so many bad dreams

my mind has been on a real roll lately. two nights ago, i had two nightmares. the first was that jenn and i suddenly realized that our house was actually a very dilapidated, rotten, rat-infested log cabin. i pulled back some blankets that were hanging on the wall and found a massive rats nest full of hay, dust bunnies, and chunks of chewed foam. then i noticed that the logs that made up the walls were so damp and rotted that i could poke my finger right into the wood. i was disgusted, and bewildered as to how we could be so stupid as to have bought a complete piece of shit.

the second nightmare was that jenn and i were up in the arctic with some sort of outdoorsy, expedition-type people. it was dark. then a giant yeti attacked. it was at least 10 ft tall and effortlessly tossed members of our crew around. that’s about as far as that dream got. that one really surprises me because i have zero interest in yetis, bigfoots, or sasquatches, and have never found them remotely scary. i wonder why my mind picked that, and why i suddenly found it frightening.


almost as boring as me recounting my dreams

after those, i was really looking forward to last night’s sleep but it was just as bad. i had a dream that i was getting married to someone — i don’t know who it was but i know it wasn’t jenn — and i had huge misgivings about it. i didn’t want to do it but felt like it was too late to pull the plug. then i noticed that my dick was hanging out of my suit pants. i was so embarrassed. i put it back in but moments later, there it was, out in the breeze again. i couldn’t believe it. i wound up borrowing someone’s spandex bicycling shorts and wore those with my shirt and suit jacket for the rest of the wedding. it looked almost as ridiculous as letting my dick hang out.

then i had another suit-related dream. i dreamed that i got my suit pants back from the dry cleaner but the silver checkered pattern had somehow partially worn off in the cleaning process. my expensive new suit now looked like a total piece of shit. the odd parts were that i wasn’t really that upset even though the suit cost almost $1000, and that in that dream, i thought a dark blue with painted-on silver checkers was an attractive suit.

tonight i’m going to try to direct my dreams in a happier direction before i go to sleep. i want some easy, pleasant adventures now. wish me luck.


a tangled web

it’s been a while since i complained about a news article but i just found one that got me going.

a couple in halifax was engaged but didn’t see eye to eye on the wedding planning — he wanted something cheaper, she wanted something more expensive — so the guy postponed the wedding. in response, the woman ended the relationship altogether.

then they went to court to fight over who got to keep the $19,000 engagement ring. there were texts of him telling her she could keep the ring but i guess he hadn’t meant it, or maybe he had a change of heart. she said she just wanted to sell the ring to pay off debt incurred from planning the wedding. but then she claimed bankruptcy, so neither of them get the ring — the bank gets it.

what a disaster, and what a perfect example of how petty and cruel human beings can be, even to the people we claim to love and cherish the most. it’s a good thing these clowns didn’t actually tie the knot.

my problems with this story are:

  1. a couple not being able to come to a compromise on wedding plans, and ultimately breaking up over them, is absolutely pathetic.
  2. both people going into debt just planning a wedding — not even getting to the wedding itself — is also pathetic.
  3. spending $19,000 on a ring is beyond pathetic. not to mention that the diamond industry is horrific in its treatment of workers and the environment, and carefully controls their own market to inflate prices ridiculously. every sensible person should boycott diamonds.
  4. despite their apparent dire financial straits, the couple managed at one point to afford a trip to mexico together for which the small claims adjudicator ordered the woman pay her ex back $3000. i can’t believe that a financially strapped couple would drop this kind of money on a vacation.

it’s all so depressing. i hate seeing evidence that these kind of people really do exist. i mean, i bitch about them all the time but i rarely see this kind of detailed evidence of them so this is a real mindfuck. did i mention he has his full name tattooed on his left bicep along with the words “reign” and “journey” in a crossword puzzle style? i’m not sure if those are the terrible names he picked for his poor, unfortunate children, or if they’re merely words the big cornball finds inspirational. he also has numerous other lame inspirational tattoos that mention dedication and being strong and have lots of ellipses. why do people overuse ellipses so much now, anyway? what a fucking ghastly trend that is.

man, there’s a lot to hate about this one little news story.


the unhappy couple themselves. what a surprise that a competitive bodybuilder would turn out to be crazy. i’m referring to her here, of course — some people seem to be confused about that, although i think it’s perfectly obvious.


la woman

just like i thought, summer really has finally begun. last saturday, jenn and i went to helgi and kyle’s wedding. we left there around 10 pm to meet liz and head to julia’s sister’s wedding but by the time we met up with liz, i was feeling bagged. i figured i would drop jenn and liz off at the cobble hill hall and then head home. but once we got there and hung out with steve, amanda, spencer, julia, and dana for a few minutes, i got my second wind. i thought, “i’ll just stick around for a bit and see how i feel,” and before long i was requesting rock lobster (which everyone hated, as evidenced by the suddenly empty dance floor) and rasputin (which everyone loved and returned to the dance floor for). everyone was having a great time.

empty dance floors be damned. the b-52s are awesome.

at 1 am, the hall shut down so we delivered some kegs to dana, spencer, and julia’s place and moved the party there. it was such a good group of people. i hadn’t met many of olivia and tyler’s friends before, and they were great. i hope we merge friend circles at some point.

the dancing continued and got better and better until it finally culminated (in my mind, anyway) with LA woman by the doors, at the request of a good dude i had just met, jordan. i’m a huge doors fan and obviously already loved LA woman but that night, the swaggering sexuality and rollicking, debaucherous vibe of that song really knocked my dick into the dirt like never before. it took all the fun and hedonism that had gradually percolated throughout the night and brought it to a rolling boil. i may as well have been a drunk in a wood-floored bar in buttfuck nowhere USA in the 70s, shaking my ass to the greatest bar rock band i’ve ever heard. that’s how intoxicating it was.

love em

there was no topping those surreal 8 minutes so we headed home and jenn drunkenly passed out in bed with a half a peanut butter and jam sandwich on her chest.

what a great night. summer 2015 lives.

“motel money murder madness
let’s change the mood from glad to sadness