time vs necessity

a friend once told me that he didn’t agree with people saying they “don’t have time” to do stuff. he said that even when we’re really busy, we always have the ability to make time for things, to reschedule or move appointments and crap around to accommodate whatever else requires attention. he went on to suggest that when we say, “i don’t have time for that,” what we are really saying is, “i could make time for that but it’s not a high enough priority to me.”


“sorry mate, i’m way too busy to help you with whatever. i’ve got like 3 seasons of game of thrones to catch up on.”

it was about 10 years ago he said all this to me, and i still think about it all the time and still agree with it 100%. so i’m careful about how i use the “don’t have time” excuse because i know that i’m lying through my teeth when i say it. there is always less time that i can spend napping, emailing, reading heavy metal and MMA news online, and fussing over my chickens, and i think most people in the privileged world are in similar boats.

we have a lot more time than we often like to think.



plenty of shit

i used to do online dating on plentyoffish.com, or pof.com as it has now been abbreviated to. it was a challenging but it helped me grow as a person. the biggest lesson i learned was to swallow my pride a bit and accept rejection from girls who just weren’t into me. i used to pour over countless profiles of girls until i found a few i liked, then i would carefully write legit messages to them. i mean, i was looking for a relationship so i was putting effort into it. i wanted to actually communicate with them, get to know them better, give them an idea of who i was, see if we might click. that all seems like a pretty basic approach to meeting people. despite my best efforts, i had only limited success on pof.com.

and now, about 10 years later, i’m back on pof.com — no, i’m not single now, and no, jenn and i aren’t swinging. i’m trying to find some decent dates for a friend of ours. she’s heard stories from other girls who have used pof.com about being inundated by horny, dumb bastards, and she didn’t want to sort through all their garbage messages. however, she said she wouldn’t mind if i made a profile for her and handled that aspect, and passed on the suitable candidates to her. so i signed up last night and wrote a profile that clearly explains the situation. i asked all suitors to tell me about themselves and if they don’t sound like a bonehead, i’ll pass their info on to my friend. i thought i would receive some messages like, “your friend is cute and sounds like a good person. i think her and i might match up well together because of blah blah blah.”

boy, was i wrong. since last night i’ve received 10 messages and every single one of them says “hey hows ur week going” or something equally banal. they obviously didn’t read the profile and don’t know that they’re writing to someone who is not the girl in the pictures. jesus christ. it’s depressing on multiple levels — i’m frustrated that even a catch like my friend has to contend with such god damned dunces, i’m disappointed that there are so many stupid fucking losers in the world, and i’m irritated that they can’t even bother to read the profile before they send a dim-witted message.

what’s more, i can’t believe that all the thoughtful messages i sent to those girls when i was on pof.com for myself went unanswered. what sort of swine were on the receiving end of those messages, ignoring or deleting those attentive, detailed things that were obviously far better than any of the other messages they were receiving?

answer: the female version of the swine that is messaging me right now — female boneheads.

the world is a cesspool. 95% of humans are trash. i hope trump and kim jong un light the world on fire.


let ‘er rip

dear mother, dear father

today my mom told me that when i was little, she used to run an informal daycare at home to make a little extra money. my dad worked for fisheries so he was away for about a month at a time but when he came home, he told her he didn’t want her doing the daycare thing because it was a nuisance to him. she told him to get stuffed, that the neighbours were already depending on her so even if she was going to stop doing it (which she wasn’t), she’d have to give them lots of notice. my dad’s response was to lock mom and all kids out of the house all day long.

i couldn’t believe it when i heard that story. i wondered if mom was exaggerating, and if the truth would be a little less damning to my father, but then i remembered that i personally witnessed him having enraged tantrums, ranting and raving like a wild man, and kicking chairs into walls. he clearly had some anger and control issues so maybe there is something to my mom’s story.

sort of similarly, tyrone told me that back when he was a kid, his dad bought a really nice big toy fire truck for ty or one of his siblings for christmas. ty’s dad wrapped the thing up but eventually decided it was too nice to give to his kids so he kept the toy in the christmas wrapping paper in his closet. and it’s still there in the wrapping paper today, 30 years later. that’s insane.

to me, those are both examples of extremely odd behaviour that both my dad and ty’s dad should be embarrassed of. ty said his dad just laughs it off whenever anyone brings the fire truck up and doesn’t actually address it. my dad totally denies ever losing his temper, even though there are still marks in his house where he put the chair through the drywall and had to repair it. my dad and ty’s dad should each be able to say, “yeah, that was weird/uncool of me. i can admit it now,” but they can’t. 30 years later, they’re still either ignorant of or in denial about certain aspects of themselves. that bothers me.

