go fund yourself

i keep hearing about people using crowdfunding to pay for frivolous stuff, or to pay for important things while the person behind it continues to spend their own money on frivolous stuff. like, people crowdfunding to pay for their pet’s surgery while the owner is globetrotting through tropical paradises on the other side of the planet. or crowdfunding to pay for their wedding. or crowdfunding to pay for in vitro fertilization. maybe i’m the last sane person in the world, but i think asking anyone else to pay for those things is just fucking nuts. it’s insulting. go pay for your own shit, or take out a loan and pay it back, like every other self-made person in this fucking world.

if i’m on the other side of the planet and can’t afford to pay for my pet’s medical bill, i either shouldn’t be traveling or i shouldn’t have a pet because i obviously can’t afford both. and if i do wind up in that situation, i’ll borrow the money from a pal and pay them back posthaste, because that animal is my fucking responsibility, no one else’s.

“what?? give up my babies? you must be crazy!”

if i can only afford a modest wedding, i guess that’s what i’ll have to be happy with. no one owes me a big to-do. besides, weddings aren’t about how fancy the cutlery is or what style of table cloths were used. they’re about sharing a special celebration with close friends and family. unless you’re fucking insane and think weddings are a good form of PR or great for making your ex’s jealous. then you and i probably have very different expectations of a wedding.

i think the pyrotechnics were a tasteful touch.

my problem with crowdfunding for in vitro fertilization is a little different. i mean, i still obviously believe in living within your means — if you can’t afford it, that’s the end of it. no one owes you a kid. and i partially believe that if you can’t afford in vitro, you probably can’t really afford to raise the kid. however, i do understand that $10,000 for in vitro is a lot to come up with all at once, whereas the cost of raising a kid (i’ve read the average is $250,000 per child) is spread out over 18 years, so maybe this is one of the few ways a couple could make it happen. considering that, i can kind of look past that part. but here’s another complicating factor: when people donate to a cause, i believe they are owed results, and in vitro cannot guarantee anything — it may not work, it might end in miscarriage, it might end in stillbirth. it’s a gamble. and if it goes badly, what have all the contributors donated to? what do they get to see as a reward? all that money would end up as a handsome paycheque for some lucky prick and a lot of disappointment for everyone else. why should anyone sign up for that possibility? why should anyone else be shouldered with that potential disappointment? because someone else really, really wants to have a kid? if i really wanted a kid and it wasn’t happening, instead of asking people for money for something that might not work, i would consider adoption. god knows there are countless children already on this planet who need love, guidance, and a home.

nah, fuck it. i really, really want a late 70’s canary yellow pontiac firebird with t-tops and the giant bird decal on the hood. i’ve always dreamed of screaming around in one, blaring pantera, all summer long. but i can’t afford it! asking strangers to pay for that isn’t totally out of line, is it?

i need this. i deserve it. buy it for me.


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