When two of my grandparents died, they left equal amounts of inheritance to my brother and I, despite the fact my brother hadn’t had any contact with either of them for years before they died, and his most recent contact with them had been hostile, while I had good relationships with them. On one hand I always thought that was incredibly big of them, to use the act as a way to show my brother that they didn’t begrudge him his shittiness, and I have admired the personal strength it must have taken them to do this.
But on the other hand, I think it’s foolish to reward someone despite their lousy behaviour. I mean, if everyone gets the same prize no matter what kind of life they lead, why should anyone make any effort to be a good person? If you can treat your grandparents like shit and ignore them as they decline yet get the same payout as other people who work to maintain those relationships and support them in difficult times, why should you bother to make any efforts in the first place?
I guess you could argue that the real prize isn’t the inheritance, it’s the satisfaction of knowing you did the right thing, or some such poppycock. I don’t accept that though, because a) it’s fluffy and lacks substance, and b) it’s one-sided. The other side of this equation is that the lousy grandchild should feel shame and regret for their behaviour for the rest of their life, but you can’t make that happen, and I’m not satisfied with that imbalance: if the prize is the feelings we have earned, I need my brother to claim his prize too.
So if I had two kids and one was a fucking asshole while one was a decent human being, I would likely leave almost everything to the good one (depending on just how much of a shit head the bad one was). I wouldn’t feel good about that but it never feels good to punish a naughty child or pet or whatever. But damn it, you do it because you have to — if you don’t, you are teaching them that they can be a shit head and nothing bad will happen to them, and that’s unacceptable to me.
I want to be clear that I’m not mad my grandparents didn’t give me the money they gave to my brother. They never owed me (or my brother) anything. They could have given us both nothing and that would have been fine, or they could have given his share to a charity or something, whatever. I just don’t think he should have been rewarded despite being a fucking asshole to them. They were being too kind and generous for my brother’s good. An analogy: it would be like my grandparents taking my brother and I to a playground where I play nicely with the other kids while my brother punches some kid in the face. Then our grandparents take both of us for ice cream afterward, instead of spanking him and leaving him in the car like he deserves. Grow a pair, you old goats. You failed to teach my asshole brother this his poor choices have consequences.
I’ve been meaning to write about this one for years. I’m glad I finally did it. I suspected that I felt this was the just approach but I wasn’t sure. Now I’m sure.
crimson highway 
This made me think of older generations (those who were born in early 60s and before). Those that I know are very unbalanced when it comes to both kindness or harshness. My grandparents stayed in contact and kept a good relationship with everyone even those who were knowingly using them while I know others from the same generation who were harsh to everyone. I don’t know a single person that used the reward/punish thing even if it seems simple and logical. My father who’s born in early 60s went through both of these sucker/ass hole phases without even passing through a mid-ground!