Boring, Sidney

Last week, I had the subject of an old blog post contact me and give me shit about some things I wrote about them. It caused me some mixed emotions. I was annoyed that someone was trying to censor me; I felt guilty for having written such mean things about a person (which I’ve done to a lot of people here, over the years); I felt justified in that, regardless of how I said it, I still agreed with my assessment of that person. I considered taking down the 4-yr old post that virtually no one has ever looked at but after chatting with a few friends about it, I decided to ignore the whole situation and put it out of my mind. After all, this blog is basically my online diary, and I wouldn’t tear a page out of my diary — each entry is a snapshot into my mind at the time, and I value that. I want to always have this, to always be able to look back on where I was at a given time.

But one tiny detail kept nagging at me, and it’s this: the post was just plain mean. I still think the post was both true and funny, and I still value it simply as something I took the time to sit down and write, but I talk on here all the time about valuing kindness and ‘doing the right thing,’ blah blah blah. So I felt like a real hypocrite leaving this post up after learning the subject was clearly upset by it.

Fortunately, I was able to simply change the post to a private one that only I can see. So all’s well that ends well, right?

Not really. Now I’m thinking about the myriad other cruel posts I’ve made here about specific people, and I’m wondering, is that who I want to be? It’s tough, and really annoying. On one hand, I like voicing the dichotomy of my nature that virtually everyone struggles with — the urge to be kind and good, and the urge to do whatever I please regardless of who it might hurt. I mean, I find it amusing. I’m almost bipolar, at times.

On the other hand, I feel like the Jekyll and Hyde thing may just be a clever excuse to keep being shitty. Like, “I’m aware of the lousy things I do and that makes it sort of ok,” which is a fallacy — shitty is shitty. I also think it’s easy and convenient to keep doing the wrong thing one has been doing forever, and harder to change and live better, so being shitty is also lazy.

But I also feel like the quest to be totally virtuous makes people really fucking boring and irritating. I like making crass and inappropriate jokes, and I love it when other people do too. I think it’s good to laugh at serious topics. Heaven knows we’ll all get cancer soon enough and then none of the good cancer jokes will be funny anymore, so I want to get the laughs in while I can.

I suppose the difference between brutal jokes and hurtful blog posts that I find funny is that the jokes aren’t directed at a specific person. Hmmm. What I’m leaning towards here is that perhaps I shouldn’t single anyone out when making brutal yet amusing blog posts.

My next conundrum: should I go back over all of my previous posts and either edit the ones that do single people out (Jon Jones excluded, he’s a piece of shit through and through and deserves all the hate I can throw at him), or perhaps just set those posts to ‘private’ as well? I’ll have to give it some thought.

What an annoying post this has been. Not one of my favourite to write, and not one of my favourite to read in the future either, I predict.


Booooring, kill me now FFS



bad dog (walk)

our idiot dog seriously sliced open a pad on its foot a few days ago so she had to get stitches on it, and now we have to walk her on a leash for the next two weeks. it fucking sucks for both her AND us. leash walks are boring. it also stinks because she needs to keep the bandage clean and dry, which means walking on roads — also boring.

so that all sucks. then on the walk today, we went by a pseudo ditch that runs over someone’s lawn, and i realized just how much i hate to see this.


like this, but across someone’s picture perfect suburban yard

i was looking at it, feeling scornful, when it suddenly dawned on me that i felt much stronger about this ditch than i should. i mean, who cares? who gives a shit about a lawn/ditch on some random person’s yard?

i do, it seems.

and a lot, at that. and i have no idea why. i have no experience with lawn ditches. never had one, never played in one. as a kid, i almost drowned in a drainage culvert in a farmer’s field, which looks sort of similar to what i’m talking about here, but that’s a stretch. so i can’t really think of any good reason why i feel the way i do about lawn ditches. and that made me want to explore the feeling and figure out just why they irritate the shit out of me.

there’s something about seeing long grass laid down by a shallow torrent of water that feels really backwards to me, like ‘this isn’t a place where water should be.’ lawns and grass shouldn’t be swamps or water pathways. it’s weird. it’s unsettling. it’s like seeing a horse in space. the two just don’t go together.


it turns out that if you look up ‘horse in space,’ you’ll find lots of pics. maybe they do go together. what a poor example i chose.

lawn ditches also make me think about people and our stubborn nature, our unwillingness to bend even when we know we’re going to lose that particular battle. nature is telling someone, “i’ve got a lot of water in the winter and this is where i put it,” and that person is responding, “i don’t care. i live in a subdivision and must have a lawn. i’m going to ignore you.” and what does the person get? a soggy fucking lawn that looks like shit. they could at least line their lawn ditch with river rocks or something to make it look more natural.

i guess lawn ditches also remind me of standing water on lawns, which i also loath.


looks great.

i mean, i’m obviously no expert but common sense tells me, this is a problem. flooding in houses is a problem. mould in houses is a problem. water damage is a house killer, and anyone who readily accepts pools of water like this by their house either lacks the sense to put two and two together or they have their head in the sand. it might be hellishly expensive to deal with it but i guarantee you it would cost less than repairing water and mould damage in your home.

the funny thing is that i LOVE fresh water. creeks, streams, rivers, lakes, ponds, even swamps — i love em all. i’d kill for some land with any of those things on it. i’d spend a lot of time just sitting by the water, looking at it. but they’re naturally occurring and remind me of how beautiful nature is, rather than how flat and ugly people tend to make things (like lawns), and how stubborn we can be about making them so.


holy shit, yeah. this makes me feel better.

i also ran into a few annoying people on my walk and they didn’t make me feel any better. one white trash lady was overly friendly and in a really weird way, like she had brain damage or something and couldn’t read social cues, and then she gave me shit because my neighbour’s dog which had followed me wasn’t on a leash. fuck off, lady. call my neighbour and bitch at him about his dog. then just a few minutes later i saw an old white trash lady who i said good morning too, and she didn’t respond. every time i run into that kind of thing, i want to make eye contact and say with some aggression, “i said good morning.” i’m a miserable sod myself, and even i have the courtesy to acknowledge people who say hi. it’s not that hard.

what a day.



today i chatted with a guy who asked me why i wasn’t following the same career path as him. i explained why i preferred my path, and he completely disregarded what i said and told me he thought i was afraid to be “out of my depths.” he didn’t give a reason why he thought this, instead he just started listing what he liked about his job, as if to say “you couldn’t possibly prefer anything else.”


