Big horse camping diary entry

Prepare to be bored. Sorry.

***

Thursday. I drive to Port Alice to buy two used Apple HomePod speakers. There are some nice sights on this drive but there is still something about it I hate. It’s kind of the drive equivalent of Port Alice in that it’s got some cool aspects but is overall still too shitty, kind of gross and sad. Get to Port Alice, what a dump. Lots of cool 70s houses I’d love to root through and find cool light fixtures and shit but the community is too depressing even for me. Get to the seller’s house, car port has a mobility scooter and a bunch of detritus everywhere. Buddy answers the door, strong animal odour wafts out. Smells like a pet store, like full litter boxes and bird cages. Two little yappy dogs come to the door with buddy, they must shit and piss in there. Buddy looks about 30 yrs old, is very friendly in the way that white trash are that I consider a red flag. It’s a thin veneer. He is wearing a maroon-coloured housecoat that looks like one your grandfather would wear, and it looks like it smells like his house. He brings out the speakers, turns them on, Slipknot starts blaring from them. “Oops, hehe, just my Slipknot there, sorry about that…” You just know he relished that moment and thought I’d be like “WHOAH what is that psychotic scary music, why is he yelling so much?” I spend too long there figuring out how to connect my phone to the speakers to test them. I only manage to get one working with my phone but I’m too annoyed to spend any more time there so I say ok and buy them despite them costing way too much to be this blasé about the price. I’m immediately angry at myself for being so impatient and worry they won’t work and I’ll have to eat the $450 loss. The drive away from Port Alice sucks just as bad as the drive in.

I get to Hyde Creek and grab a sandwich and a tea at the gas station. I enjoy this ritual.

The drive down to Campbell river is uneventful. My shitty car stereo is acting up so I can’t listen to music and am forced to listen to a few podcasts. The Dateline one is ok, the Stuff You Should Know one about widowhood is boring.

I get to Jenn’s horse camping site where she is already. I help her with a few things then head into town to do errands. They go pretty well, surprisingly. I exchange a riser for a septic tank lid, and return two truck batteries at Canadian Tire for the $40 core charge refund. I go to Home Depot (one of the nine circles of hell in my opinion) and grab a bunch of shit we need. Most of the staff is surprisingly helpful here, I can’t believe it. I go to Superstore and grab dinner for Jenn and I (a chicken taco kit) and some Celebration cookies (Jenn’s favourite). Then I pick up bubble tea from a pho place in town. I am furious with myself once the lady hands them to me and I realize I forgot to specify NO ICE. Too late now. I bring them back to jenn, she likes them despite their obviously inferior quality (the drinks and boba, not just the ice). We have tacos and listen to a true crime podcast and hit the sack.

Friday. We wake up early, have some ok muffins for breakfast that Jenn got yesterday. Jenn does horse stuff, I walk the dog and immediately come across two small bears scampering up a tree. I wonder if they’re small enough to indicate a mama bear being somewhere close by, then hear huffing and crashing foliage near the base of the tree. The dog starts barking, I tell her to can it and we vamoose, opting for a less exciting but safer route. We finish packing the horse stuff and leave for Courtenay.

Nice short drive south by comparison to all of yesterday’s driving. We get to Courtenay, I help Jenn set up her stuff. Once I’m free I begin today’s list of chores/errands. A very nice guy brings his ride cymbal to me, I try it and buy it even tho I feel like a hoarder with all the fucking cymbals I currently have that I need to sell. I go buy a large shag rug from a very nice woman but as I load it in my car I notice a big stain mark on the underside. Then when I get in the car with it i notice an overwhelming dog smell. Great. I’ll probably use the pressure washer on it at home before I put it in the house. I go to Price’s Locksmiths and get a key for the Tercel made from the code on the lock cylinder. The old key was so worn down that it could slide out of the ignition while the engine was running, but this fixes that. I didn’t expect it would actually work so I’m surprised and pleased at this affordable, effective fix. I go to a grocery store to get lunch at their deli, find the deli has one of those cafe/restaurant areas that you used to see in department stores way back when. It’s deliciously sad and empty, with only one old woman sitting in the vast space, surrounded by countless unused tables and chairs. It’s perfectly liminal. My wrap isn’t bad. I plan on coming back here in the future. I go to Value Village, don’t find anything on my thrift store shopping list. I visit Boba Island for the first time after years of wanting to try it and am very pleased with my mocha bubble tea. Far superior to yesterday’s boba experience. I leave them positive reviews online.

