let’s do something together apart

there’s an old couple i often see in my neighbourhood. they go for walks together a lot but they are always at least 20 ft apart. i don’t think i’ve ever seen them within what i consider a ‘normal’ couple range, and i don’t understand what the hell they’re doing. do they hate each other? does one simply walk faster or slower than the other? do they ever talk about why they do this, or how weird it is? why not go for walks on their own instead of perpetuating this twisted charade?


it’s a grim day when a piece of shit like this is the best image i can find to illustrate my point. maybe i need to take a sabbatical.

i’m fascinated/horrified by this couple because i think they probably loathe each other’s company and only go for walks together out of some awful sense of obligation. i hope i’m wrong but if i had to bet on it, that’s what i’d put money on.

and just this last week, i saw something similar but even more sad. it was another old couple going for a walk far apart from each other, but the lady looked deathly ill — she was emaciated, frail, pale, and used a few canes to steady herself. it looked like she is probably dying of cancer, and not far from the end. she was trailing well behind her partner who appeared to have no time to wait for such a poor, wretched creature. he was up ahead and looked annoyed.

the first example bothers me but the second example REALLY bothers me. i know i can be a miserable bastard much of the time but i’m pretty confident i won’t ever walk a good 25 ft ahead of jenn, even if she is sick as fuck and i want to get the damn walk over with so i can get back to judge judy or whatever it is these old pricks are in such a hurry for. call me a dandy but i actually like walking with my wife. i even like holding her hand, despite her repeated protests.

call me a militant romantic, i suppose.


adventure time is the best tv show since twin peaks.

i think most tv is shit. so a while ago when janine recommended ‘adventure time’ to me, i thought yeah right. more fucking crap. but right away, i fell in love with it. it’s so fun and crazy that it reminds me of a lot of anime i like, like ‘howl’s moving castle’ and ‘spirited away.’ each episode moves at light speed and there’s often no clear motivation for why any characters are doing anything except that “it’s awesome” or something like that. and to me, that’s way more realistic and believable than yet another love triangle that will end in disaster or more fucking incidental rock music during the ‘fun scene’ where the characters momentarily forget how bad their lives are and have a super crazy food fight and sing into broom handles and jump around together and realize how close they all really are BUT JUST UNTIL SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS AND WE’RE LEFT WITH YET ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER TO KEEP US WAITING BREATHLESSLY FOR THE NEXT EPISODE!!!!!!!!…………

oh man, they’re so crazy and dysfunctional…but somehow they make it work!! AND THERE’S LOTS OF ROCK MUSIC!!!!!

fuck that shit. it’s nonsense, and totally predictable. it’s the same characters and the same romances and the same double- and triple-crosses that every other bullshit HBO tv show has been doing for fucking ever. and adventure time doesn’t do it.

adventure time comes up with random, weird, surprising shit, and there’s never any stupid double-crosses or love triangles. it’s just about pals having fun together, being good buddies. i guess i relate to that more than i do a bunch of fucking scoundrels creating constant, needless drama.

you know what, i guess it only makes perfect sense that i despise tv shows that are so focused on real life qualities i despise — i’m not just being an overly opinionated asshole about those shows. they legitimately offend me, whereas shows about good people having fun make me feel good. gee whiz. that was really simple but i never really thought about it like that.

adventure time and my blog just helped me realize yet another important self-awareness thing. that’s really kick ass.

fuck yeah

never recommend anything

the second you recommend anything to anyone, you create a level of expectation for that person. if you say, “check akira out, it’s not only one of the best examples of anime but also one of the greatest films ever made,” it’s really fucking unlikely that akira is going to live up to that hype. your pal is now going to expect to love akira like you do, that’s probably not going to happen, and they’re going to wind up disappointed with the film. congrats, you just ruined your friend’s chance to enjoy something cool that they might have otherwise really dug. so never, ever say that kind of thing to anyone.


“oh, it’s not bad…i guess.”

it’s like when metallica released the black album. a lot of old fans heard it and said, “this sucks. their old thrashier stuff was way better.” but if the black album was the first record released by a brand new band, if the old metallica fans were not expecting to hear thrash metal on the album in the first place, they would probably have loved it. they would have said, “this is really heavy and awesome. what a great production. what crushing grooves.” the only thing that ruined that album for a lot of those fans were the preconceptions and expectations they had of it.

moral of the story: recommend nothing, unless it’s a really lackadaisical recommendation that couldn’t possibly get anyone excited for whatever you’re talking about. like, “yeah, maybe try watching akira. [head tilted, looking at the ground, shrugging shoulders] you might like it. or not, i don’t know. it’s not for everyone. [heavy sighing]”

and expect nothing, save for disappointment. that way you’re more likely to be pleasantly surprised when you actually enjoy some things.