i don’t feel

i don’t feel much like blogging lately. i think it’s because i was blogging a lot for the last few weeks and burned myself out on it. for the last several days whenever i have checked in here, i’ve felt bored and annoyed, like i was just here out of some sense of obligation.

of course, that’s no fun so i’m making a point to blog less until such time as it starts feeling less forced.

however, there are a few things i want to get off my chest before receding into the abyss once again.

#1. i saw in the news that comedian kathy griffin posted a photo of herself holding donald trump’s bloody head. i don’t really care about this either way, but then i saw that old rocker ted nugent called her picture “downright vulgar, obscene and a genuine variation of a death threat.”

this is coming from the same guy who said barack obama could “suck his machine gun” and hilary clinton was a “worthless bitch” who could “ride one of his guns into the sunset.”

what a fucking hypocrite. it seems like lots of politically active people want to say incendiary things, mock people who take offense and call them “snowflakes,” and wave a flag for freedom of speech — only to cry foul when someone with a different opinion says something similarly inflammatory. it’s a bunch of bullshit. everyone should get some thicker skin, go ahead and talk shit, and not take offense when anyone else talks shit. then i’d never have to hear crowds of hypocrites calling each other snowflakes.

#2. last night i saw a well-dressed middle-aged guy, gassing up his very nice all-wheel drive volvo. his car had an “i [heart] vancouver island” sticker on it, and one of those annoying thule roof rack-mounted cargo boxes. he clearly thought he was a hardcore islander.

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you know you’re a wannabe outdoor enthusiast when…

then he tossed an empty plastic jug of windshield cleaner in the trash can and drove off. i wanted to say, “i see by your car, sticker, and cargo box you’re a real outdoorsy type, so perhaps you’d be interested to know that plastic like the jug you just tossed out is being found by the ton in teeny, tiny pieces throughout the guts of fish and birds in even the most remote regions of earth. since you’re so rugged and adventurous, i thought maybe you’d like to help preserve what’s left of our rotting world by recycling that fucking jug instead of tossing it carelessly in the trash.” but instead, like a coward, i said nothing, and now i hate myself as much as i hate him.

#3. i have been thinking lately that when i’m at my most depressed, i wish i would just die and get the shit over with. conversely, when i’m at my happiest, i wish i would die so as to go out on a high note. i basically think there is never a bad time to hop off of this ride. i mentioned this to riley and he responded that this philosophy should be written in a breezy large print bestseller and promoted by oprah. i thought that was funny.

#4. i went into a lee’s famous chicken and then a tim horton’s yesterday to get junk food for a wedding party. both establishments were filled with the most wretched human vermin: hunchbacked, confused white trash; toothless drunks; mute yet incredibly rude and dismissive ESL students. it occurred to me that perhaps bill and i should go for dinner at lee’s chicken and then wash it down with a double double and some tim bits sometime, and soak in this rich cultural experience that the cowichan valley has to offer.

over and out.

i don’t believe in disposable

i feel guilty about every god damned thing i put in the garbage so it’s not surprising that i loathe stuff like disposable cups.

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the sign of both a good party and a whole fucking lot of waste

red solo cups particularly raise my ire because of the association between them and good times, and that fucking toby keith song. it bothers me a great deal that we enjoy and even take pride in doing something that ultimately ends in throwing tons more plastic waste into landfills, oceans, sidewalks, etc. we should be ashamed of such waste, not writing pop-country songs about it. besides, why can’t people use normal fucking cups at parties? at burning man, everyone who wants a drink at any bar has to bring their own drink container. i find a lot of burning man incredibly annoying but that’s a practice i can get behind 100%.

coffee cups are similar. there is less plastic involved with them, which is good, but they’re way worse in the aspect that far more of them are consumed every day by habitual morning coffee drinkers who are too lazy to bring a god damn mug from home. as if they’re too busy to wash a mug each evening.

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you’ve got a lot going on, too much to bother worrying about deforestation and the great pacific garbage patch.

i’ve also been getting pissed about all the fucking non-recyclable bags that most of our food comes in, too. it’s all that crinkly silver shit that goes straight in the trash. i wish more companies would start using reusable, recyclable, or at least compostable bags. i won’t hold my breath for that though, not until more people start making a stink about it.

this stuff actually bugs me so much that when jenn and i saw the cure at an outdoor show in vancouver late last spring, i had a hard time relaxing and enjoying being there because i kept noticing ridiculous, redundant waste. for instance, i bought a 7up from a vendor and rather than give me the can, they poured it into — guess what — a red solo cup. so in addition to the aluminum can, there was now also this fucking cup that had to be dealt with. furthermore, there were virtually no recycling facilities at the venue, so all the cans and cups just went in the trash. god, i’m getting depressed even writing this. what sort of a promoter in this day and age wouldn’t have adequate drink container recycling at an event where you know people are going to be guzzling beers? so every time i looked and saw a weak-chinned or bloated goth (or ‘dark rocker’ as i started calling them)…

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this is what i found most cure fans looked like, hence the ‘dark rocker’ term rather than ‘goth’

…i was distracted from the fun, good elements of the experience. i realized i will probably never be able to enjoy a typical festival atmosphere again. what a bummer.

we are colossally wasteful.

