there is an old technique to aid in public speaking where you picture your audience in their underwear or something like that so that you feel more comfortable in front of them. i think it’s a fine technique but i don’t need it for public speaking. i actually like doing it all the time, to remind me that even the most snooty, lofty, clean cut, arrogant motherfuckers are as base and vile as the rest of us.


this man is just as gross as you and me and everyone else

i don’t just like to picture them wiping their ass after having a brutal liquid bowel movement, or popping huge zits on their back, or having stubborn staph infections. i like to picture them at their lowest moments of humanity, doing shit they regret or at least wish no one else knew about. like snorting cocaine at a party while their kids sleep at home. cheating on their spouses. going through messy divorces that involve screaming phone calls. having the police called to their homes for domestic violence. lying to themselves that they really are happy with their family and career. the shame they feel each time they remember they will have herpes for the rest of their life. seeing a therapist to help deal with their depression and suicidal thoughts. looking in the mirror and hating how their body has aged. hating themselves each time they fail at quitting smoking or sticking to a diet. saying horrible things to their friends and loved ones that they wish they could take back.

sometimes when i see people i don’t like, i like to imagine looking them in the eyes and telling them that i know they do all these things. that i know they’re a horrible, disgusting piece of shit behind their thin veneer of cold professionalism, or overly loud phony confidence. i want to tell them that i know what they look like utterly naked, and they are every bit as pathetic and wretched as the poorest, sickest child dying in the dirt in some third world desert. because we all are, regardless of facades. we’re all weak, susceptible, flawed. we’re all human.

i prefer it when people can admit it.

god, this one felt good.


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