it’s the mooost horrible soooong of the yyyeeeaaarrr

yesterday the radio was playing non-stop christmas music while i was getting my hair cut. i was forced to sit through the trash and it drove me nuts. almost every christmas song is an utter piece of shit.

the one i hated the most was it’s the most wonderful time of the year. virtually every line of that song is insipid, stupid, or just plain unrealistic. let’s dissect it.

**************

It’s the most wonderful time of the year – false. besides xmas and new years, most people i know hate winter.
With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you “Be of good cheer” – i really fucking hate people using sentence inversions for the sake of rhyme schemes, and no one on earth has ever said to anyone else, “be of good cheer.” maybe i should say that to jenn the next time she’s in a bad mood. she’ll be confused AND aggravated.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year

It’s the hap-happiest season of all – hap-happiest? that’s stupid.
With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings
When friends come to call – i’m ok with this bit. it’s true.
It’s the hap-happiest season of all

There’ll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting – as if roasting marshmallows was ever a big fucking deal. maybe it was back in london during the industrial revolution when everyone was dirt poor and died at age 30 but since then, roasting marshmallows has been nothing special, and certainly nothing to make mention of in a dumb song.
And caroling out in the snow

There’ll be scary ghost stories – i actually like this line. i wish there were more ghost stories at xmas.
And tales of the glories of
Christmases long, long ago – i think this is a vague reference to the birth of christ so i totally hate that since christianity is, like every other organized religion, complete bullshit.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year
There’ll be much mistletoeing – that’s ok. it’s kind of cute. i like thinking of couples goofing around and kissing.
And hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near – that’s an exceptionally weak line. glowing hearts? “when loved ones are near?” it sounds like something an 8-yr old would come up with. the writers were clearly struggling to find something that rhymes with ‘mistletoeing’ and ‘year.’
It’s the most wonderful time of the year

**************

what a turd. of course, most other christmas songs aren’t much better. i was almost as annoyed by all the other crap i was forced to sit through while my hair was being cut. but then john and yoko’s happy xmas (was is over) came on, and i like that song just fine. i think it’s because it’s more realistic, not so head in the sand/”everything in the world is perfect”/psychotically in denial. i can actually relate to this song on some level. so there, i’m not just an anti-christmas grinch. i just hate most christmas songs as much as i hate most everything else.

reading up on happy xmas (was is over) now, i see that while originally released in 1971, it reappeared on the billboard charts in 1983, 1984, and 1985. i remember hearing it when i was very young and my parents were still together so that must have been ’85. i liked it back then too. i remember thinking it had a sad quality to it that stood out to me. so i guess i also have some nostalgia for it too.

always something interesting to learn about myself, it seems.

happy non-religious holidays. the world is shit but you have to make the best of it.

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