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devour planet and move on.

return

i just got back from a 3-week road trip to alaska, the yukon, and the rockies. it was great but naturally, i ran into many things that made me think, “good grief, i could certainly write a blog post about this annoying thing.” i didn’t keep a list or anything but a few things still stand out to me now so here goes.

i can’t stand young seasonal workers in touristy places. they are overly enthusiastic, disinterested, too perky and chatty, ineffective and useless, and/or arrogant, and they are all oozing with burgeoning sexuality, without exception. each one is nauseating in their own special way yet they are universally intolerable. i used to be a seasonal worker in a touristy place when i was 22, but i hid from view of the public because i saw and hated the same things then that i still see now. in fact, on my days off back then i would drive in to banff to hang out with my fellow misanthrope from the cowichan valley, chris, and we would spend most of our time bitching about and glaring at the very scum i just described. misery loves company. yes, i was quietly oozing with burgeoning sexuality too. ugh, youth.

the campgrounds of jasper, AB need to get their shit together in terms of recycling. since jenn and i started roadtripping, i’ve been thoroughly depressed at the often complete lack of recycling that goes on in many places we visit. so this time, i brought a giant tupperware bin to store paper, hard plastic, film plastic, glass, metals, styrofoam, refundable drink containers, etc until we either found a recycling facility or got home where i could dispose of the stuff properly. when we got to jasper near the end of our trip, this bin was pretty full so i was pleased as punch when i saw in the campground brochure that they supposedly had a very comprehensive recycling station. SUPPOSEDLY. actually, all they had was a shack with a ‘recycling’ sign on it which housed a single overflowing bin for paper and a shelf that campers had left their drink containers on. there was a chute on the outside of the shack marked ‘newspaper’ but when i walked inside i saw the chute went to nothing and there was a small pile of newspaper on the floor. a sign outside said ‘propane canisters’ so people had left them haphazardly strewn on the shack’s porch. there was no place to put numbered plastic, or batteries, or any of the other materials they brochure claimed were accepted here. that blew me away. i figured national parks would be very concerned with decreasing the amount of waste their patrons produce, but it’s obviously not a priority to them. lord knows that improving their recycling program would be a good use of their young seasonal employee’s time, if only they could get them to separate their dripping, diseased genitals from each other for a few moments.

i heard a woman flush a toilet in another campground 5 times in rapid succession, like 15 seconds apart. i thought, “that’s a lot of flushing. wtf is she trying to flush?” i noticed when i used the same bathroom that the toilet used 6 liters of water per flush. so that woman used 30 L of water, and i still can’t help wondering what for. my guess is skid marks. i loathe skid marks too but not enough to waste 30 L of water on them, especially on a campground toilet. everyone is gross when camping so there’s no shame in that. i wanted to slap her silly but found the strength to refrain.

when you enter national parks in the rockies, all the literature the park gives you says “stay 100 meters (aka 3 bus lengths) away from wild animals,” but how many people did we see creeping up as close as they could get to the beasts? countless. i couldn’t believe it. the craziest was some guy inching forward to within maybe 10 meters of a black bear on the side of the road to take a picture when it suddenly started running in his direction. when it got halfway to the guy, it swerved out of the way and back towards a tree so i don’t know if something else spooked it, or maybe it was trying to bluff the man with a fake charge, but the dink didn’t even seem to notice. he just fiddled with his camera, the fucking idiot. i wish the bear had eaten him right then and there. the man probably would have continued snapping pictures of the carnage as the thing tore his intestines out, still unaware that he was actually part of the world he was viewing.

those are the things that bothered me the most on the trip. i plan on emailing jasper national park about their pathetic recycling but hey, what road trip isn’t complete without at least one email complaint once i get home? last year it was to alberta provincial parks about their ridiculously horrible little fish lake campground, which i whined about here.

they never responded to that email.

do they think their silence will dissuade me? dream on.

wash your ziploc bags, god damn it

i used to hate washing ziploc bags. i still hate it, but i do it religiously now because it’s the motherfucking right thing to do.

