there is something happening with my mind. i have now experienced at least 3 premonitions that have made me sit up and take notice.
the first was several months ago. i met a guy and asked him what he did for a living before he retired. just before he answered, i thought to myself, “fireplaces,” and pictured a wood stove factory in duncan. about a second later, he said he used to sell wood stoves. i was surprised but thought it was likely i was mixed up, that i had actually had that thought milliseconds after he told me but for whatever reason, it felt like i had thought it before he spoke. but it really seemed like i had thought it first so that stood out to me.
then one day while working in the yard, a phrase popped into my mind. it was “the exterminating angel,” except i knew that exterminating was not quite the right word. i wasn’t sure why it had popped into my head and i reasoned that it must have something to do with a poisonous mushroom jenn had told me about years before, called the destroying angel. neither exterminating or destroying was the word i was trying to think of but they were both close enough that i figured the mushroom thing was probably the explanation.
but several days later while reading a book, i came across a part where a character foresaw his death at the hands of “the annihilating angel,” and my brain did a backflip. that was the word i had been looking for, the word that had been on the tip of my brain’s tongue. i don’t recall an annihilating angel being mentioned anywhere else in it so that really made me think something spooky was happening.
that was in early december, and i haven’t experienced anything similar until a few days ago when i was putting my socks on and thought of the faerie tale rhyme, “fe fi fo fum, i smell the blood of an englishman.” i hadn’t thought of that rhyme since i was a little kid, and wasn’t sure why it popped into my brain then. i considered how strange and dark old faerie tales are, and how odd it was that the song specifies an englishman (as if their blood smells different from other folks), but that was it. then a few days later, jenn and i watched an episode of rick and morty where they ran into a giant living in the clouds who spoke the same line i had been thinking of. once again, i was like, “whoooooahh.”
i think that for anyone who does not experience these moments of “whoah, weird,” it’s easy to write them off as coincidence or explain them in some rational yet totally unlikely way, like “you must have heard someone read that story to their kid recently.” but i know without a doubt that there was no reason i should have known where that guy used to work, that i have no recollection of learning about an annihilating angel prior to reading about it days after thinking about it, and that i hadn’t thought of that faerie tale line (or even the faerie tale itself) in countless years, so it’s incredibly odd to encounter each of them so soon after they popped into my mind for no apparent reason.
so despite usually being a skeptic, i think something cool is going on with my mind. it’s unfortunate that so far, i haven’t been able to tell the premonitions apart from the regular plain jane random thoughts. but a trend i’ve noticed is that the premonition thoughts seem to come out of nowhere, to have no link to anything i’ve been doing, reading, thinking, etc, so i want to keep an eye out for weird, random thoughts that make me go “huh,” and see if they don’t match up with something i encounter soon after. with some practice, i might be able to differentiate them from the usual shit.
this blog post will likely serve as the first concrete piece of evidence of when i started losing my mind.