every now and then, i catch a minute or two of live action kids shows, and i am usually quite horrified. watch this, least for a minute or so.
i know the doodlebops are yesterday’s news and the kids today probably think they suck now but i don’t know the names of any other relatively current live action kids shows that illustrate what i’m talking about.
and what i’m talking about is the absurdly insulting tone and cartoon-ish overacting that some people think kids need, or at least want. i’ve worked with kids lots, kids of all ages, and i learned a long time ago that you don’t need to act like a god damn clown to connect with them. kids aren’t as fucking stupid as adults like to think. and the only reason kids like this type of asinine shit at all is because this is what they’ve been exposed to by the twisted adults around them — when all they hear is adults doing baby talk at them, that becomes normal to them. my point is that baby-talking adults and stupid kids shows like the doodlebops are stunting children, desensitizing them to condescension, and that’s wack.
but there’s a bright side to this: there’s something i like to do whenever i catch a glimpse of live action kids shows. i like to think about those adult actors who are pretending to be so good, so nice, so silly, so fun, so wholesome, and i imagine what their lives are like once the cameras stop rolling. they have cheated on their partners. they are addicted to cocaine and booze. they have had abortions. they are divorced. they have spent a few nights in jail. they have experimented with various sexualities and are deeply ashamed of it. they haven’t spoken to their parents in 10 years. their underwear has some revolting stains but they keep wearing them anyway. they secretly want to kill someone.
i could go on and on but you probably get the gist of it: all the colourful outfits and giant fake smiles don’t change the fact that the actors are scum, just like every other person on this planet.
so the next time you catch a glimpse of the doodlebops or whatever popular show the kids are watching these days, picture those actors strung out on blow and having an orgy in a filthy apartment on a bare mattress on a living room floor. picture them driving to the dump and dropping off a bunch of shit that will never, ever break down and will probably still be there when the sun swallows the earth. picture them committing suicide, alone and depressed and loathsome. then see them with their adorable toothy grins and silly dance moves on tv, and laugh to yourself because you know they are actually super fucked up inside, just like anyone else.