further musings on the nature of satan

today i wanted to read an old blog post of mine called ‘omnipresent devil.’ i figured that was a fairly unique title so i just searched the web for that. to my amazement, i got a ton of results, all focused on the very idea i had put forth in that post of mine.

in case you’re too lazy to click the link above and actually read that post, the jist of it is this: if i believed in the devil, i would imagine that all the things i loved and trusted the most were actually tools that the devil was using to corrupt me, to lead me astray. wouldn’t that be the perfect plot? friends, family, co-workers, religious leaders, politicians, doctors, whatever — anyone and everyone would be a suspected minion of the dark one’s. so if i believed in the devil at all, i wouldn’t be able to trust anyone or anything. i would quickly become a paranoid lunatic, even more so than already.

well, it turns out i’m not the first to wrestle with that idea. turns out lots of christians have asked their pious superiors if satan is omnipresent. guess what all the responses i’ve read so far have been.

“no way.”

which sounds suspiciously like something the devil would say to trick people, to lull them into complacency while he leads them down the left hand path!

how asinine. additionally absurd are some of the arguments used to support their point of view. like this:

Satan is powerful and influential, but he is not omnipresent. Omnipresence is a characteristic of the Divine only…it is clear that the Devil is not everywhere at once. The Devil “roams” and “walks”. If he was omnipresent, he would not have to “move”, because he would already be there. If the Devil is a fallen angel (as the Scriptures describe him), then the same limitations of an angel are the same limitations of the Devil. An angel cannot be everywhere at the same time, nor is an angel “all knowing”…

and this:

Satan is most assuredly not omnipresent, Satan was and is an Angel (although he be a fallen Angel) and you must remember two things.

  1. Satan (Lucifer) has no more power or ability than any of the other Angels.
  2. When Lucifer was ejected from Heaven one third of the Angels were ejected with him

explanations like that sound like 12-yr old kids explaining dungeons & dragons to a newcomer. it’s a bunch of people taking fantasy shit way, way too seriously — the differences being these are adults, and they actually believe in their hocus pocus fairy tale. these people are clearly insane. lock them up, for god’s sake! (lol.)

on top of that, i’m still not convinced. to me, the explanations i read for why satan is not omnipresent are just playing the semantics game. they’re choosing to conveniently interpret the bible in a simplistic way that allows them to keep going about their day to day lives without much worrying. i think the bible paints satan as a darn powerful liar who mixes lies with the truth to confuse his prey, and i think believing he is a slouch would be ‘playing with fire,’ so to speak. (that’s two religious yuk yuks now, wowee. i’m on a roll.)

no, if you actually believe in the devil, you better also believe he’s constantly trying to subvert you in the sneakiest, most underhanded ways possible. in which case, you should live as far away from humans as possible since you can no longer trust them. but then he’d probably try to subvert you using air, water, land, animals — even inanimate objects like your cutlery and clothing. better get rid of that stuff too. but wait — what if he’s in your very mind, swaying your every decision, controlling your every move?

only one solution then, my good christian soldier.


boy, do i hate organized religion.


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