old, dead, sad websites (myspace, i’m talking about you even though you’re still technically active, which makes it even worse)

back in the late 2000’s, i played in a death metal band. at the time, myspace was the website for musicians and artists to promote themselves and network with people. i used it to get in touch with promoters and other bands, organize shows for our tours, and post our music and blogs. it was a very useful tool at the time.

around 2009, the band split up and our myspace page languished. it became one of those ghost or skeleton pages, a relic of something that is no more. one day after many years i checked in on it for some reason and found that it was still there but myspace had completely changed its format. it was now perfectly useless. the links that used to say ‘pictures’ and ‘bio’ now said obscure stuff like ‘mixes’ and ‘connections’ — wtf do those things even mean? so stupid. someone was trying way too hard to be cutting edge.

even worse, none of those links seemed to work. the only way i could actually access any of my shit was to log in to the site, which took a good while since i had long forgotten which email address was associated with the band’s page, and what the password was. then i still had a hell of a time navigating around and finding our old photos and whatnot. i thought, “what a mess, someone really fucked this up,” and moved on.

unfortunately, here i am several years later, looking for some recordings my band made. it seems the only known copies of those recordings is on…

…the dreaded myspace.


do i dare enter? it was so annoying last time.

so i have spent the last several days navigating their flotsam and jetsam — broken links, pages that display incorrectly, media players that don’t play anything at all, ‘report a bug’ forms that don’t work (how perfect) — and while i am incredibly frustrated right now, i am also saddened by the whole mess. if myspace had just left the site as it was, it would have continued to work, possibly in perpetuity, and our old ghosts could have lingered on to the amusement of the few who stumbled across those dusty, otherwise forgotten pages. but no, some delusional idiot had a bright idea to reinvent myspace, as if it could ever compete again with giants like facebook and instagram. shit, it can’t even compete with the current band sites like reverbnation, last.fm, or soundcloud! besides that, once a website has been deemed by the general public to be uncool (like myspace is), there is simply no hope for turning back. myspace has already long been relegated to the sad “remember when” joke pile of websites so this is really all quite pathetic.


that about says it all.

there is no happy ending to this post. i don’t know if i’ll ever get copies of those songs my band recorded and foolishly entrusted to myspace. what’s equally sad is that one day, wordpress will likely fall to a same fate, and this blog may become inaccessible to me. as long as it’s still up when i’m on my deathbed, i guess i’ll be ok with that. i just want to be able to read this diary-esque shit then so i can reminisce about my life and have a laugh.

one last thing: last night i stumbled across someone’s dead blog and i noticed that they, like a lot of other people, bid adieu to their blog with a short final post like, “i’ve grown tired of my own voice.” i don’t like that. it’s irreverent of something that obviously once meant a lot to them. when i get sick of blogging, i hope i celebrate what i’ve done a bit more than that. i’ve really enjoyed writing and revisiting this junk and been surprised at what i’ve been able to learn about myself through it, so i want to acknowledge how valuable it’s been to me when i pull the plug on it.



i have a twitter account. it doesn’t have my real name or anything attached to it, of course. i use it to voice my pleasure and disdain at various individuals i would otherwise have no means of reaching out to, like bands and UFC fighters.

but i don’t ‘follow’ anyone on twitter. i’m just not that interested in what anyone is doing. even the people i’m most interested in, i don’t want to see the latest pics of them snuggling their cat, or what they’re having for dinner, or hear their thoughts on the canucks game. to test this, i just looked at the twitter pages for a few folks i like and yup, i was bored and annoyed by their posts. so i wonder, why does anyone care about keeping up to date on any of that shit?

to me, it doesn’t matter how stunningly beautiful a person is, how much i love their art, what their political leaning is, or anything like that. no one is so fascinating, so all-consuming, that i need to ‘follow’ them. maybe i’m missing something though. maybe a lot of people just follow their friends, and use twitter like i used to use facebook, to keep in touch with pals. but i don’t know anyone who does that. everyone that i know uses twitter to either follow stars, or promote their business — both boring reasons, in my book.

fuck following anyone on twitter. i can’t think of any good reason to do so. god, social media is such a ridiculous time waster. just before people die, they should be told how many hours they spent on facebook, instagram, and twitter in their lifetime. i’d like the horror of realizing they’ve wasted so much of their lives to be one of their final memories. 


