typical dickheads and their vehicles

man, i hate cliched drivers and vehicles. some people have no fucking clue who they are so they glom on to some ridiculous stereotype and try to be that. it’s pathetic. here are some i hate the most.

  • hot girls and jeeps (even though lots of hot girls with jeeps aren’t hot at all and just think that owning a jeep makes them hot — yeah right)

my loathing killed my boner

  • wannabe rednecks and giant, mint condition trucks (i have no problem with real rednecks who actually use their trucks to haul stuff)

rolled up sleeves on a plaid shirt. he must be serious.

  • yuppie douchebags and european luxury cars


  • tough hot girls and crotch rockets

acting tough doesn’t make you tough, or sexy. it makes you fake.

  • anyone acting tough on a ‘hog’

i will never understand biker culture. just riding bikes around for no reason sounds about as fun just driving my car around for no reason — boring and pointless.

there’s only one cliche that i can accept: skids and firebirds.

oh fuck yeah

i don’t care if i’m being inconsistent or playing favourites. i don’t think anyone besides me and a few people who never left the early 80’s think this is cool so you don’t see it too often anymore. i think that scarcity keeps this one special. plus i love the idea of driving like a maniac with a death wish, blaring wicked thrash metal records like ‘cowboys from hell’ and ‘justice for all,’ high as fuck on speed, and then wrapping the whole thing and myself around a tree. “if you’re going to go out, go out in a firebird,” i always say. all those other lame cliches are for pussies but this one is sick.

which brings me to my gofundme campaign. i would love — nay, i need to race around in a firebird, listening to metal while ripped out of my mind on speed. it’s always been my childhood dream! but sadly, i can’t afford it with my buttoned-down sane living. this is where YOU come in: YOU can make this dream a reality by buying it for me! just donate some money to me via my gofundme page and once i have enough, i’ll post a few pictures of me looking badass with my badass car before we go up in flames! this means a lot to me so please, give if you can.