i want to be hyper self-aware. i try to constantly ask myself why i’m doing any of the stuff i’m doing. when i realize i’m doing something i’m not proud of, i try to acknowledge it and change my behaviour. of course, i’m not saying “my dad was a dickhead but i’m an amazing, great person. where’s my award?” but i do think i’m more self-aware than he is. and i wonder if that’s a generational thing, like if my generation is more focused on mental health and acknowledging feelings and root causes of our actions, or if this is the same thing that every kid thinks about their parents. i don’t know but i somehow feel pretty confident it’s a generational thing. i feel like the further back you go, the more people had a head-in-the-sand, “because i say so” approach to dealing with people and problems. so as much as i hate all the annoying touchy-feely bullshit that is ubiquitous these days, i have to admit there are benefits to being more in touch with feelings.

i want to ask my dad about locking mom and the daycare kids out of the house but am not sure i want to open that can of worms. i don’t want to make him feel bad for something dumb he may or may not have done 35 years ago.

story time

there was a story in the news recently about some cute pictures a woman took of a bear sitting on a couch. like this one.


there’s something wrong with this picture.

i love cute things so i took at a look at the story. yes, the bear was cute, but that wasn’t what stood out to me about the pics. what stood out to me was the fucking garbage dump the bear is obviously scavenging food from. and that made me sad — sad that the animal is either starving out in the wild and driven to scavenging trash, or has become habituated to our trash and finds it easier or tastier to sort through instead of eating normal, healthy bear food like berries and salmon.

sad to see other life on this planet having to contend with the disgusting byproducts of our disgusting existence.

sad to see mountains of human-made trash that will virtually never break down.

sad to know that most people can look at pictures of a bear living in a garbage dump and think “cuuuute” rather than “oh god, i am a part of the most insidious, thoughtless, destructive force on this planet, and i am ashamed of this.”

it wasn’t a heart-warming story at all. it was depressing.

the end.

appreciation day of reckoning

i’m sick of every day and week being recognized as ‘earth day’ or ‘nurse appreciation week’ or some other bullshit. there’s so many of these stupid recognition/appreciation days/weeks now that they’re all meaningless. it seems like there isn’t a day in the year that i’m not supposed to be hugging some dipshit just for doing their job. gee whiz, when it’s the appreciation week for my profession, i just pray that it sneaks by without anyone noticing or saying anything. i don’t need a pat on the back for one day or week out of the year to feel like my job matters. if someone needs that, i think they’ve got some serious self esteem issues, or are way too personally wrapped up in their profession.

and for stuff like earth day, it’s not like it convinces anyone who doesn’t already care about the topic to start caring. it’s not like they see a news article and think, “my god, i’ve been so ignorant for so long. time for me to change my ways.” it’s just a day for people who already give a shit about that stuff to wear a green shirt and chastise people in an annoying 60-yr old busybody housewife way, like “it’s earth day, silly! didn’t you know that? i thought everyone knew! make sure you turn all your lights off for an hour tonight.” what lasting change is actually created on that day? nothing measurable, i’m sure.

i think all appreciation/recognition days should be wiped out, or we should just dedicate all of time as the ‘appreciation of all things epoch.’ that would certainly simplify things, and wouldn’t leave plumbers or cats or plants or air or infinite space or abstract things like thoughts and feelings or anything else out in the cold — they must all be recognized for their important roles in our lives!!!

blech. i hate everything.


there’s no accounting for taste

years ago, i realized that even my closest friends who i respect the most may hate the stuff i love, and vice versa. it was mind-blowing when i learned this little nugget. i remember it well. my pal justin, who played in a band i adored and wrote a lot of amazing music, told me about a few different bands to check out that he himself adored. i did…and hated them. i couldn’t believe it. i wondered how justin, such an inspired artist himself, could be so into such trite shit.

the same thing then happened with a few other good pals in the years following. chris, gerod, i forget who else. they all recommended stuff or loaned me CD’s that i usually didn’t like much at all, and sometimes downright despised. the kicker for me was realizing that they probably felt the same way about the stuff i recommended to them — the same music and films that drove me to tears of joy were likely just annoying or bland to those gents. that was hard to believe at first but i knew it must be true so i accepted it.

i have thought about this regularly since then. it’s an important lesson for me because i tend to either love or hate things — there’s not a lot i feel indifferent to — so i have had to accept that not everyone shares my polarized opinions, or even cares at all about some of the inane shit that can keep me up at night.

enter ben and the police’s ghost in the machine. i wrote about my deep love for ghost in the machine many years ago here, back when i first got into blogging, and after getting fired up about the album again last week, i implored ben to read the post. he did, and he gave the album a fair shake. now, i love ben to death and respect him like mad, but he just sent me an email that included a spreadsheet which illuminated how he thought almost half of ghost in the machine was, in his words, “bad.” just like when justin recommended some crappy, sub-par metal record to me in glowing terms, ben just couldn’t see the magic in that record that i do.

even after all this time and knowing this lesson all too well, i still can’t help but balk when a good friend doesn’t see eye to eye with me on something that, for lack of a less cheesy term, touches my spirit. it’s nuts.

but it’s also only fair. i can’t get behind sigh, no matter how much ben wants me to. what goes around comes around, i suppose.

it 2017

i watched the new IT film at the duncan caprice movie theater last night. it was quite an experience so i wanted to write it down here to capture all my various thoughts on.

