luxury trash

when i was a kid, i didn’t notice many luxury cars. back then, whenever i saw a mercedes or a BMW, it was a minor big deal. i always thought, “whoah, that must be a rich and/or important person.”

but in the last 10 years, i’ve noticed an abundance of them. euro luxury like mercedes, BMW, audi, and porsche, and domestic luxury like escalades and hummers. they’re everywhere. i find it unnerving. i think it’s a sign that more people are becoming more concerned with status, with looking rich and important. i know many people would argue that the owners of these cars simply have discerning taste and appreciate the “superior german engineering” or whatever other bullshit tagline they use to market their shit but i don’t buy that for a second. i’ve driven a few luxury autos and i have yet to be impressed — leather seats don’t wow me. super fast acceleration doesn’t wow me (since we have speed limits in place for a reason — i’ll never understand the allure of sports cars). status symbols don’t wow me. what does wow me is affordability, reliability, superior fuel economy, and a smaller carbon footprint, and luxury cars tend to fail in all of those regards.

i’m veering wildly off-topic. the first point i wanted to make was that i see way more of these pieces of shit than ever before. the second point i want to make is that i am now noticing a lot of these same cars have big dents in them, and i think that’s fucking weird. who spends $50,000 on an audi station wagon, backs it into some shit and wrecks the rear bumper, and then doesn’t get it fixed? as if it isn’t worth the cost of the insurance deductible to keep a $50,000 luxury car in nice shape?


“whatever. i was going to buy next year’s model anyway.”

i don’t understand people who give such a shit about looking rich, i don’t understand people who can’t be bothered to look after their nice stuff, and i especially don’t understand people who give such a shit about looking rich but can’t be bothered to look after their nice stuff even when it’s the very stuff they are using to make them look rich in the first place. because now they look poor again.


“a mercedes by any other name…” nope, it doesn’t work like that.


let’s do something together apart

there’s an old couple i often see in my neighbourhood. they go for walks together a lot but they are always at least 20 ft apart. i don’t think i’ve ever seen them within what i consider a ‘normal’ couple range, and i don’t understand what the hell they’re doing. do they hate each other? does one simply walk faster or slower than the other? do they ever talk about why they do this, or how weird it is? why not go for walks on their own instead of perpetuating this twisted charade?


it’s a grim day when a piece of shit like this is the best image i can find to illustrate my point. maybe i need to take a sabbatical.

i’m fascinated/horrified by this couple because i think they probably loathe each other’s company and only go for walks together out of some awful sense of obligation. i hope i’m wrong but if i had to bet on it, that’s what i’d put money on.

and just this last week, i saw something similar but even more sad. it was another old couple going for a walk far apart from each other, but the lady looked deathly ill — she was emaciated, frail, pale, and used a few canes to steady herself. it looked like she is probably dying of cancer, and not far from the end. she was trailing well behind her partner who appeared to have no time to wait for such a poor, wretched creature. he was up ahead and looked annoyed.

the first example bothers me but the second example REALLY bothers me. i know i can be a miserable bastard much of the time but i’m pretty confident i won’t ever walk a good 25 ft ahead of jenn, even if she is sick as fuck and i want to get the damn walk over with so i can get back to judge judy or whatever it is these old pricks are in such a hurry for. call me a dandy but i actually like walking with my wife. i even like holding her hand, despite her repeated protests.

call me a militant romantic, i suppose.

time vs necessity

a friend once told me that he didn’t agree with people saying they “don’t have time” to do stuff. he said that even when we’re really busy, we always have the ability to make time for things, to reschedule or move appointments and crap around to accommodate whatever else requires attention. he went on to suggest that when we say, “i don’t have time for that,” what we are really saying is, “i could make time for that but it’s not a high enough priority to me.”


“sorry mate, i’m way too busy to help you with whatever. i’ve got like 3 seasons of game of thrones to catch up on.”

it was about 10 years ago he said all this to me, and i still think about it all the time and still agree with it 100%. so i’m careful about how i use the “don’t have time” excuse because i know that i’m lying through my teeth when i say it. there is always less time that i can spend napping, emailing, reading heavy metal and MMA news online, and fussing over my chickens, and i think most people in the privileged world are in similar boats.

we have a lot more time than we often like to think.


plenty of shit

i used to do online dating on, or as it has now been abbreviated to. it was a challenging but it helped me grow as a person. the biggest lesson i learned was to swallow my pride a bit and accept rejection from girls who just weren’t into me. i used to pour over countless profiles of girls until i found a few i liked, then i would carefully write legit messages to them. i mean, i was looking for a relationship so i was putting effort into it. i wanted to actually communicate with them, get to know them better, give them an idea of who i was, see if we might click. that all seems like a pretty basic approach to meeting people. despite my best efforts, i had only limited success on

and now, about 10 years later, i’m back on — no, i’m not single now, and no, jenn and i aren’t swinging. i’m trying to find some decent dates for a friend of ours. she’s heard stories from other girls who have used about being inundated by horny, dumb bastards, and she didn’t want to sort through all their garbage messages. however, she said she wouldn’t mind if i made a profile for her and handled that aspect, and passed on the suitable candidates to her. so i signed up last night and wrote a profile that clearly explains the situation. i asked all suitors to tell me about themselves and if they don’t sound like a bonehead, i’ll pass their info on to my friend. i thought i would receive some messages like, “your friend is cute and sounds like a good person. i think her and i might match up well together because of blah blah blah.”

