Last night we went to the Cowichan Exhibition, aka the local fall fair. I was really excited for it because this summer was a particularly hot, grueling one and I was looking forward to saying goodbye to it and welcoming autumn. Besides that, fall fairs always feel so good, so wistful. They remind me of being a kid, going back to school, seeing friends again, and all the excited emotions that go along with those things.
And the Cow Ex didn’t disappoint. We picked up Alex and headed there at 6 pm. Arrived in time to catch some of the tractor pull. Alex knew all the farmers involved in it, of course. Went up and walked around the barns and main hall to see all the produce, baking, art, etc entries. Bumped into an old friend who I hadn’t see in 20+ years, that was nice. Found some expensive but fantastic cupcakes from a local baker, bought $35 worth of them. Alex waited in line for a long time for curry, and just before she ordered the guy shouted “sorry, no more curry” to everyone. Poor Alex. Jenn and I got corn dogs and poutine from the midway and holy fucking hell, they were amazing. It was everything I had hoped it would be. Jenn bought lemonade which is the weirdest thing. Every other food at the fair is 100% trash but the lemonade is, shockingly, not that bad. I watched them make it, it was one juiced lemon, three or four pumps of a syrup, ice, and water. I don’t know what was in the syrup but it wasn’t much sugar because the shit actually tasted like lemons. The crazy thing is it’s one of Jenn’s fave things about going to the fair. I always forget they have it, and can’t believe anyone buys it when they could buy pop instead, but it was selling like crazy. I don’t understand.
Another weird thing about the lemonade is that it was only available in big plastic ‘souvenir cups’ which get you slightly cheaper refills. I don’t understand why they don’t just use the cheapest cups available, it would surely cut down on overhead costs and increase overall profits. There’s either something I’m missing or maybe, just maybe, the carnies don’t make the wisest financial choices.
Anyway, then Jenn and Alex got drinks in the beer garden and basically slammed them. Alex is always on a mission, she likes to keep moving. It was too bright in there anyway so I was fine with that. Went down to the midway, the kids and teens were at a full simmer. So many gross youth doing all manners of gross youth stuff. All so overstimulated, acting fucking stupid. It’s awful but wonderful at the same time. It makes me happy for them because although it’s disgusting, I can’t help but be happy for them, knowing what a great time they are having. We played some midway games, shot some cups over and won a stuffed narwhal for Stella. Threw darts, won a stupid plush wand that I wish we had left with the carnie. Saw one particular carnie who I couldn’t handle, she was probably still in her 20s but looked like she was in her 50s. She would have been beautiful if not for the life choices she has made thus far. Everything about her was tragic, so sad. I couldn’t stand watching her, had to look away and keep moving. I was terrified she might see us and start talking to us. Got lucky and dodged that bullet. I paid $5 to throw one basketball at a hoop, missed by a mile, gave up then. We wanted caramel apples but there were none. We asked the carnie if they were making any and she was quite annoyed and just said “we’re making candy apples right now.” Which didn’t answer if they were going to make caramel ones, or when they would be available. We saw the caramel melting in the boiler so we waited for 5, maybe 10 minutes, but then we checked the boiler again and the caramel was still nowhere near melted so we abandoned hope. We settled for mini-donuts which were a great consolation prize.
By that point we had done all the things we wanted to do. On our way out we walked past the Johnny Cash tribute performer who sounded absolutely nothing like Cash. I’ve heard better impressions of Cash at random karaoke nights. But I figure that’s par for the small town fall fair circuit so I didn’t really mind. We got in the car, closed the doors, and then the heavens opened up and started shitting rain before we’d even started the car. The timing was incredible. I hope the rain didn’t ruin the night for all the gross kids and teens who were still whooping it up at the Cow Ex. It’s been a shitty year and a half and I want them to experience all the gross joys of being a young horny white trash youth at the fair. No one should be deprived of that.
crimson highway 