i hate madonna

i know, there are a ton of equal and far more hate-worthy people in the world so why pick madonna? why focus on her? because i watched her video this morning. it’s that simple.

i’ve always hated madonna. she had some great singles back in the 80s so i picked up some of the albums those singles came from but except for those hits, the albums were utter trash. she didn’t even write the songs and they were still juvenile child’s play, so stupidly simple and straightforward. terrible music, terrible lyrics, terrible vocal performances, not even any hooks. by the mid-90s, even her singles sucked. so i haven’t given madonna much thought since about the year 2000 when i realized all this.

then a few years ago, i saw this video.

i learned that madonna can barely play an instrument despite being a lifelong career ‘musician’ (i use the term loosely, obv). even worse is that she dressed up in ‘rocker clothes’ (all black with those stupid fingerless, knuckle-less, open-backed leather gloves that i’ve never seen in real life because they are completely impractical) and finishes the godawful performance with a sad impression of a grand rock n’ roll finale ‘big guitar strum.’ wowee! it was all so pathetic that it has stuck in my mind clearly since i saw it those years ago.

while listening to zepellin recently, i decided to revisit this video to see if it was as bad as i remembered. it was, but even worse was the next video in the list, bitch, i’m madonna. i had never heard of this song before but i noticed it had over 240 million views. i thought, how could i have never heard this song when it’s obviously so popular? i wonder if i’m missing out on something good here? so i gave it a listen.

guess what. more trash. incredible.

  1. musically and lyrically, it’s just a cookie cutter new pop song, full of phony attitude (calling everyone ‘bitch’ and people giving double middle fingers), outrageous partying, and outdated EDM. i’m sure madonna would consider herself a trendsetter but i think that hopping on a bandwagon several years too late is anything but. this seems like a song and video that kesha threw away which madonna then eagerly picked up. that’s not a compliment to kesha, either. she sucks too.
  2. ‘featuring nicki minaj.’ every new pop song ‘features’ some other pop artist. it’s stupid. if a song can’t stand on its own merit, if it relies on guest appearances by famous people to garner interest, you know it’s a piece of shit.
  3. madonna is 58 at the time i’m writing this. i believe there is a way to be yourself while simultaneously aging gracefully but i don’t think madonna is doing it. i think she is having a really hard time admitting her age, and she looks positively absurd parading around as if she’s a 21-yr old hot brat. i actually wish this video was shot in HD so i could see her cracked, withered husk more clearly.

however, i take solace in the fact that the bitch, i’m madonna video has 1.5 million ‘likes’ and .5 million ‘dislikes.’ that’s a high ratio of disapproval for such a popular video. i’m grateful that a fair chunk of other people in the world feel similarly to me on this.


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