fuck straws

i fucking hate straws. the next server who puts one in my drink is going to get a swift roundhouse kick to the fucking jaw. do i look like an 8-yr old kid? do i look like the sort of man who wants to sip so i don’t smear my lipstick? do i look like the kind of guy who wants to stuff landfills with plastic that will take thousands of years to break down because i’m too lazy to lift the goddamned glass to my face? because i’m none of those things. i’m a guy who hates a useless piece of plastic being put in my drink only to get tossed straight in the trash when i’m perfectly capable of drinking from a glass like a normal human being.

get fucked, you little weasel. wash that straw out and reuse it till the day you die, or live with the guilt of choking countless sea animals, and ultimately yourself and your children, with that super kool krazy straw of yours.

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