It’s DELICIOUSLY cold out

I don’t like the word ‘delicious.’ There’s something gross about it. I hate the sound, particularly the “ish” sound in the second syllable. It sounds wet, and reminds me of salivating mouths of people who get excited about food in the same way that dogs do. It also sounds like the kind of word that a boring, middle-aged housewife who fancies herself an artist would use. I can picture this person now very clearly, and I’m sure I’ve seen them read their terrible poetry at sad little boring, middle-aged housewife poetry nights that take place in coffee shops and are attended by only a small handful of similarly depressing people. They wear scarves that are deep red because they think scarves and the colour red are synonymous with art and passion. Passion is another word I don’t like, although I don’t feel quite as strongly about it as I do delicious — delicious is the worst.

I particularly hate when people use delicious in anything outside a food context, like I did in the title of this post. “The pace of the film Roma was delicious,” you might say if you wore a deep red scarf and were a pretentious fucking idiot. Sorry to any of my friends who like to use it that way. You’re not an idiot. It just drives me mad. I know that’s my problem, not yours.

Man, writing here is a lot more difficult since my epiphany about not being so mean to people. Being mean is how I amuse myself. It’s probably a defense mechanism for cripplingly low self-esteem or some deep-seated self-loathing. I don’t feel like exploring that right now.

I still don’t like the word delicious. But it’s cold out today, and I like that.

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4x4ing is stupid

i just watched a few vids of rock crawling, including this one.

don’t bother watching it, it’s stupid and boring. it basically shows a few guys in cars they’ve spent a ton of money on, crawling up to rock faces, getting part way up, and then not making it. i can’t think of anything more boring.

if you did watch the vid though, you probably saw some kids at the start of it running up the same rock face. these kids don’t have V8 engines or center diff locks or whatever though. they’re just running around on their fucking skinny little legs, and they do way better than any car. so why bother wasting all that time and money and gas to try to drive up something when you could easily walk up it?

because humans are obsessed with conquering nature with our brains. i have no idea why but we have this weird drive that makes us want to constantly overcome our surroundings with technological force, like 4×4 vehicles. it’s like we’re insecure in our soft, fragile little flesh vehicles (bodies, in other words) and have to prove over and over that despite being so small and mushy, we can do whatever we want to the world around us. trees, cut em down. mountains, blow em up. rivers, dam them. you name it, we’ll fuck with it.

i’m not immune to this. i love trees and nature and the privacy they afford me but do you think i can part with my 4wd car? nope. i keep thinking, “what if my wife and i want to drive to a snowy winter destination? what if we get more than 36 hours of snow this winter? it sure would be nice to have that 4wd to conquer that shit then.” no joke! it sounds stupid but i have honestly made those arguments, in slightly different terms, to myself in the last few weeks when i have been debating selling my beloved 4wd station wagon.

i can try to justify my 4wd urges to myself but i know that i have the same problem as those guys trying to rock crawl their cars: i don’t want to be at the mercy of nature. it may not be quite as obvious or quite as out of hand, but it’s there, and i don’t like it. the human race needs to learn, or should have learned long ago, to live amongst the world around us rather than constantly trying to conquer it. all the conquering has caused us all kinds of grief in the way of unbreathable air, undrinkable water, poisonous meat, vegetables covered with pesticides, islands of disintegrating plastic in the oceans…shit.

it’s a grim future and i want to change my ways so that i don’t contribute, or at least contribute as little as possible, to the destruction of this place. i feel guilty enough as it is. i should probably start by selling my 4wd wagon.

well, that certainly wasn’t much fun to write.