everyone you love will break your heart if you don’t break theirs first

today i was thinking about how every time we allow someone into our lives and let ourselves care dearly for them, we sign up for yet another horrible, crushing loss when that person dies. because unless you die first, you’re going to see every one of those people you care about die slowly from cancer, mangled in the twisted wreck of a car against a telephone pole, lingering in a hospital bed with alzheimer’s, dead in a casket at their funeral…the list goes on. there are so many awful possibilities, and one of them is absolutely going to come to fruition.

and if you die first, of course, you’ll avoid that heartache and sense of loss yourself but will inflict it on those people you care about. it’s really a lose/lose situation.


save for the off chance that you and the people that matter to you all die at the same time. that would really be something. i just noticed those coffins are set up in a 69 position. that’s weird.

i feel like we delude ourselves into believing everything will be fine forever, or we at least try to put stuff like this out of our minds so that we can keep enjoying today, and i don’t like that approach. what i’m saying is legit, and i want to be prepared for the things i know are bound to happen. i don’t want to be a basket case when finally confronted with something as assured as death. i’m sure i’ll still be a bit of one regardless of how much thought i give it beforehand but if i can save myself any grief at all by considering this kind of thing now when it doesn’t make me a sobbing mess, then why not? i think it makes sense.

coincidentally, i had a dream last night that jenn and i died at the same time. we were in hawaii and hurricane winds were whipping around and trees were exploding into flame for no reason. we were standing outside in the midst of this chaos, watching in terror and awe, when i saw a huge tree come crashing down towards us. it landed on us and everything went black. and that was that.

we should only be so lucky.


fuck “fuck cancer”

in the last 6 months or so, i’ve noticed “fuck cancer” on bumper stickers and in youtube comments. i hate it. i think the worst is when it’s expanded on redundantly, like “fuck cancer. seriously, fuck you, cancer.” that just adds a lame hipster spin on it.

why do i hate the expression? for a few reasons. first, it strikes me as a wannabe redneck thing. the only people who would sport a bumper sticker that boldly says ‘fuck’ are people who want to be perceived as rednecks (i believe that most true rednecks don’t feel the need to advertise their lifestyle in the way that wannabe rednecks do), and the only thing worse than truly ignorant people is people trying to be ignorant.

second, i don’t like seeing it on a bumper sticker because ‘fuck’ is still a word that is not publicly acceptable. i don’t think it makes sense to make an exception for that word just because it’s being picked up by a cause that people are sympathetic to. you may as well start making bumper stickers that say “fuck world hunger,” “fuck pollution,” “fuck rape,” “fuck slavery,” “fuck racism”…the list goes on. are we suddenly going to allow the public use of ‘fuck’ as long as we’re talking about causes people are generally supportive of? of course, it should go without saying that i believe branding any words as taboo is ridiculous, but that’s beside the point. my point is the hypocrisy of this particular usage.

third, i think we need to look deeper into the issue, like why cancer is so prevalent now. i think we would find that the reason everyone is getting cancer is because we have created a world full of carcinogenic shit — plastic, radiation, UV rays, pollution, pesticides. since the problem is actually all our own fault, we shouldn’t be saying “fuck cancer” — we should really be saying, “fuck the human race for making cancer such an epidemic. seriously, fuck people.”

paradoxically, that’s a rallying cry i can fully get behind.


oooh, so edgy, so original.


jenn and i bought a late 70’s fiberglass travel trailer a few years ago. it needed a little work but for the most part, it was just what we were looking for.

a few things have deteriorated a bit since we’ve owned it so i decided it was time to gut and renovate it so it suited our needs better. i knew it was going to be a big project but decided to give it hell anyway.

it was going pretty well. i removed the plumbing, a bunch of the electrical, and most of the cabinets. i started to tear up the gross old linoleum floor but it was glued down like a son of a bitch so i inadvertently tore a few pieces. i was figuring out how to remove the rest of the the stuff without breaking my back when my dad swung by and took a look. he said there might be asbestos in the linoleum, and that i should look it up just to be safe.

i looked it up and gee whiz, asbestos was used in linoleum flooring up into the 80’s. so yup, i’ve very likely been fucking with asbestos for who knows how many hours so far.

and on top of that, i’ve got an almost-gutted trailer that is still full of asbestos to deal with. so i figure my options are:

  1. eat the financial loss and give the trailer away to someone who is willing to tackle this job;
  2. hire a professional and likely pay them far more than the trailer is worth to remove the rest of the asbestos;
  3. take minimal precautions and wear a high quality particulate mask, disposable work gloves, and a suit while i finish the job myself.

i’m not super keen on any of those. what a lousy surprise to run into.

so a word to the wise: if you buy stuff built in canada before the mid-80’s, consider the possibility of asbestos being in some of the materials because it might end up being a really expensive pain in the ass a few years down the road.


i love old shit, but not this much.

