i like words and stuff, which is why i feel strongly when people fuck with them or waste them or use them in stupid ways or overuse them and take power and meaning away from something otherwise great. which is why these things really chafe my ass.
- hip silly things that don’t make sense. like ‘amaze-balls’ or ‘totes magotes’. how did ‘amazing’ and ‘totally’ turn into those, and why? what perverse mind birthed such twisted creations? they’re so fucking juvenile and stupid, i want to puke all over myself to show users how i feel inside when i hear those things.
- overuse and incorrect use of ‘literally’. like, “i went to the aviation museum and it was literally a piece of shit.” no it wasn’t, although that does conjure up some great visuals. or “i literally shit the bed on that one.” also pleasing to imagine but totally wrong. it’s supposed to be used when something sounds outrageous or implausible but actually happened in that way, but dumbasses just use it for emphasis, like a synonym for ‘totally’ or ‘seriously’. well, it’s not.
- describing anything and everything as ‘epic’. the waffles you ate were not ‘epic’. neither was your gnarly snowboard bail. if you journeyed by foot across hundreds of miles of desert, that would be epic. if your life story involved swimming across oceans and battling sea monsters, ripping the wretched grendel’s arm from its socket, then slaying grendel’s hideous mother, that would be epic. epic stuff is grand and amaze-balls, i mean amazing, not trite and silly.
- “i know, right?” this one is odd because if it weren’t a massive fucking trend, if it only happened occasionally and was entirely organic, i’d have no problem with it. but it’s been picked up by college girls everywhere and is probably used about 50,000 in a single interaction between any two given college girls. it’s like a girl version of “it is what it is,” which i already hated on long ago.
- ‘fail’. if i have to hear anyone else talk about their or anyone else’s epic fail, i’m going to stick a grenade in my mouth and make them watch while i pull the pin.
to be continued, i’m sure.