boy, was i wrong. since last night i’ve received 10 messages and every single one of them says “hey hows ur week going” or something equally banal. they obviously didn’t read the profile and don’t know that they’re writing to someone who is not the girl in the pictures. jesus christ. it’s depressing on multiple levels — i’m frustrated that even a catch like my friend has to contend with such god damned dunces, i’m disappointed that there are so many stupid fucking losers in the world, and i’m irritated that they can’t even bother to read the profile before they send a dim-witted message.

what’s more, i can’t believe that all the thoughtful messages i sent to those girls when i was on for myself went unanswered. what sort of swine were on the receiving end of those messages, ignoring or deleting those attentive, detailed things that were obviously far better than any of the other messages they were receiving?

answer: the female version of the swine that is messaging me right now — female boneheads.

the world is a cesspool. 95% of humans are trash. i hope trump and kim jong un light the world on fire.


let ‘er rip

dear mother, dear father

today my mom told me that when i was little, she used to run an informal daycare at home to make a little extra money. my dad worked for fisheries so he was away for about a month at a time but when he came home, he told her he didn’t want her doing the daycare thing because it was a nuisance to him. she told him to get stuffed, that the neighbours were already depending on her so even if she was going to stop doing it (which she wasn’t), she’d have to give them lots of notice. my dad’s response was to lock mom and all kids out of the house all day long.

i couldn’t believe it when i heard that story. i wondered if mom was exaggerating, and if the truth would be a little less damning to my father, but then i remembered that i personally witnessed him having enraged tantrums, ranting and raving like a wild man, and kicking chairs into walls. he clearly had some anger and control issues so maybe there is something to my mom’s story.

sort of similarly, tyrone told me that back when he was a kid, his dad bought a really nice big toy fire truck for ty or one of his siblings for christmas. ty’s dad wrapped the thing up but eventually decided it was too nice to give to his kids so he kept the toy in the christmas wrapping paper in his closet. and it’s still there in the wrapping paper today, 30 years later. that’s insane.

to me, those are both examples of extremely odd behaviour that both my dad and ty’s dad should be embarrassed of. ty said his dad just laughs it off whenever anyone brings the fire truck up and doesn’t actually address it. my dad totally denies ever losing his temper, even though there are still marks in his house where he put the chair through the drywall and had to repair it. my dad and ty’s dad should each be able to say, “yeah, that was weird/uncool of me. i can admit it now,” but they can’t. 30 years later, they’re still either ignorant of or in denial about certain aspects of themselves. that bothers me.

i want to be hyper self-aware. i try to constantly ask myself why i’m doing any of the stuff i’m doing. when i realize i’m doing something i’m not proud of, i try to acknowledge it and change my behaviour. of course, i’m not saying “my dad was a dickhead but i’m an amazing, great person. where’s my award?” but i do think i’m more self-aware than he is. and i wonder if that’s a generational thing, like if my generation is more focused on mental health and acknowledging feelings and root causes of our actions, or if this is the same thing that every kid thinks about their parents. i don’t know but i somehow feel pretty confident it’s a generational thing. i feel like the further back you go, the more people had a head-in-the-sand, “because i say so” approach to dealing with people and problems. so as much as i hate all the annoying touchy-feely bullshit that is ubiquitous these days, i have to admit there are benefits to being more in touch with feelings.

i want to ask my dad about locking mom and the daycare kids out of the house but am not sure i want to open that can of worms. i don’t want to make him feel bad for something dumb he may or may not have done 35 years ago.

story time

there was a story in the news recently about some cute pictures a woman took of a bear sitting on a couch. like this one.


there’s something wrong with this picture.

i love cute things so i took at a look at the story. yes, the bear was cute, but that wasn’t what stood out to me about the pics. what stood out to me was the fucking garbage dump the bear is obviously scavenging food from. and that made me sad — sad that the animal is either starving out in the wild and driven to scavenging trash, or has become habituated to our trash and finds it easier or tastier to sort through instead of eating normal, healthy bear food like berries and salmon.

sad to see other life on this planet having to contend with the disgusting byproducts of our disgusting existence.

sad to see mountains of human-made trash that will virtually never break down.

sad to know that most people can look at pictures of a bear living in a garbage dump and think “cuuuute” rather than “oh god, i am a part of the most insidious, thoughtless, destructive force on this planet, and i am ashamed of this.”

it wasn’t a heart-warming story at all. it was depressing.

the end.

appreciation day of reckoning

i’m sick of every day and week being recognized as ‘earth day’ or ‘nurse appreciation week’ or some other bullshit. there’s so many of these stupid recognition/appreciation days/weeks now that they’re all meaningless. it seems like there isn’t a day in the year that i’m not supposed to be hugging some dipshit just for doing their job. gee whiz, when it’s the appreciation week for my profession, i just pray that it sneaks by without anyone noticing or saying anything. i don’t need a pat on the back for one day or week out of the year to feel like my job matters. if someone needs that, i think they’ve got some serious self esteem issues, or are way too personally wrapped up in their profession.

and for stuff like earth day, it’s not like it convinces anyone who doesn’t already care about the topic to start caring. it’s not like they see a news article and think, “my god, i’ve been so ignorant for so long. time for me to change my ways.” it’s just a day for people who already give a shit about that stuff to wear a green shirt and chastise people in an annoying 60-yr old busybody housewife way, like “it’s earth day, silly! didn’t you know that? i thought everyone knew! make sure you turn all your lights off for an hour tonight.” what lasting change is actually created on that day? nothing measurable, i’m sure.

i think all appreciation/recognition days should be wiped out, or we should just dedicate all of time as the ‘appreciation of all things epoch.’ that would certainly simplify things, and wouldn’t leave plumbers or cats or plants or air or infinite space or abstract things like thoughts and feelings or anything else out in the cold — they must all be recognized for their important roles in our lives!!!

blech. i hate everything.