i think i have abandonment issues. i think that’s why i worry so much about friends having kids and not having the time to hang out anymore. my mom split when i was 5 and i don’t remember giving a rat’s ass about it at the time. i think i just went back to playing with transformers and building forts with my brother. but for how disproportionately focused on and fucked up i get over friends moving away or potentially growing apart, i feel like there must be something bigger at play in my mind and my folk’s divorce seems like the most obvious suspect.
not that it matters. the important thing is recognizing when you’re being a squid lips and stopping yourself from doing it anymore. i’m already working on that so i don’t feel the need to choke my pillow and scream MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY or anything. it’s just interesting that something i never gave much thought to may have been fucking with me subconsciously for so long.
spencer said something pretty sublime yesterday about friends becoming parents. he said something like “i think everyone is different. some people who have kids will get boring, and some won’t.” that’s about as succinctly and as perfectly as anyone can put it. i like it. so here’s hoping that all my tight pals will be in the latter category.
much love to all the gang.