Captain Marvel movie review: it’s shit, just like every other Marvel superhero movie

I read an article about how the new Captain Marvel movie is a really big deal because it’s the first Marvel superhero movie to feature a female lead, and that’s really stirring up controversy.

Where do I begin? There sure is a lot to hate about this.

• All Marvel superhero movies suck, period. They’re trash fodder for lowest common denominator audiences. Vapid, empty, two-hour long turds meant to do nothing but numb the minds of cattle humans. No one should give a shit about these movies for any reason.

• Changing the lead characters in a long-established franchise from male to female is done under the guise of being forward-thinking and revolutionary but it’s not. It’s a carefully crafted and unimaginative move to tap into new markets and suck more money from a different segment of audience, and to put some kind of new spin on a tired, rehashed film model. It sucked with the new Ghostbusters and it sucks with this.
• People who care too much about comic book movies and flip out when someone changes the lead role from male to female are gross sponges with way too much time on their hands.
• Using garbage pop culture films as barometers for social growth and shifts is bullshit. This movie, along with Black Panther and the new Ghostbusters, don’t change anything for marginalized segments of society. It just makes the slobs who go see the film feel like they’re supporting positive change in the world when all they’re actually doing is shuffling their fat asses into a theater and gobbling back a giant bag of popcorn soaked with butter. These films make middle class white people feel good about themselves while sedating them, feeding them mountains of junk food, and taking money from them. There is no positive aspect to anything these films do for the world.

I’m so sick of garbage art being produced purely for mass consumption, with no trace of integrity yet acting like it’s all about integrity. This stuff isn’t meaningful in any way. It’s shit. It’s literally shit. I know that’s not technically correct but the way I see it, it is.

I just came up with a new Marvel superhero movie. Literally.