high expectations

this is a counterpoint to my previous post, which is pretty obvious and doesn’t really need to be said but i feel like saying it anyway.

in contrast to having my low expectations routinely exceeded, i have had a lot of my high expectations severely disappointed. it happened at work the other day. i met a woman who seemed pretty interesting and intelligent. i thought, “wow, neat. a cool person.” we talked for a while, or she talked a lot and i listened. that got old after a while but i figured i was probably more curious about her than she was about me so whatever. then she said a few things that were a little out there, some real hippie dippy bullshit, and i thought “this is going downhill fast.” then she told me that she doesn’t tell many people this but she speaks with the pope’s spiritual advisor on a regular basis.

so she doesn’t tell many people, except for virtual strangers she just met 15 minutes ago? give me a break. if she told me than she probably tells anyone who will listen. why would i be the exception?

needless to say, i didn’t like her much in the end. i thought to myself afterward, “fuck, that was disappointing.” she really did start strong so i feel like i shouldn’t blame myself for believing she might be cool, but i can’t help it. my sense of failure is overwhelming, even in this minuscule case. i should have been more conservative in my initial appraisal. fuck me and my latent optimism.

[as a side note, i just learned that spelling minuscule ‘miniscule’ is the old world way, and ‘widely regarded as an error,’ according to merriam-webster.com. i’ve been living a lie for all these years.]

back on point. i run into this too often, liking new people more than they deserve, giving films a chance, looking forward to anything at all, etc, and then being bitterly disappointed. so i’m going to make a point to try to be even more cynical and less hopeful than ever before. it’s the only way i will ever attain any sort of consistent happiness.

i feel better already!