no automatic transmission in my firebird. no way.

i’ve mentioned before on here how i have a long-standing love of late 70’s firebirds. they’re the only muscle car that has ever given me a boner.

1979_pontiac_firebird-pic-23496-1600x1200

oh motherfuck yeah

so, even though i would never buy one unless i suddenly became obscenely rich and could afford to have a useless car i only drive a few days out of a year and the free garage space to store it, i occasionally look on craigslist and whatnot for them. i see some really nice ones, like the one above, but i am absolutely dismayed that the vast majority of them are automatics. i don’t understand why anyone would want a vehicle, especially something powerful that one wields as opposed to drives, with an automatic transmission. to me, that defeats the purpose of wielding the goddamn thing in the first place.

i mean, automatics are so fucking unsatisfying. cars are pretty easy to drive — you give it gas to make it go and then aim it at whatever you want to kill — so if you remove the selecting of what gear you’re in at any given moment, it’s even easier. it’s basically a toy then, like a bumper car. stomp, go. when i see people doing burnouts and driving like maniacs in automatics, all i can think is, you think you’re wicked sick but you’re basically driving a fucking bumper car.

i want to control as much of what the car is doing as possible. if i want to drive it like a maniac, i will redline the goddamn thing in each gear before shifting up — for maximum performance, maximum fuel waste, maximum boneheadedness. i don’t believe an automatic will push the engine as close to self-destruction as i want it to go. and similarly, two blocks later, if i want to drive sedately so the police don’t suspect me of running over 3 school children and an old lady, or if i suddenly want to improve my fuel economy, i want to be able to do that too. and i don’t believe an automatic transmission can handle my bipolar, homicidal, fuel-conserving driving habits. not to the degree that i want it to.

and that’s really making my search for a firebird difficult. but it will be worth it. when i get a firebird, it will have a manual transmission and it will be glorious.

manualtrans

true evil

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