newsflash: acting sexy is not sexy. also, my generation loves silliness and retro references.

speaking as a real person, i want to let women know that ‘smouldering’ eyes, come hither glances, languid movements, and lip- and teeth-licking are not sexy. at best, any half decent mate should find these things mildly irritating, and at worst, repulsive and puke-worthy. when i see a girl make those kind of phony gestures, i think “she’s imitating something she’s seen on TV. she’s trying to act like some kind of hyper femme fatale from a james bond movie but it’s clearly false and forced. she must be a psychopath. i’m going to walk over here to get away from her.”

fuck you

get real

smoky-eyes

wipe that stupid face off your head

the only guys who will buy into that kind of act are douchebags who are equally fake and insecure, and strut in the same phony way but with different mannerisms: wearing shirts as tight as possible to make them look bigger, buying shots for every pretty girl they see and driving huge trucks so they look flush, saying “fuckin” every second word to appear TOUGH and MANLY but then talking about how hurt they were by their ex-girlfriend to show how sensitive they really are. barf.

the only douchebag pics i can find are SUPER FUNNY MEMES that aren’t funny at all but i did find a plethora of underwear model jerks making the same goofy faces as the ladies.

a-sexy-eyes-14

just as bad. destroy.

fuck, i could go on for DAYS

i guess that’s all ok though because the phony girls should be landing the phony guys and vice versa. that should keep them all pretty busy and distracted from me and the few other sane humans kicking around.

hmmm. bearing that in mind: keep doing what you’re doing, douchebags and douchebagettes. good work. but please consider getting vasectomies and hysterectomies. there are plenty of you as it is and the world is running out of food, water, and space.

on an unrelated topic, every time i make a new post on here there is an interim screen that says ‘beep beep boop’ while wordpress prepares the template or whatever. and when i empty the junk folder in my hotmail account, it says ‘you have no junk mail in this folder now – hooray!’ or something like that. i’ve noticed similar lighthearted, mock childish comments/jokes and retro references in ads for banks and car insurance and whatever else that are aimed at people around my age (early 30s-ish). it strikes me now that my generation really loves this sort of unprofessional, uber casual, ‘child of the 80s’ retro reference. i find them hit and miss. i thought ‘beep beep boop’ was kind of cute but usually i find them asinine and annoying. yes, i grew up loving transformers and GI joe but i think the goofs my age who put decepticon stickers on their ford focus and say stuff like “DUDE, DUDE, i LOVE raphael, he’s totally the best ninja turtle, totes” must sadly grow up. i feel like they need to check out some serious and heavy stuff like documentaries on WWII death camps or listen to NIN’s ‘broken’, realize that life isn’t as carefree and fun as it was when we were kids, get depressed, and stop pretending that all it takes to be happy is a beer and a netflix marathon of 80’s cartoons. there’s a whole world of shit out there, waiting to crush you. once the overgrown kids acknowledge that, i’ll find them a whole lot less annoying.

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