I come back to the horse show grounds and help with setup for the show. That’s surprisingly nice. I met a lot of these horse people in the last year or two and it’s pleasant to see them again, and it feels good to take part in their event and be positive and productive in a community. Jenn and I take the dog for a walk and get dinner from an El Salvadoran food truck. Our order is up fast, and it’s fantastic. We meet a nice woman and her daughter walking their dog and talk with them for a while. We get back to our camp and spend a relaxing evening chatting with Heather and her daughter Mia. I sleep well despite someone walking their horse around the grounds at 1:30 am which riles all the other horses up. I wake up to horses calling and the sound of horse hoofs on gravel so my first thought is that one got loose. I wake Jenn up and she goes to check on Marvel and finds all is fine. Phew.

Sunday. Get up at 6:00 am. Take the mutt for a walk through the woods. Go to town to get breakfast for Jenn and I, and head to a coffee shop called The Mudshark Cafe because it has good reviews but I hate it. My tea costs about $4 (which is almost the cost of a box of 20 at the store), their calorie-free sweetener situation is a messy joke, my Earl Grey tastes awful and nothing at all like Earl Grey, and the breakfast bagel sandwiches I order take so long that I wonder if someone else has taken mine by mistake. On top of that, the tip prompt on the debit machine pisses me off — my light breakfast order already costs over $30, and there is zero table service, yet the minimum recommended tip is another $3+? Hogwash. Balderdash. I tipped $1, and after how bad the overall experience is I’m glad I didn’t tip more. Not over-tipping is about the only part of my Mudshark Cafe experience I am satisfied with.

I return to the horse show. Now Jenn has to call the tests for other riders and can’t eat the hot breakfast I got her until it’s cold. I hate hot food getting cold. I move the dog’s pen out of the sun and right then another dog walks by and our dog takes a run at it. I’m on her instantly, she doesn’t actually touch the other dog but still obviously terrible. I hold the dog on the ground for a few seconds, then when I go to put her back in the pen she won’t get up, and keeps yelping when I tug on her collar to try to get her up and in to her pen. I can’t reach her leash so I’m stuck looking like the worst dog owner in the world, like I have an aggressive dog that I abuse. Wonderful. Jenn asks me to help tally the scores for some of the riding tests so that some of the other volunteers can have breaks. I’ve never done this before so I’m nervous but it turns out to be quite easy, and I’m once again happy to be contributing to this event. Next time we do this I will volunteer more time for marking tests.

It’s now 11:15 am and I have to leave so I can do all my errands for the day and catch the 4 pm ferry home. Right then, Sebastian texts to tell me a bunch of the electrical stuff we need for building the next barn is in at the electrical supply shop. I planned my day pretty tight but if I don’t get it now it will be a week and half before I can get it again and that’s no good so I begin racing around like a maniac. I get that stuff and jam it into my already very full car, then get gas, then back to Canadian Tire for a light fixture part, then to Superstore for groceries, and then I begin the trip north. I get to Port McNeill right on time and am able to pick up some stuff I ordered at the auto parts store and get cash at the bank before getting in line for the ferry.

It was a great trip, and I’m happy to be home. I spend forever trying to figure out the fucking HomePods, I finally get them working and they sound great. Thank goodness.

***

Epilogue: that was my first time “coming home” to Sointula. I wondered if it would really feel like “coming home” after only being here a month, and no, it didn’t quite feel like that. In that realm, and obviously on its way to becoming that, but it’s just too soon and there are still too many things I’m still just getting familiar with for it to feel completely like home yet. In time.

vancouver island’s small towns – a review

Jenn and I just got back from spending three nights on Cortes Island. We were really glad to finally get over there and do some exploring, and today I thought it would be fun to do some quick, ruthless reviews of all the small towns on Vancouver Island we have visited over the years.

