fuck ‘moving forward’ and all other professional buzzwords

i’m sick of hearing professional types saying stuff like ‘going forward’ and ‘moving forward.’ here’s an example of what i’m talking about.

“We’ve made it clear to Jon that this new opportunity to compete in UFC is a privilege and not a right, and that there are significant expectations we have regarding his conduct moving forward,” said UFC CEO Lorenzo Fertitta in a statement.

last year, old fertitta would have said “…regarding his future conduct” or “…regarding his conduct in the future.” but oh boy, it’s 2015 and everyone is using this ‘forward’ thing, like it’s a way to inject some positivity into whatever is being said, so ‘forward’ it is. well fuck it, i don’t like it.

another one that greg was recently bitching about is people using ‘fundamentally’ all the time, and particularly at really strange times. i agree with him. i think some folks believe it automatically adds weight to whatever stupid bullshit they’re saying. like “this facebook app is fundamentally flawed,” or “these pears are fundamentally the best around.” remove fundamentally from either of those statements and they’d be fine, but as they are, they’re fundamentally full of shit.

this isn’t a new thing. several years ago, i remember ‘proactive’ was the buzzword that every phony jerk was throwing around. you don’t hear it as often these days, and i think that in itself is evidence of the disposable ‘more up to date on the latest business trends than thou’ mentality that i’m railing against here. i actually think the simpsons said it best:

Excuse me, but “proactive” and “paradigm”? Aren’t these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important?

amen.

millennial-business-owner

going forward, be aware that hipster business douchebags are fundamentally stupid.

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