is my blog my own personal facebook? no chance, lance.

this is me when i write blog posts, especially the formless disgusting man-breasts

some pals have wondered recently if by giving up facebook and eventually starting this blog, i simply replaced one with the other. my answer is an emphatic “how dare you! philistine!” ok, not that strong, but still a no.

facebook was a vampire for me. i would spend fucking hours on it reading about the most inane shit, then go get a drink of water or take a piss before going to do some real work or whatever. but then i would feel another strong urge to check my facebook just once more before i did anything else, just in case. in case of what, i have no idea. i guess that’s the addiction aspect of it. it doesn’t make any sense, i was just simply obsessed with it. it was a hopeless, endless loop of checking facebook. talk about a fucking waste of time.

conversely, i don’t think about my blog often. just when i come across something and think, “i need to bitch about that.” and i feel more like i own this space. while it is public, it’s far less public than facebook was so i feel virtually no accountability to anyone with it. maybe that will change when my readership expands beyond 2 views per day but for now, it still just feels like a sort of diary to me, and i don’t feel much obligation to be politically correct, or even correct at all — if it feels good or makes me laugh, i run with it.

and, oddly enough, this blog has turned into some kind of creative outlet for me. i wouldn’t say i like writing, but maybe i do. i like writing journals whenever i go traveling, and i like emailing daily bullshit with bill, and now i like this blog, so i guess i do like writing more than i knew.

that’s another great thing about this blog right there! self exploration. writing this crap down makes me ponder stuff further than i otherwise would, and i often wind up realizing things that i wasn’t previously aware of. like what a consistently cynical, negative prick i can be. jk, i’m well aware of that, and fully embrace it, obv. i like bitching.

another one of me hard at work! boy, i’m all over the internet these days. this blog must be really taking off.

back to the creative outlet thing. when i read back through my old posts, i generally like them a lot. i laugh at some of them, and that feels good. it’s actually pretty similar to how i feel about my sort-of current band, regulator: most of my pre-regulator music was pretty awful. i tried too hard to make serious, meaningful art. then with regulator, i learned to relax, not really set any bar of acceptability, and just do whatever felt good. once i did that, i wound up coming up with what i consider to be both low and high art: low because it’s base and simple, but high because i manage to channel the most important aspects of art — honesty and joy — and those elements make my crappy regulator music far better than any of the ‘serious’ music i previously wrote. and that’s how i feel about this blog. i don’t think about it much, i just start typing whatever feels good at the time and am usually pretty happy with the results.

and you can bet your nuts i didn’t get any of these great feelings of joy and artistic satisfaction from facebook.

here is my aforementioned band, regulator. it’s a stupid godawful racket but i love it.

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