch a glimpse of live action kids shows. i like to think about those adult actors who are pretending to be so good, so nice, so silly, so fun, so wholesome, and i imagine what their lives are like once the cameras stop rolling. they have cheated on their partners. they are addicted to cocaine and booze. they have had abortions. they are divorced. they have spent a few nights in jail. they have experimented with various sexualities and are deeply ashamed of it. they haven’t spoken to their parents in 10 years. their underwear has some revolting stains but they keep wearing them anyway. they secretly want to kill someone.

i could go on and on but you probably get the gist of it: all the colourful outfits and giant fake smiles don’t change the fact that the actors are scum, just like every other person on this planet.

so the next time you catch a glimpse of the doodlebops or whatever popular show the kids are watching these days, picture those actors strung out on blow and having an orgy in a filthy apartment on a bare mattress on a living room floor. picture them driving to the dump and dropping off a bunch of shit that will never, ever break down and will probably still be there when the sun swallows the earth. picture them committing suicide, alone and depressed and loathsome. then see them with their adorable toothy grins and silly dance moves on tv, and laugh to yourself because you know they are actually super fucked up inside, just like anyone else.

Sad Clown

in that sense, all clowns are sad clowns.


my god, i love halloween.

last night, jenn and i volunteered at a haunted house in the small rural community of glenora. i absolutely loved it. having a legitimate reason to spend two hours in that halloween world of cheesy sound effects and decorations, and people jumping out to scare you, was a dream come true for me. i’ve loved halloween for as far back as i can remember, and that love hasn’t diminished at all. no word of a lie, i had cramps in my left side for the whole time we were volunteering because i was just that fucking excited. when we were waiting for kids, i was fidgety and amped up, like a kid on a sugar high or a douchebag who had just done a line of blow. that’s how affected i still am by the magic of halloween.

i also felt really proud to be taking an active part in something that means so much to me. i mean, when i go to a haunted house and am scared or surprised by whatever they have going on, i love it. it makes my night. i remember it, i treasure it. so to think that i may be on the giving end of that experience for someone else is heartwarming to me.

we’re going back there tonight, and i’m even more pumped because today is halloween — this is the big night, the real deal. there will be more people coming tonight, and it will somehow count for more. and then afterward, long after kids have retired home to count their loot and adults have blown out the candles in their jack-o-lantern and turned off the porch light, i will roam the streets of shawnigan and breathe deeply of the smells of scorched pumpkin meat and the sulfur of spent fireworks, and i will smash a few pumpkins.

because some things never change. just like haunted houses, smashing pumpkins is awesome no matter how old i get.


and guess what. i don’t feel guilty in the slightest. this is just the natural order of things.