when jenn and i road tripped through the states recently, i was thoroughly depressed to see that my hometown is an exception when it comes to recycling and waste reduction. although far from perfect, we have a pretty darn good system here that allows us to recycle all kinds of crap for free. styrofoam, glass, motor oil, compost, tires, plastic bags, etc. all that stuff can be broken down and sold to companies who find it cheaper to use than new materials. so it’s win-win-win: free to get rid of; creates jobs and industry; and keeps the shit out of landfills.

but it’s like we live in a bubble here. as soon as you walk outside that bubble, no one gives a fuck about reducing waste.

we just spent 3 weeks driving through WA, OR, CA, and NV, and we only found a few places that accepted aluminum cans—that was it. everything else goes in the trash. and most places didn’t even have recycling for cans. so it ALL goes in the trash.

we saw private campsites with dumpsters overflowing with cans and bottles. if those campsites had a few bins for refundables, i bet they would make $5,000-$10,000 per year by returning them. and it’s all getting trashed. i couldn’t believe it.

but the plastic bag is one item that particularly bothers me because the results are huge and fairly obvious but still, no one gives a shit. here’s the average bags life cycle.

  • most people throw them out after a single use.
  • they go to the dump, but they’re light and get tossed around by the wind so they end up in the ocean.
  • sunlight breaks them down into tiny pieces.
  • fish mistake the tiny pieces for food and eat em.
  • the fish get full of plastic which causes cancer and various other illnesses.
  • we catch and eat the sick fish, giving ourselves cancer and various other illnesses.

that’s horrible. but everyone just keeps asking for plastic bags at the grocery store, tossing them when they get home, and ultimately killing marine life and ourselves.

garbagepatch

there are several sprawling masses of plastic like this in the oceans because we are wasteful, thoughtless pieces of shit.

when i was a kid and did the dishes at home, my dad made me wash the ziploc bags so we could reuse them. i hated it. washing them still sucks but now i hate it more when people don’t wash and reuse their ziploc bags and recycle them properly when the bag finally breaks.

i hope i die before the whole world goes to shit.

where have i been? to hell and back, apparently.

i just got back from a 3-week road trip to and from burning man with my wife. we had a grand old time, seeing and doing all kinds of cool shit all along the way. this was my third time at burning man and it was the best one yet.

however, i’ve got a laundry list of things to bitch about now.