“i’m a smug, rude prick who doesn’t listen and has everyone else’s lives figured out better than they do.”

the funny thing is, i met this guy once before and had a short chat with him then too, and i didn’t like him then either. he came off as an arrogant know-it-all, sort of a windbag, and that was after only 5 or 10 minutes. i foolishly second guessed my feelings on him.

but today, even before he disregarded everything i had said and basically called a virtual stranger a chicken, he had still come off as an arrogant know-it-all, giving jenn and i lots of strong advice on how to train our dog. “it’s important to do this, don’t do that,” etc. so i’d already decided, “i don’t like this guy much.” and then he promptly hammered the final nail in his own coffin.

the odd thing is that i wish i could have said something as rude and judgmental in return to the guy, but i just couldn’t do it. i’d feel like too much of an asshole. i don’t understand how some people can think it’s ok to talk like that to other people, especially strangers.

but maybe a lot of people actually think the same thing about me.

well, fuck them.

this post certainly hasn’t helped me see this event any differently, or helped me to feel better about it. i’m still just as angry at the prick. great.

hatred for entitled dickheads

i’ve bitched about people on car forums before and craigslist idiots before. well guess what, i’m going to do it again.

a little while ago, a guy on the 4wd corolla wagon forum said he needed a part. he is in the US so i said i had what he wanted but i’m located in canada so shipping would be about $70 — more than the part is worth, unless he absolutely couldn’t find it down there. but he wanted me to see exactly how much it would be, so i packaged the giant thing up, made a trip to the post office, explained to them that i just needed an estimate, and got back to the guy that day. i said the total shipping cost was $70. he thought that was too much and asked if i could throw in some other stuff to make it worthwhile for him. as if a) adding more shit to the already massive package isn’t going to increase the shipping cost, and b) i want to give him my shit for free. so i explained these things to him (politely, mind you) and waited for a response.

and waited…

and waited.

come on, you dipshit.

after several days, i emailed the jerk off again and asked if he wanted the thing or not. he casually replied, “Oh yeah, of course. Sorry about that. Yeah, I think I’m going to hold off on it for a while. I’ll let you know if that changes.

well, i was some incensed. but after kicking some chairs around and yelling at nothing in particular for a few hours, i got over it.

then he emailed me this last week: “Hi! Is your cargo cover still available? A friend of mine in B.C. has offered to have it shipped to his address. Just let me know. Thanks!

with a large amount of subdued scorn and vitriol, i responded: “sorry, i’ve decided to hang on to it.

now of course, i don’t want to hang on to the thing. i don’t need a spare cargo cover in my fucking basement, and that’s not what i would have liked to say to the guy. i wanted to say, “you’re an entitled prick. i spent a lot of time packaging that fucking thing up and taking it to the post office for an estimate when i already told you roughly how much it would be, and you had the gall to ask me to stuff more of my shit in there (with no mention of actually paying for anything else), failing to realize that this would also raise the cost of shipping. that really pissed me off. then when you decided you didn’t want it, you simply didn’t respond. that’s rude as fuck. BUT NOW YOU WANT IT. well too fucking bad, you blew it the first time around. i’ll burn it before i go out of my way to help such a rude, self-centered dink.

hmmm. maybe i’ll actually write him a nice version of that. motherfuckers won’t learn they’re being assholes if no one tells them.

“i think you’re an asshole.”

patti stanger: barf-o-rama

the condo we stayed at on our vacation had full cable and jenn promptly went to town watching shows that had me in fits of rage. one such show was the abominable ‘millionaire matchmaker’, starring a troll named patti stanger. here is a pic of said troll as she appears on the show.

i knew instantly that this was some sort of mythological beast using a disguise to walk among us. so i looked up pics of her to see what she really looks like and found this.

sometimes my intuition amazes me.

now, normally i don’t sit around on my tropical vacations, looking up pictures of people i hate, but stanger really got me fired up for a few reasons. her phony ‘i’m brash and rude but i tell it like is’ approach, which is clearly just a poorly performed stage persona, is just cruel and hurtful. she emphasizes superficiality and physical attraction when she herself actually looks like your average wal-mart shopper. and, like any good wannabe diva hollywood show host phony, the focus must always be on her. never mind the people she is trying to set up, if she can find a reason to cut someone off mid-sentence to insult them, or barge in on a conversation between two people to criticize them for something inane, she will do it.

i’m not an idiot though. i understand this is tv designed for mass consumption by lowest common denominator white trash, and grizzled ol’ stanger is just being a savvy business woman by giving the pleebs what they want. but i guess i’m not ok with people acting phony, hurtful, and hypocritical for the sake of a fat paycheque.

you know what else i hate about the show? i hate grown adults acting like fucking kids, going “yaaaayyyy” and clapping their hands excitedly. stanger and her little helpers do it all the time. too bad it’s not cute or funny, no matter who does it. it’s childish as all hell, and thoroughly disingenuous. NOBODY actually reacts like that so if you see someone do it, slap them and say, “get real.” i also don’t like high-fiving very much.