some couples are really insular. i don’t like it because it’s annoying, but i also think it’s super weird and unhealthy.
here’s an example. i used to know a guy who didn’t have much of a social life, just spent most of his time with his wife and kids. he mentioned a few times how he his wife was his only friend and that was all he needed. he always talked positively about her. they would visit each other while working all the time. they were pretty much inseparable.
then he cheated on her and left her for the other woman.
in all honesty, i thought the guy’s insular behaviour with his wife was really strange right from the get-go, especially the “i don’t need any other friends” comment. to me, that sounded like someone trying to convince themselves, not me. so when i found out that he had left her, i wasn’t surprised. i mean, how sustainable is it to only have one person in your life? his life must have been lacking so much in so many areas for so long because of his self-imposed social exile. who else could he talk to about interests she didn’t share, about their marital troubles, or even just for a change of pace? no one. he totally set his marriage up for failure.
i just remembered another thing that was a red flag to me. one of this guy’s sons was engaged to a long-term girlfriend when out of nowhere, she left him. within a few months, the son had moved in with a new girl. then he bought her a car. he was really jumping in head first. so i said to the dad that i think it’s unhealthy to jump from one serious relationship to the next. i said that it’s too easy to keep repeating patterns from the last relationship in the new one. it can create a false feeling of closeness due to the familiarity of the routine, or bad relationship habits (like bottling emotions so as not to upset the partner) can continue from one relationship to the next, that sort of thing. i told this guy that i think people should spend a good amount of time alone between serious relationships to bring themselves back to neutral, so they can become reacquainted with themselves and what they are like when they are not trying to keep someone else happy. this guy said he thought i was onto something and wondered if he was a long-term relationship addict himself. he said he had only been in a few relationships, and they were all serious, and they were all back-to-back. i guess he really did have some unresolved issues.
beyond all that serious stuff, it’s just really lame when couples will only come out as a couple. i hate it where people say stuff like “oh i can’t come out, ted has diarrhea tonight so i want to stay here and support him.” fuck ted and his diarrhea, let him shit his guts out in peace and come have a good time. it’s actually nice to see people without their partners sometimes, most people act differently when on their own so it’s a nice change of pace. i’m obviously not saying “always leave your spouse at home,” i’m saying “it’s ok to leave your spouse at home.”
unless your spouse is a fucking idiot. then you should definitely leave them at home. or dead in a ditch somewhere.