ah, spring…

…when every dickhead neighbour fires up their lawnmower, weed eater, chainsaw, ATV, and anything else they can find to ruin an otherwise peaceful, lovely day.

the funny thing is that i recently started a misfits cover band, and when we were discussing where we could rehearse, i suggested my place but only on the stipulation that we were always done by 8 pm. because i want to be a polite, respectful neighbour who isn’t making a racket while everyone around me is trying to put their kids to bed.

but then i realized that most of my neighbours don’t give a shit about waking me up at all hours.

no, most of them think nothing of mowing their lawn from about 6 am to approximately 10 pm, every fucking day. it’s insane. wtf are my neighbours doing with all their noisy machines, daybreak to sundown? don’t they like sleeping? what sort of hateful sociopaths eschew sleep (both theirs and mine) in favour of cacophonous yard work?

one son of a bitch even had the audacity to blair nazareth’s greatest hits — on repeat — on three different occasions while working in his yard. i’m not even joking. three days of nazareth on repeat.

for those who don’t already know, nazareth fucking suck shit. i’m convinced that particular neighbour is a horrendous loser and probably has been his whole life. he was probably the kid that got picked on for tucking his t-shirt into his jeans back in grade 5. geek.

anyway, the solution to all this is clear. i need to move to a more sparsely populated area, onto a bigger piece of property where i can build a house in the center and leave a dense ring of trees around it for sound dampening. then i would need to buy all the neighbouring properties so no one else could have them in my lifetime.

until then, i’m contemplating having our misfits band practice strictly between the hours of 1-7 am, and outdoors, to boot. if my neightbours think it’s just fine to fuck with my sleep, then it should be just fine if i fuck with theirs too.

spring a ding ding

lately i’ve heard a handful of people say stuff like, “holy hell, when are we going to get some warm weather??” as if they expect beach season to begin in april. comments like that lead me to believe that the last three or four years of droughts and heat waves have warped peoples sense of seasons to the point that they now expect to jump straight from winter into summer.

that bums me out. i like having a normal spring, with cool days that can be sunny and warm one second and pissing rain the next. i like it because, even though i hate that kind of inconsistent weather, it means we are that much closer to avoiding yet another drought this year. i’ll take rain in april and may in exchange for decent water levels and less forest fires in july and augst. i mean, shit — a few years ago we had a stubborn forest fire just a kilometer or two from our fucking house because the summer had been so damn dry and hot. that was really scary. the real, legitimate terror inspired by that kind of event is not worth the luxury of tanning in april.

so yeah. there isn’t a damn thing wrong with the spring we’re having on vancouver island so far. everyone can stop complaining about it, and find something else to complain about that i can then complain about.