organic food shouldn’t be considered special. instead, cheap food made with harmful chemicals should be considered shitty.

over the last several months, i’ve been buying more and more organic groceries. i feel good about voting with my wallet, doing my small part to support things i believe in.

but this morning, it occurred to me that it’s fucking absurd that organic food is labelled as such. natural, healthy food shouldn’t be a bonus or something special. that should be the norm. it’s all the cheap shit that is made with hormones, steroids, pesticides, and other weird chemicals that should have warnings on them. they should have big labels on those products listing all the chemicals that have gone into making that product so that average schlubs who have hitherto never given a thought to this stuff can quickly learn why their no-name brand corn is so incredibly cheap — it’s easy to grow tons of crops when you spray it with toxic pesticides and overuse fertilizers that end up washed into the ocean and create toxic algae blooms.


it’s perfectly fine to eat. just don’t think about it.

it should be the duty of the companies using harmful farming techniques to inform their customers of the destructive processes that go into making cheap products, and their products should be openly advertised as sub-standard. it’s backwards that shit that is grown normally is considered special and marketed as healthy.

what a fucked up world.

expiry date on humour

lately i’ve been thinking about how there is lots of stuff my friends and i joke about that we eventually won’t be able to. take cancer, for example. no one in my friend circle has died from cancer, or gone through the ordeals of chemotherapy and radiation, so we can still make jokes about getting tyrone to check my prostate and whatnot. but it’s basically inevitable that at some point, one of our friends is going to get very sick and possibly die from cancer, and we won’t be able to make those jokes after that. if someone does, there’s going to be an air of awkwardness and maybe a cough or two before the person making the joke realizes their faux pas and apologizes like crazy. but it won’t be able to undo the unpleasant reminder that one of our good friends is dead or dying from an insidious disease, and the night will be ruined.

this applies to a ton of different things we currently joke about so i worry that as time goes on, there will be less and less things we can still laugh at. eventually, we’ll all end up just standing around mutely, trying to figure out what we can say without offending each other.

what a depressing thought.


“i don’t even know why we bother hanging out anymore.”

wow, plastic found in fish that we’re eating. how shocking.

lots of unhappy news lately, it seems.

i just read a CBC news article that says tiny pieces of plastic are now being found in supermarket fish and shellfish. isn’t this something that i’ve bitched about many times on here already? why, yes. yes it is.

the article states that plastics aren’t just being found in fishes guts so it’s not like you can just gut them and be done with it. the plastics are being found throughout their tissues — which means eating fish means eating plastic.

what’s even worse is that microplastics absorb or carry organic contaminants, such as PCBs, pesticides, flame retardants and hormone-disrupting compounds of many kinds. so now you’re eating plastic that is tainted with poison. double bad.

however, the article goes on to say that we really don’t know what this all means, whether it’s really that bad. one scientist says, “what we really need to do is a risk assessment … nobody has done that for microplastics.”

ok, sure. so we don’t know exactly what we’re going to find at the end of a 10- or 20-year study on individuals who eat fish full of plastic twice a week. we don’t know exactly how much more cancer those people are going to have compared to people who didn’t eat the plastic fish. but let’s use some common sense here. what else would anyone expect from eating tiny bits of stuff made from toxic chemicals and petroleum products — things already known to be carcinogenic? come on. use your head.

when we’re all sick and feeling like shit, slowly dying from cancer caused by years of eating plastic, i’m going to be breathlessly moan, “i told you so.”


“i win.”

what we decide is unaffordable

i don’t like it when people say they can’t afford to buy fair trade or organic stuff.

unless someone is teetering on the brink of bankruptcy, they can afford it. i think what they really mean is, “i can afford to buy that stuff but it’s not as important to me as saving that extra money for other things i enjoy more.” what it comes down to is that most of us value our personal comforts and ‘getting ahead’ more than we do the global, big picture stuff that we can’t see. i mean, we aren’t face to face with the pesticides and chemicals being sprayed on most food, pesticides and chemicals that end up being eaten by us or washed into nearby rivers and water bodies. we don’t see the hormones and antibiotics fed to livestock that we eat either. we don’t see the toxic waste dumped on the ground in developing countries where our $5 flip flops are made.

and without seeing it, it’s hard to care much about that stuff. it’s hard to feel motivated to spend twice as much on an ‘ethical’ product when there’s a substantially cheaper version sitting right next to it.


“i like the sound of this. whoah, $12 a bag? that’ll really eat into my new corvette fund.”

but i think it’s worth it, and i think anyone with kids who is hoping to leave them a half decent world should think it’s worth it too. because our current buying habits are a slow march towards huge problems — pollution, cancer, slavery, antibiotic resistance, to name a few things that we are already contending with — and i can’t imagine not even trying to fight those problems, and leaving them for my kids to deal with.

most of us here in the first world aren’t as broke as we think.


now these people are fucking broke.