  1. RUDE FUCKING PEOPLE #1. my mom had given us $25 in US change that she had accumulated so we brought it along to blow. in long beach, WA (lovely place btw, i highly recommend visiting it) we stopped by the saddest little flea market that consisted of only 4 or 5 vendors hocking the usual wares, and no shoppers besides ourselves. it was utterly pathetic, but kind of cute in a way. at least until this rude bitch gave me attitude for paying for her canned chocolate cake (baked in a jar and then canned to preserve it indefinitely…it was delicious) with change. initially she was very friendly and talkative but as i counted out the $8 in change, i noticed her giving me some weird looks. i thought maybe she was just weird and i was reading into it, but then she made a comment about bringing real money with me next time, as if her lone customer’s change simply wasn’t good enough. i guess she’d rather be alone and broke with her cake than take some coins.
  2. GROSS CARICATURES OF AMERICANS. at a popular fishing destination called hebo lake, we saw two super fat white trash dudes, both with their ass cracks very well exposed, who had to coral their vicious pit bulls to keep them from attacking us as we walked by, 20 feet away. fat. ass cracks. white trash. blood thirsty pit bulls. i felt like we just walked into an episode of COPS. i was thoroughly horrified for all the decent americans because it’s these idiots that a lot of people think of when they think of the average american.
  3. NO RECYCLING ANYWHERE. i was constantly disgusted with the complete lack of any recycling at most places we visited. most campgrounds didn’t even have bins for cans and bottles, they were all thrown in with the trash or burned in the campfire pits. considering the dismal US economy, i find it shocking. first off, returning cans and bottles is easy money. second, on an industrial scale, recycling paper, plastics, metal, oil, styrofoam, etc is big business too. what an absolute fucking waste to simply toss it all.
  4. PEOPLE DUMPING GARBAGE IN THE PLACES THEY LOVE. at the same fishing hole we saw the fat white trash with pit bulls, i noticed a ton of fishing garbage in the lake, like containers for bait, empty beer cans, fishing line, etc. if people like fishing, why would they throw their shit in the lake and kill the fish? it’s so fucking thoughtless that i want to wait in the bushes to see a fisherman chuck his empty bait container in the water and then sick my vicious pit bull on his ass.
  5. CALIFORNIA STATE PARKS SUCK SHIT. we camped in the redwoods state forests and they were incredible, but the park was in godawful shape. we looked on a map and found a 19-mile designated bike loop. guess what, it was a piece of shit. half the signs were missing so we got lost twice, half the ride was on a dusty dirt road we shared with a million cars, fallen trees lay across the trail every 5 minutes, the bushes had overgrown the trail completely so we couldn’t even see what kind of ground we were biking on or if we were going to hit a hole or log, and large branches hung so far down that we were at risk several times of being clotheslined. if that was a hiking trail, i could forgive a few of those details, but as a marked and designated bike route, it was absolute shit. that biking trip was one of the worst parts of our whole trip. what made it worse was seeing the shiny new office for california state parks just south of where we had camped. it’s clear where all the revenue from their overpriced campground ($35 per night and $8 for firewood) is going, and it’s not back into the parks.
  6. INEPT CAMPGROUND HOSTS. you know the people who live at a campground for a whole season, those are the campground hosts. you buy firewood from them, direct any questions about the sites and surrounding area to them. well, we asked this one old guy near french reservoir in CA if the way we were going would take us back to the I-80. he said yup, that it was a rough road and someone came that way in their car the other day and said they wouldn’t recommend it but yes, it went to the I-80. well, he was out to fucking lunch because the only car that could drive that road would have to be lifted monster truck of a 4×4. the ruts were so deep, the boulders so big, the turns so tight, the climb so steep, the cliffs so sheer, that of the 5 vehicles we saw on that road, 4 were ATVs. and then there was us in our crew cab 1-ton truck with a fucking giant camper in the box, threatening to tip over the whole time. so i’d like to give a very personal ‘choke and die’ to that particular camp host who obviously didn’t know what he was talking about but gave us bad info as if he did. not to be forgotten was the old camp host at brooks memorial state park in WA who shouted at my wife, couldn’t make change for us to pay for camping, and directed us to store next door that had obviously been closed for a very long time, and was even for sale. do these idiots ever venture outside their RVs? jesus christ, if you’re going to do something, do it well. even if it’s just being a campground host.
  7. HIPPIES AND THEIR FALSE REVERENCE. my first year at burning man, i was enthralled by all the amazing stuff. the second year, i still enjoyed most of it. this year, i loved hanging out with friends but found myself largely unable to look past the hippie bullshit. i like the temple and some other spiritual pieces there but what ruined my time checking them was the fact i couldn’t move in them because they were chock full of hippies crying, meditating, staring into space, and generally acting profoundly touched. are these people profoundly touched 24-7? get real. you can be touched by something and not dissolve into a sobbing, disgusting mess, you fakers. if i go to burning man again, i’m going to dress in a clown costume and come do gags and magic tricks at the fucking temple just to ruin it for all those phonies.
  8. LOSER TRY-HARD PARTY ANIMALS. also at burning man, i heard a lot of fake laughs and screams of joy from people pretending to be way more excited than they actually were. it’s so obvious and phony when people pull that shit that i don’t know how they can face each other when they do it. but groups of them do it together, and i guess that makes them feel more secure in their lie. i would hear one person going “AAAAAAHHHHHHH HAHA HA HA HA HA” and then another person would join in, and then they’d go “ha ha oh my god dude, seriously, like WHAT THE FUCK, ha ha haha AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH”. in real life, no one responds like that to something amazing, not even kids. it’s pathetic to witness adults doing it.
  9. RUDE FUCKING PEOPLE #2. i hate pieces of shit that feel like kings and queens of their own shit piles, like their disgusting little corners of the litter box are worth anything. i gassed our truck up in north bend, WA but the price i paid per gallon was more than listed on the sign. i went inside to ask the attendant. the 30-something year old was missing his teeth,  gaunt as all hell, looked like a heavy smoker and drinker, and had a smug demeanor. he was guffawing with some of his equally trashy friends when i walked in. i explained the price discrepancy and without even making eye contact he just said “cash or debit.” for clarification, i asked if that meant that by paying with a credit card it cost me more. still without making eye contact, he simply nodded, apparently annoyed that i interrupted his chuckle with his loser pals. i take solace in the fact that that gas station is probably the furthest extent of his pathetic kingdom, and that one day when he is fired for stealing from the store, he will have nothing left but memories from when he was on top of the world in that shell station in buttfuck nowhere, making me feel dumb for asking a silly question.

i think that’s most of the shit that annoyed me on the trip. it was actually a lovely time, merely punctuated with occasional shitheads, phonies, and ineptitude. in fact, i can’t wait to do it again!