i’m worried about getting intolerably weird as i age

i’ve been thinking about people that i haven’t seen in a while and how they have become polarized versions of their old selves. for example, imagine someone you knew a while back who was a little hippie-dippy but tolerably so. that aspect just used to give their character some flavour. but now they’re full-blown space cases, talking about the earth mother and shit. you catch up with them after a few years apart, and you walk away thinking, “holy cow, sam has really gone off the deep end.”

someone has to tell her.

i think part of the reason people lose touch with normalcy is that we tend to surround ourselves with like-minded people who encourage us in those polarized directions. it’s safety in numbers, like “everyone else in this hippie commune wears potato sacks and talks about how yummy lentils and soy are so i guess it’s not so weird.” i think the same thing can happen even within our families and friends, if we don’t get out much and all hold similar opinions on stuff.

and that makes me worry that i’m becoming, or have already become, an intolerable freak. do people ever walk away from me thinking that i’ve lost my marbles? if i’m really bad, maybe none of my friends would feel comfortable telling me. or maybe all of my friends are just as bad as me — maybe we’re all fucking weird already.

but i don’t actually think i’m an intolerable freak. i have strong opinions on every inane little thing but i don’t think that defines me. and i have a lot of great and varied friends who are very different from me. and they have historically told me when they thought i was acting wack, and i have done the same for them. so i think i’m ok…for now. but it’s something to keep in mind. it’s something to be afraid of.

someone has to tell me.


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