first, the theater. i’ve only been there once that i can remember in the last, ooooh, 15 or 20 years, and it was positively dead in there that last time i went. i think there were a dozen people that night. but last night — tuesday, aka cheap night — the place was PACKED. the line was almost around the block, like i remember from going to movies as a little kid. it was almost nice to see such a classic sight except for the fact that 99% of the people in line were duncan’s lowest mutants. what a collection of underbites, acne-faced and horny teens, skull sweaters, and all other manners of freaks.

the line moved notoriously slowly. when we arrived, we were just outside the door but it took a half hour for us to get in and get seated. there were only maybe 15 people ahead of us in line so they must have had their ‘B’ team on last night. among the staff was a skinny, 60-yr old, leather-faced, bandana-wearing biker/welder, and a baby-faced, early 20’s, 6’5″ overweight fella who wore surgical gloves with all of the fingertips cut off and was stressed to the tits, sweating like a pig. it seemed like this tubby gent was the one running the show. the young woman who served dana and i must have been brand new because she had no idea what she was doing, but she was very nice so i didn’t mind her at all.

the signs for the snacks were incredibly shitty. the stock popcorn and coke images were just slightly different on each sign, sometimes positioned poorly so one obscured the other. the generic candy bar on the sign had a wrapper that only said ‘chocolate.’ and these appeared to be professionally made signs, specially made for that particular sign holder. it was so lousy that we were incredulous.

the decor of the theater is amazing. nothing has changed since i was a kid. so many oranges and yellows and reds. painted bricks, gross carpeting. fantastic.

on to the movie: believe it or not, i liked it! it certainly wasn’t a great, substantial film like the exorcist or blade runner but i thought it was fun and entertaining. i was surprised by and liked all the gore, and finn wolfhard stole the show with his performance. i also liked how the local bad kid, henry, was made to appear more mentally unstable than in the original IT in 1990. that makes more sense with him being institutionalized in the ‘adult’ portion of the film. i liked some of the sound effects, and i liked how pennywise’s blood floated. that was a small detail but i thought it looked neat, kind of dream-like.

but what didn’t i like, you ask. well, let me tell you.

  • the new pennywise the clown. that was pathetic. i’m so sick of this ‘face down/eyes up/”this is my creepy look” aesthetic, and pairing it with a clown is just even more typical. the thing that made tim curry so great as pennywise was that he managed to be creepy without acting creepy. he spent a lot of time in the original just being a legit clown but somehow made that scary, and that was special. the shit i saw last night tried way too hard and failed miserably.

if you look up pics of bill skarsgard’s pennywise, he has this STUPID FUCKING LOOK ON HIS FACE IN EVERY SINGLE PICTURE, EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT SCARY AT ALL. besides that, what murderous person would make such a face, and why? it’s absurd.

  • period incorrect lingo. the film is supposed to be set in 1988 but early on, we hear the boys say “best…feeling…ever” while dumping their school books into the trash. but no one started using that lame, overdone line until well into the 2000’s. it’s a millennial thing, obv. the rest of the film was pretty accurate with it’s 80’s details but that one really pissed me off. what bothers me even more is that the film makers may have been aware of all this but used it anyway since it would allow the film to connect with a younger market. god damn it, how artless. i remember the stranger things tv show suffered from this very same problem.
  • mean parents. all the parents we were introduced to in the new IT were over-the-top mean, like so mean it was ridiculous. it was totally unbelievable and unnecessary. what was the point of that, to make all adults seem bad? why?
  • CGI special effects. not much needs to be said about this beyond the fact that despite many years and technological advances, CGI still looks like shit. if this movie really wanted to be a throwback, retro affair, it should have gone with old-fashioned special effects. you know, the shit that actually looks cool.
  • incidental music. i hate when films and tv shows insert popular songs to try to heighten a certain feeling in a scene. it’s a ham-fisted film technique. most notably in the new IT was the use of anthrax’s antisocial¬†during the rock fight and the cure’s 6 different ways during the bathroom cleanup. in the former, it’s supposed to increase the raucous roughness to the scene. in the latter, it’s supposed to increase the awkward feelings of childhood friendship and crushes. both were totally unnecessary, those scenes would have been better without the songs. i’m not so stupid that i need really loud music to help me figure out what i should be feeling during a scene.

i think that’s most of my thoughts on the new IT. however, i want to point out that despite all the gore, murder, violence, incest and child abuse, the movie is only rated 14A. i thought that was crazy. dana said out that if there were any tits in the flick, it would suddenly be rated R. i think he’s right, and i think that’s so fucked up. our culture has such a twisted, backwards relationship with sex to think it’s worse than a father abusing his daughter, or a son stabbing his dad in the neck — both of which we saw in IT last night. god, humans are stupid and fucked up.

but like i said earlier, i actually liked the film. if it only tim curry had reprised his role as pennywise — if we could basically have the 1990 pennywise in the 2017 film — i think the new IT could have been something special. oh well. at least it’s not a complete write-off, i suppose.