A tale of cat turds and extra sensory perception

Last night, it was snowing like a bastard so I went outside and moved my car to make it easier to get out when I left for work this morning. I cleared the snow off the car, hopped in, and started it up. Then I smelled the strong, pungent, unmistakable stench of shit in my car, like I had stepped in it and brought the foul stuff into the vehicle with me. But, strangely enough, I hadn’t. There was no shit anywhere. Not on my boots, not in my car, not anywhere I had walked in the snow. I shrugged and put it out of my mind, and finished what I was doing.

I went back inside the house a minute or so later to find Jenn coming down the stairs, holding our cat as far away from herself as she could, proclaiming that he had just shat in our bed, and was continuing to shit as she carried him outside. That’s right, the cat shit in our bed. He’s an old barn cat named Masuku who has always loved to come inside whenever we allow it, and Jenn thought we should bring him in last night on account of the inclement weather. But I guess it’s been so long since he’s been inside that he has forgotten what is expected of him there, and Jenn said she walked into our bedroom to see him squatting right in the middle of all our blankets, confidently releasing his bowels into our most intimate of spaces. It wasn’t like he was terrified and spraying diarrhea; no, these were fully-formed solid turds he was depositing, and continued to deposit as Jenn rushed down the stairs with him.

That will be the last time Masuku is ever allowed in the house. He really went out in a blaze of glory. Much manic cleaning ensued.

That’s a gross little story in itself but for me, the most fascinating aspect of this debacle is that I inexplicably smelled shit in my car right around the moment Masuku shat in my bed. How strange. I was just saying to someone recently that there was a period in my life a few years ago where I experienced several strange coincidences that really made me go, “whoah, this is spooky.” I wrote about some of those things here and here. I’ve gone a long time without experiencing anything spooky so as much as I want to puke at the memory of our damn cat shitting in our bed and down the stairs, I have to be grateful for — and try to focus on — the cool, mysterious experience related to it.

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Huh. Apparently it’s a thing. How about that.

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3 premonitions

there is something happening with my mind. i have now experienced at least 3 premonitions that have made me sit up and take notice.

the first was several months ago. i met a guy and asked him what he did for a living before he retired. just before he answered, i thought to myself, “fireplaces,” and pictured a wood stove factory in duncan. about a second later, he said he used to sell wood stoves. i was surprised but thought it was likely i was mixed up, that i had actually had that thought milliseconds after he told me but for whatever reason, it felt like i had thought it before he spoke. but it really seemed like i had thought it first so that stood out to me.

then one day while working in the yard, a phrase popped into my mind. it was “the exterminating angel,” except i knew that exterminating was not quite the right word. i wasn’t sure why it had popped into my head and i reasoned that it must have something to do with a poisonous mushroom jenn had told me about years before, called the destroying angel. neither exterminating or destroying was the word i was trying to think of but they were both close enough that i figured the mushroom thing was probably the explanation.

but several days later while reading a book, i came across a part where a character foresaw his death at the hands of “the annihilating angel,” and my brain did a backflip. that was the word i had been looking for, the word that had been on the tip of my brain’s tongue. i don’t recall an annihilating angel being mentioned anywhere else in the book so that really made me think something spooky was happening.

that was in early december, and i haven’t experienced anything similar until a few days ago when i was putting my socks on and thought of the faerie tale rhyme, “fe fi fo fum, i smell the blood of an englishman.” i hadn’t thought of that rhyme since i was a little kid, and wasn’t sure why it popped into my brain then. i considered how strange and dark old faerie tales are, and how odd it was that the song specifies an englishman (as if their blood smells different from other folks), but that was it. then a few days later, jenn and i watched an episode of rick and morty where they ran into a giant living in the clouds who spoke the same line i had been thinking of. once again, i was like, “whoooooahh.”

i think that for anyone who does not experience these moments of “whoah, weird,” it’s easy to write them off as coincidence or explain them in some rational yet totally unlikely way, like “you must have heard someone read that story to their kid recently.” but i know without a doubt that there was no reason i should have known where that guy used to work, that i have no recollection of learning about an annihilating angel prior to reading about it days after thinking about it, and that i hadn’t thought of that faerie tale line (or even the faerie tale itself) in countless years, so it’s incredibly odd to encounter each of them so soon after they popped into my mind for no apparent reason.

so despite usually being a skeptic, i think something cool is going on with my mind. it’s unfortunate that so far, i haven’t been able to tell the premonitions apart from the regular plain jane random thoughts. but a trend i’ve noticed is that the premonition thoughts seem to come out of nowhere, to have no link to anything i’ve been doing, reading, thinking, etc, so i want to keep an eye out for weird, random thoughts that make me go “huh,” and see if they don’t match up with something i encounter soon after. with some practice, i might be able to differentiate them from the usual shit.

this blog post will likely serve as the first concrete piece of evidence of when i started losing my mind.

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see you in 10 years, future self.