finally liking my stuff

i recently recorded an old song of mine at home, and i really like it. i like it so much that i’ve been listening to it a lot — so much that, as supportive as jenn is, she moaned “not again” the last time i put it on.

here’s the song.

i’ve played in bands since i was 14 and recorded lots of shit, and i hate most of the songs that i’ve recorded over the years. i don’t like the recordings, don’t like the performances on the recordings, and don’t even like the songs themselves — i can be very critical. but i love this one, and that’s refreshing as all hell. it’s not a perfect recording by any means but i think that overall it’s very good, and i was able to do for free in our dining room on a 15 yr old laptop.

i think my satisfaction with this particular recording is due to several factors. i had zero deadlines for getting it done so i could take as long and make as many changes as i wanted. plus by doing it all alone, i didn’t have anyone sitting around watching my performances. that helped me to relax and perform better. another benefit of working solo is that i didn’t have to deal with clashing egos: if i didn’t like what the drums were doing in one section, i didn’t have to be kind and supportive while telling the drummer that their part sucked and to do it again but totally differently, only to still be unsatisfied with whatever they did. instead, i just went ahead and changed it to something i liked.

essentially, by recording my own songs at home by myself, i’m able to tailor make music that fits my tastes exactly, so i shouldn’t be surprised i like it so much. i guess i’ve just been accustomed to disappointment for so long that this has really come as a shock.

we’ll see how the next home recording goes though. this is the first and only ‘serious’ song i’ve been happy with so maybe it’s a fluke. maybe i will make a future blog post on how frustrating, pointless, and unsatisfying writing and recording any music is, under any circumstances. maybe i should quit now, while i’m ahead with one positive experience.



3 thoughts on “finally liking my stuff

  1. This really brings me back to Ignis Creatio and Waves of Erotasia, from Pyogenesis. Yours is less flowery that what they did, but the tones and overall feel are similar. Great work!

      1. I loved them, back in the early 90s. Their sound changed though. They became skaters and lost me (nothing against skaters, just not what I was into). Those early albums though, heavy, artistic, experimental for the time, tinged with goth. I loved it.

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