I feel good right now. It’s been a really nice weekend. I watched some films I’ve been meaning to check out, spent a bunch of time with friends I was thrilled to see, and got some classic summer fun in. I feel so good that after I finished doing yoga tonight and was just lying on my mat, I had that sensation of full body joy I get when I feel really good. That sounds gross and sexual but that’s not what I mean, obv. It just feels great to see friends and do fun things and finally have this meat vehicle of mine feeling almost normal again. I feel like those are three of the most basic, important things I want to always squeeze out of this life, and when I don’t get enough of them, it feels lonely and scary and shitty, and when I get lots of them, it feels fantastic.
I’m bummed I have to go back to work tomorrow. At times like this, I think about how great it would be to never have to work another day in my life but tonight I reminded myself that if I had that much free time, I would probably spend a lot more time alone since everyone else I know would still be busy working and taking care of personal business. In that case, it might actually suck to have too much free time. It’s unfortunate that it’s a balancing act, that working is required so that we appreciate the free time we have. It’s one of those “you have experience bad stuff to appreciate the good” things that is both annoying and true — too much of a good thing devalues it. Like if you had Two Bite Brownies every day, all day, after a few months you might find yourself not quite as madly in love with them as you were when you only ate one bag per day. Hard to believe but it’s true.
Sorry for the diary entry, Benny. I’ll complain about something real good for you next time.