“hahaha! and to think, you did it to yourself!”

watch me start following some loudmouth on twitter next week. i’ll never admit it if i do.

no time left for e-living

lately, i’ve been thinking about lots of stuff i’ve wanted to blog about. my recent obsession with visualizing the skeleton inside of every person i look at, people making dumb blanket statements like “feminism is stupid because i like to look attractive for myself, not because men make me,” and how irritating i find it when people concentrate so hard on stuff that they do weird things with their bodies. those are all things i want to elaborate on.

but i’ve been busy. i’ve been chopping firewood, building a firewood shelter, working on our cars, swimming with pals, camping with jenn, getting my hunting license, etc. i’ve even spent no time in the last two months on the 4wd tercel forum, which i’ve been a loyal and very active member for 7 years. that’s like quitting facebook for me, it creates so much more time for real life stuff, and that’s great.

but this blog is something that i like to keep doing. it’s very satisfying to me on a number of levels so it’s one of the few online things that i wish i have been doing more of lately. i’ll probably spend more time writing on it when the weather gets cold and rainy in the fall though so i’m not sweating it.

but while i’m here, i want to hit on those things i mentioned at the start of this post.

i’ve been reading the satanic verses by salman rushdie (i quite like it so far) and there is this line in it:

masks beneath masks until suddenly the bare bloodless skull.

i love that line, and it got me thinking more about an idea i’d had just prior to reading the book. the idea is that there is a skeleton inside each of us, and if we could see our skeletons and everyone elses, we might be more aware of our mortality. so now i keep looking at people and imagining what their skull would look like without eyes, lips, ears, skin, hair, etc. without those things, everyone is just a faceless skull, just a symbol of death. no personality, no individuality (except to the experienced or sharp-eyed viewer, of course). and that’s fascinating. i like thinking about stripping all of us down to the same basic structure, devoid of soft parts and character.

next: i just saw pictures of a UFC fighter, bec rawlings, stating she opposes feminism. but her reasoning is so fucking flawed that it’s asinine. here’s the pic i saw.


oh wow, so tough. is that a leopard print tattoo?

she goes on to say in text accompanying the pic that she is only oppressed by “feminists and white knights that judge me and want me to conform to their agenda…i am not weak, i make my own choices and i do what i want because i’m free.”

that’s dumb, and not just because it sounds like a 14-yr old goth kid rebellion. it’s dumb because a person claiming to be a feminist who is giving you shit for being yourself obviously doesn’t understand what feminism is, and isn’t a feminist in the first place. anyone should recognize that with just a few seconds of thought. so taking that person’s claim to heart and saying “fuck feminism” is like having a white person come up to you, tell you they’re green and that as a green person they disapprove of what you’re doing, and then you in turn saying “fuck green people!” that white person isn’t necessarily ACTUALLY green, and they certainly don’t speak for every green person, so telling all green people to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut is a really dumb thing to do.

wise up, rawlings.

lastly, i hate it when people driving cars lean hard to one side as they turn. wtf do people do that? it’s not a goddamn motorcycle. similarly, i think people look dumb when playing video games and moving the controller around as if that’s helping them move in the game. same with people pursing their lips or hunching their shoulders when they concentrate on stuff. relax, you jerks. loosen up, literally. you’re not helping yourself perform any better and you look nuts.

ta da, back in the saddle.

leave me alone.

i’ve been turning off my phone more and more lately, and it feels really good.

i seek peace and harmony.

i started doing it because i hate getting calls and texts when i’m sleeping. i don’t care if i’m sleeping in the middle of the day like a lazy prick. that’s what i want to do, and i don’t like things stopping me from doing what i want to do. like phone calls from telemarketers and texts that are not time-sensitive, like hi david, i think you should give immortal’s ‘sons of northern darkness’ album a few more spins before writing it off. sure ben, i’m game for that — after i’m done sleeping during the day like a vampire.

wow, 3 missed calls.

from there, my new habit started spreading. sometimes when jenn and i are doing something nice together, i don’t want to hear from anyone. sometimes when i’m playing tetris, i don’t want to talk to anyone. sometimes when i’m lying on the floor staring into the abyss of self-loathing, i don’t want to talk to anyone. so my phone is off more and more. and it’s freeing. because normally when i hear it ring, i feel like i should answer promptly, or at least look at it to see who is contacting me. but i don’t even like that miniscule amount of guilt. i don’t want to feel any guilt, especially so frequently and over something so stupid. i don’t owe my phone anything.

i guess you could argue that i owe whoever is contacting me the courtesy of answering them right then, but fuck that. with texts and emails and phone calls and tweets and facebook messages and hashtags and snap chats, i think we have allowed ourselves to become thoroughly inundated with constant contact with virtually everyone we know, and i think that’s ridiculous. everyone has to draw the line somewhere, and this is where i’m drawing it.

that being said, i think i’m way more prompt getting back to people than most people i know. probably because of all the snap chats and shit they have to catch up on. i even listened to sons of northern darkness last night, shortly after ben’s text. it wasn’t bad but i didn’t get a hard-on over it.

