i don’t feel

i don’t feel much like blogging lately. i think it’s because i was blogging a lot for the last few weeks and burned myself out on it. for the last several days whenever i have checked in here, i’ve felt bored and annoyed, like i was just here out of some sense of obligation.

of course, that’s no fun so i’m making a point to blog less until such time as it starts feeling less forced.

however, there are a few things i want to get off my chest before receding into the abyss once again.

#1. i saw in the news that comedian kathy griffin posted a photo of herself holding donald trump’s bloody head. i don’t really care about this either way, but then i saw that old rocker ted nugent called her picture “downright vulgar, obscene and a genuine variation of a death threat.”

this is coming from the same guy who said barack obama could “suck his machine gun” and hilary clinton was a “worthless bitch” who could “ride one of his guns into the sunset.”

what a fucking hypocrite. it seems like lots of politically active people want to say incendiary things, mock people who take offense and call them “snowflakes,” and wave a flag for freedom of speech — only to cry foul when someone with a different opinion says something similarly inflammatory. it’s a bunch of bullshit. everyone should get some thicker skin, go ahead and talk shit, and not take offense when anyone else talks shit. then i’d never have to hear crowds of hypocrites calling each other snowflakes.

#2. last night i saw a well-dressed middle-aged guy, gassing up his very nice all-wheel drive volvo. his car had an “i [heart] vancouver island” sticker on it, and one of those annoying thule roof rack-mounted cargo boxes. he clearly thought he was a hardcore islander.

cargocarriers_p1_755x600_apr2017

you know you’re a wannabe outdoor enthusiast when…

then he tossed an empty plastic jug of windshield cleaner in the trash can and drove off. i wanted to say, “i see by your car, sticker, and cargo box you’re a real outdoorsy type, so perhaps you’d be interested to know that plastic like the jug you just tossed out is being found by the ton in teeny, tiny pieces throughout the guts of fish and birds in even the most remote regions of earth. since you’re so rugged and adventurous, i thought maybe you’d like to help preserve what’s left of our rotting world by recycling that fucking jug instead of tossing it carelessly in the trash.” but instead, like a coward, i said nothing, and now i hate myself as much as i hate him.

#3. i have been thinking lately that when i’m at my most depressed, i wish i would just die and get the shit over with. conversely, when i’m at my happiest, i wish i would die so as to go out on a high note. i basically think there is never a bad time to hop off of this ride. i mentioned this to riley and he responded that this philosophy should be written in a breezy large print bestseller and promoted by oprah. i thought that was funny.

#4. i went into a lee’s famous chicken and then a tim horton’s yesterday to get junk food for a wedding party. both establishments were filled with the most wretched human vermin: hunchbacked, confused white trash; toothless drunks; mute yet incredibly rude and dismissive ESL students. it occurred to me that perhaps bill and i should go for dinner at lee’s chicken and then wash it down with a double double and some tim bits sometime, and soak in this rich cultural experience that the cowichan valley has to offer.

over and out.

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“fuck a blue apron is bullshit”

yesterday i took a look at a bunch of stats on my blog that wordpress graciously supplies me with. for instance, i can look at which posts were most viewed each week, month, or year. i find this particularly interesting because posts seem to wax and wane in popularity (relatively popularity, i mean — i’m no perez hilton, obv) with no apparent consistency. some are popular for years, some for a few weeks, some don’t get any views until quite some time after i’ve written them…it’s hard to predict, and neat. i like it.

for example, in 2015 the posts about acting sexy, public toilet diarrhea, every new hipster song has a chorus…, fuck lawns, rich white trash, and my review of mad max: fury road were among the top posts that people navigated straight to via google or whatever other search engine. i think the hipster chorus post, rich white trash, and the review of mad max make sense since they were all related to things that were happening at the time, and i think the acting sexy post was popular because of losers looking up pics of hot girls, but diarrhea and lawns? who looks up blog posts on that stuff? that’s weird.

in 2016, my post on blue apron got a lot more views than any others, and i wrote it back in 2015. the hipster chorus post got a substantial number of views too though. but then my innocuous posts about 30 second outdoor cleaner and amorphis sucking garnered a surprising number of views, while the rich white trash post got a few but nowhere near what it got in 2015.

and so far in 2017, the blue apron post is still leading the way as my most viewed, with the hipster chorus post not far behind. the 30 seconds outdoor cleaner and amorphis sucking posts continue to perform surprisingly well in third and fourth place.

perhaps the post that has surprised me the most with its performance is the one about stephen king’s awful made for tv remake of the shining. it’s not racking em up by any means, but the fact that 35 people have stumbled onto it so far this year makes me really happy. that film is such a fucking piece of shit that even if i can let just a handful of people know how bad it is, i’m practically on par with mother teresa. the same goes for amorphis, and letting people know what a joke they have become. this is important stuff!

another interesting thing is to see what search terms brought people to my blog. my faves are “trudeaus latest bullshit,” “fuck a blue apron is bullshit,” and “blue apron is for lazy people.” all solid.