nowhere left for rednecks to get coffee

bill, riley and i used to go to robin’s donuts in duncan. we loved it because it was darkly lit, had a gross orange and brown 70’s decor, and was mostly frequented by kinda rough people — working men and the like.

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drool

generally speaking, we liked robin’s because it was shitty in a funny way, and unpretentious.

but it’s long gone now. the old robin’s building has been a ‘serious coffee’ place for many years, and they of course cater primarily to yuppies and other people who like to pay $5 for skinny caramel macchiatos with extra whipped cream — in other words, detestables.

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i don’t want to hang out at places like this, with people like this.

so when bill and i were talking over the last few days about finding another gross coffee shop to go to, i realized that there are no more gross coffee shops around here. why? because while our town used to have a lot more rednecks and working class types, it has slowly gentrified (well, a little bit anyway) to the point that there are more yuppies and hipsters than working men. there’s not enough business for the dirty, gross coffee shops of the 70’s. they’ve had to get with the times and pretty themselves up, get wifi, and start making frappuccinos, or get left in the dust.

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ah, the good old sayward mall. home to…well, nothing, anymore.

that bums me out. it’s just another reason to move north sometime, to find another place that still retains its working class roots, even in the year 2016. a place like sayward or woss. a place where we can get coffee and baked goods around people who are comfortable making inappropriate jokes, people who aren’t terrified of offending every hypersensitive dickhead. simple folks who aren’t so fucking irritating.

i sure do miss robin’s donuts.

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perfectly loveless day; how to break in a yoga mat in real life

today has been beautiful, so sunny and crisp. it’s that rare temperature where standing in the sun is actually pleasant, rather than sweltering, scorching, unbearable, etc.

in other words, it was perfect weather to listen to my bloody valentine‘s loveless. so i did, and i loved it. the right music on the right day makes me feel young again, full of hope and love for the world — a welcomed change from my usual outlook — and this was the right combination for today.

in unrelated news, jenn got me my very own yoga mat for xmas. i was really happy about it because i’ve just been borrowing hers since i got into yoga last summer. but when i started using my own mat, i found it was slippery as all hell and made poses like downward dog impossible. i looked up online how to break in new yoga mats and everything i found said stupid shit like “mix 1/4 tsp cinnamon with a cup of vinegar and just a pinch of eye of newt and spray it onto the mat, leave it under the next full moon,” blah blah blah. ok the instructions weren’t quite that obscure but pretty close. the point is, they seemed like way too much work and too weird for what i was trying to achieve. so in the end, i just left the thing out on the living room floor for a week or two and would scuff my feet whenever i walked across it. guess what, that worked perfectly. now i’m using the mat, and i didn’t have to say any prayers to vishnu or any of that other silly bullshit i read online.

i swear to god, yoga hipsters are the most pretentious assholes around.

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at least their pants are a good distraction from their annoying bullshit

 

keep calm and FUCK OFF

i’m so fucking tired of seeing myriad variations of ‘keep calm and…’ posters, stickers, shirts, etc. like my pal bill said a while back, it wasn’t funny to start with and now the schtick is two years old and hipsters are STILL beating it to death. just today i saw a car with a massive ‘keep calm and chive on’ sticker in its back window. haha, it was hilarious!! i really had a good belly laugh over that one!! and now i know that that person also likes the same website as me!! how cool is that??!!

get a grip, FUCK. just based on that goddamned thing, i will never check out the chive. i hate it already. i’m just going to keep checking my old hotmail account, reading heavy metal news on blabbermouth.net, and helping out other 4wd tercel fanatics on the tercel forum. i’m never going to check out any other website every again, even this one. fuck wordpress, it’s for hipsters too.

before i go though, i came up with my own super funny ‘keep calm and…’ poster and i’d love to share it with you!! here it is!!!!

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hipsters and posers, die. fuck you. quit wearing ironic beards and ill-fitting plaid shirts and jeans with rolled up cuffs. quit trying to look like romanticized versions of your parents. get some exercise and lose the guts, you greaseballs. and stop making these dumbass posters.