is my blog my own personal facebook? no chance, lance.

this is me when i write blog posts, especially the formless disgusting man-breasts

some pals have wondered recently if by giving up facebook and eventually starting this blog, i simply replaced one with the other. my answer is an emphatic “how dare you! philistine!” ok, not that strong, but still a no.

facebook was a vampire for me. i would spend fucking hours on it reading about the most inane shit, then go get a drink of water or take a piss before going to do some real work or whatever. but then i would feel another strong urge to check my facebook just once more before i did anything else, just in case. in case of what, i have no idea. i guess that’s the addiction aspect of it. it doesn’t make any sense, i was just simply obsessed with it. it was a hopeless, endless loop of checking facebook. talk about a fucking waste of time.

conversely, i don’t think about my blog often. just when i come across something and think, “i need to bitch about that.” and i feel more like i own this space. while it is public, it’s far less public than facebook was so i feel virtually no accountability to anyone with it. maybe that will change when my readership expands beyond 2 views per day but for now, it still just feels like a sort of diary to me, and i don’t feel much obligation to be politically correct, or even correct at all — if it feels good or makes me laugh, i run with it.

and, oddly enough, this blog has turned into some kind of creative outlet for me. i wouldn’t say i like writing, but maybe i do. i like writing journals whenever i go traveling, and i like emailing daily bullshit with bill, and now i like this blog, so i guess i do like writing more than i knew.

that’s another great thing about this blog right there! self exploration. writing this crap down makes me ponder stuff further than i otherwise would, and i often wind up realizing things that i wasn’t previously aware of. like what a consistently cynical, negative prick i can be. jk, i’m well aware of that, and fully embrace it, obv. i like bitching.

another one of me hard at work! boy, i’m all over the internet these days. this blog must be really taking off.

back to the creative outlet thing. when i read back through my old posts, i generally like them a lot. i laugh at some of them, and that feels good. it’s actually pretty similar to how i feel about my sort-of current band, regulator: most of my pre-regulator music was pretty awful. i tried too hard to make serious, meaningful art. then with regulator, i learned to relax, not really set any bar of acceptability, and just do whatever felt good. once i did that, i wound up coming up with what i consider to be both low and high art: low because it’s base and simple, but high because i manage to channel the most important aspects of art — honesty and joy — and those elements make my crappy regulator music far better than any of the ‘serious’ music i previously wrote. and that’s how i feel about this blog. i don’t think about it much, i just start typing whatever feels good at the time and am usually pretty happy with the results.

and you can bet your nuts i didn’t get any of these great feelings of joy and artistic satisfaction from facebook.

here is my aforementioned band, regulator. it’s a stupid godawful racket but i love it.

fuck facebook

real life only, please

i quit facebook a few years ago now because i was a full-on fb junkie. i was on there constantly. i finally decided i was simply wasting way too much time on things that just don’t fucking matter. i have been much happier and more productive since i quit but i just had a horrible reminder of what my life used to be like.

a friend of ours is having some car problems. she posted about them on fb. jenn asked me some questions this morning so she could offer some advice. great. but then as i was writing my last blog entry, i had to go on jenn’s fb to find a picture of our chickens. while i was there, i saw people commenting on our friend’s car problem situation and i felt the need to weigh in.

i wound up spending 20 mins, maybe half an hour, putting way too much thought and energy into what i was typing, only to have some guy argue a point that he was wrong on (despite his assertion, coolant will indeed create steam if it leaks onto a hot surface like an exhaust manifold, FUCK). i had to pause what i was writing to respond to that guys comment, then get back to what i was going to say before, and i was getting so worked up and involved in this fucking situation that actually has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. STEPH WILL GET HER CAR FIXED OR BUY ANOTHER. WHAT THE FUCK DO I CARE IF SHE TAKES MY ADVICE? IT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE IT WILL ALL WORK OUT FINE IN THE END ANYWAY REGARDLESS OF WHETHER I WASTE 30 MINUTES AND SAY ANYTHING OR NOT. i finished what i was typing and closed jenn’s fb, feeling like a fucking turd.

what a perfect reminder of what an absolute waste of time so much of facebook is. there are certainly elements i miss and used to enjoy, like the abilities to keep in touch with some folks easier and see their pics, but i think those positive aspects are outweighed by the massive amounts of time spent doing fucking nothing, and the fact that facebook is selling your info to anyone and everyone. we are tracked enough as it is, i figure there’s no point in giving any more away.

i think we’d all be better off if fb just up and disappeared off the face of the planet. until that day comes, i’ll just keep pretending that’s already happened and stay busy doing real stuff in the real world.