There’s a new Beetlejuice movie coming out this year, and it looks like a typical, hollow, opportunistic, cash grab reboot piece of shit.
It looks like the exact same story as the first Beetlejuice film, the only difference being now Winona Ryder is the adult while Gen Z hot goth queen Jenna Ortega is the angsty youth. SNORE.
And of course, it brings back all the big names from the old cast (minus the one actor who was busted for child porn) — Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, and Catherine O’Hara — so all the old turds who grew up loving the original film can lean hard on the nostalgia, but adding one of the biggest current young stars who also happens to be super cute is a shrewd move because Ortega is this film’s ticket to both the younger market and the horny dude market. Very business-savvy casting.
Having Tim Burton direct Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is smart too of course. He made the first one so there’s more nostalgia there, plus even though he hasn’t made anything good (in my opinion) since 1996, he has made lots of big/successful flicks so his name will surely get the Hollywood sycophants all excited.
I’m so fucking sick of this kind of soulless, shameless, empty nostalgia reboot horseshit. I just know that each of the returning cast is going to be given their big closeup shot or fun zany “remember THIS guy??” reintroduction scene. That stuff drives me up the fucking wall. Stranger Things does it in the first episode of each season and I’m sure Jenn is quite sick of me moaning, rolling my eyes, pointing out the tired pageantry, flopping about on the floor screaming and kicking my feet and pounding my fists. But I can’t help it, my loathing is that strong.
But guess what. I admit I might see Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. After all this complaining, I really hope I don’t, but I can see myself wanting a fun Halloween-y movie this fall. And that, folks, is probably the most depressing aspect of this entire thing. Now to slit my wrists.
crimson highway 