lame adult jokes

I’ve always noticed and hated lame adult jokes. My dad has made them for as long as I can remember. I’m talking about G-rated jokes that don’t make any sense, aren’t really relevant to whatever else is going on at the moment, and often rely on some sort of sound element, like a rhyme or alliteration. A fine example of what I’m talking about: once when I was a kid, I said something wasn’t nice and my dad responded, “nice as ice?” It didn’t make any sense since I wasn’t talking about anything cold or water-related. Something in his tone was supremely irritating too. He said it in a way that suggested he was being quite clever and funny, when he was being neither. That line of his was, unfortunately, burned into my mind for the rest of my life, and I hate it.

It’s not just my dad though. Tons of adults make similar dumb, asinine comments. I don’t even want to call them ‘jokes’ anymore because really, they’re not. They’re just silly and stupid, plain and simple. I think it’s the fact that people who make those comments act like they’re being clever that really bothers me. I don’t think I’d care as much if they would add a disclaimer afterwards, like, “that was really lame and didn’t make sense. Don’t mind me.” At least if I knew they were aware of how juvenile they were being, it would soften the sledgehammer blow of their banality.

The reason this is on my mind is that in yoga class the other day, we used some small balls for some of the poses. One of the 50-something year olds there said quietly yet wryly, “I’ve got blue balls.” There were a few polite titters around the room, and then someone upped the ante with, “mine is pink.”

I heaved with disdain.

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Neither of those things needed to be said. Neither was clever or funny. Yes, we all know what ‘blue balls’ are but there was no sexual implication in what we were doing so it was a totally half-baked comment. It didn’t make sense. It was stupid. The second comment didn’t bother me quite as much as the first but I was enraged nonetheless that someone would encourage the first person by responding to the lame initial comment and then run with the idea, despite the second person’s clear lack of creativity or conviction.

I think that if you know you aren’t a particularly funny or clever person, don’t try to be. Nothing is sadder than watching someone fail at being a class clown. It’s like setting your sights as low as possible and still failing. It’s pathetic. If you’re not a natural class clown who people tend to find funny, don’t embarrass yourself. Just shut up and get your saggy diaper ass into down dog so we can get on with the fucking class.

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