a few weeks ago we had a bunch of friends over for a campfire. somehow the topic of kids came up and i made a comment about how bummed i am every time i hear of more friends getting pregnant. i said that i want everyone to do what makes them happy but it sucks for me when friends have kids and drop off the face of the planet–suddenly they’re too busy changing diapers and too tired from getting up in the middle of the night to come do stuff with us kid-less folks, or the stuff we’re doing is not really child-friendly in the first place, and that depresses me because i love my friends and hate the idea of losing them.
this is a 100% selfish and pretty rude statement. i realize that and want to apologize to all my friends who have or are going to have kids. i’m aware that they’re not doing something wrong or abandoning me. they’re doing a perfectly normal thing.
so i wind up feeling really torn. on one hand, i think that my complaint is legitimate. people who have kids do have less time for other things in their lives. kids are a huge investment of time and energy. and that does suck for those of us who don’t have them because we will see less of those parent friends. i have never been close with my family but have always been close with my friends so i guess that’s part of why this really gets to me. i’m sure most people who are close to their families would be bummed if they suddenly saw dramatically less of them too. so i think it makes sense that i’m so affected by the idea of my friends/’family’ suddenly not having time for me.
but on the other hand, the last thing i want is to make any of my pals feel guilty about their life choices, especially something so natural and normal. if i had any common sense at all, i guess i would just bite my tongue when the topic of friends having kids comes up. but i’m a loudmouth, no doubt about it.
i guess the best thing to do is somewhere in the middle. like letting friends know in a positive way that i hope they’ll continue to come over for campfires with the gang or go swimming at the quarry, and perhaps bring their dear progeny along with them, rather than saying something boorish like “great, there goes another friend. bummer.”
when i write stuff like this down, it seems so simple and obvious as to what the right thing to do is. it’s amazing that i’m unable to say or do these things at the moment i actually need to. i don’t think i’m stupid but somehow i have developed an incredible talent for taking a legit thought or feeling and stating it in a perfectly crude manner that no one will want to hear or take seriously due to its delivery.
i imagine every other post in this blog will somehow manage to fall into that category. but hey, if you’ve got a gift, flaunt it.