for some time now, maybe 6 months or so, i’ve been feeling hyper emotional. and only in a good way too — i’ve been more touched by nice things than usual, but i have not screamed at jenn and then sobbed when she leaves a dirty dish in the sink. it’s pretty great.
i think it has to do with how much i’ve been thinking about the whole ‘we are stardust’ thing. incidentally, there must be a better name for this idea. that idea being we and everything we know is made of particles that have been recycled for aeons, which means you and i and everything else is, at some tiny level, comprised of things that have been other people, animals, plants, mountains, stars, clouds, planets, etc. i think it’s fascinating.
from there, it’s easy to start asking yourself all kinds of crazy philosophical questions. like, if we are all made from the same stuff, does that make all humans brethren in some way? does it makes us brethren with everything in the world, the cosmos? does it make us all one extended being? if that’s the case, what does it mean when we can’t get along with other people or the world around us? it really gets me thinking.
but regardless of where my imagination wanders with this train of thought, i always end up feeling far more connected to vast, incredible things, and i like that feeling. it’s a feeling of contentment, belonging — i want to use the word joy but don’t like its connotations of smiling idiocy. when i use that word, i mean it in a more serene, collected way. so there it is — yes, even joy.
and that feeling usually reminds me of an old divine comedy song where neil hannon describes a young ballerina being “in love with the loveless, in tune with the tuneless.” i don’t know what he means with that line but i know that for me, it captures the way that i feel when i am hit by those waves of contentment, belonging, and even…ugh…