• Port Hardy – 3/10. Only spent a half day there so far so all I have is a first impression but it is this: not very interesting, not a lot of spunk or personality. At least there is some actual stuff there though, it’s not a ghost town. Great if you love fishing, which we don’t.
• Port McNeill – 5/10. Small and ugly but it’s got a tiny bit of charm to it. The giant burls are silly but actually pretty amazing. It’s showing signs of revitalization, what with the new brew pub that is always busy. We ate there and were impressed at how good the food was. There’s a tiny but decent thrift store.
• Port Alice – 2/10. Sad. Economically depressed. Nothing going on. Not many folks around and the few we saw all looked broke, weird, and/or had substance abuse issues. Too bad because there is lots of cool shit just outside of it in the woods to check out.
• Sointula – 9/10. Love it. Getting off the ferry here is like stepping back into the 50’s. Great sense of community. Tons of interesting houses. Very cute and adequate grocery store and hardware store. Shockingly decent thrift store. There are way more great hikes than the community lets on but I think they try to downplay them to keep tourists away.
• Alert Bay – 7/10. Pretty touristy so it’s not my thing but I applaud the indigenous community here for doing such a good job of marketing the island. For such a tiny island there are way more services than other comparably-sized towns. Solid sense of community.
• Woss – 6/10. Weird and sad but I love Woss. It’s basically a giant trailer park. Lots of cool shit around it in the woods and down the logging roads. The general store is very 70s-ish. Woss is hot as hell in the summer, cold as ice in the winter so we think of it as the Kamloops of the island. We had “dinner” at the pub once and it was incredibly sad and gross and funny, which is basically our wheelhouse. We were the only customers there, seemed like there hadn’t been any other customers for days, when Jenn asked about IPA’s, the lone weird guy working gave her a mystified look and asked “what’s that? We just have Lucky and Budweiser.” The appies we ordered were still frozen in the middle. God bless Woss. I want to do a xmas light tour there ASAP. Woss Lookout is a heck of a hike, and an unsung jewel of the north island.
• Zeballos – 3/10. Tiny, odd, also sad, but kind of neat. Met some friendly locals there. There is one fantastic view of waterfalls on the road Zeballos, and Little Huson Cave is just off the same road and is probably the single biggest must-see of the north island.
• Sayward – 4/10. Had an eerie Twin Peaks vibe when we camped there. Found lots of good hiking trails to neat places. Camping in town is neat. You think it would be noisy and shitty but in such a dead little place, it’s actually very quiet and nice. Plus we had a stunning view of marine fog rolling inland and over Sayward Mountain, which was breathtaking. There was an amazing diner here called the Cable House Restaurant but it’s gone now, sadly. It was fucking excellent.
• Quadra Island – 2/10. It really seems like Quadra should have more going on in terms of community and personality. We have been there a few times and found it dull and largely ugly. Weird place, in a bad way. The north end of it is more interesting with some good hiking and swimming but that’s it.
• Cortes Island – 5/10. Hornby Island gets all the fame as ground zero for hippies but its become so touristy that I think Cortes actually has this crown now. Lots of militant, extreme, old fashioned hippies. Lots of signs on every hike like “STAY ON THE PATH, EVERY STEP YOU TAKE ON THE MOSS DOES DAMAGE THAT WILL TAKE DECADES TO HEAL.” There aren’t a ton of people on the island and they are very spread out so it doesn’t feel like a strong community but I get the feeling it is. We really enjoyed Easter Bluff, Manson’s Landing, and Peter’s Orchard. The free store was actually quite decent too.
• Campbell River – 6/10. I know, CR is too big to qualify for this ‘small town’ list but I like it too much not to include it, and too many south islanders don’t know shit about it. There is so much great camping and hiking nearby, and some amazing eating too — The Ideal Cafe and Perk’s Donuts are two of my fave stops to make when passing through. But also, I like the old, shitty, working class town/redneck vibe of CR. It reminds me of what Duncan felt like when I was a kid.
• Gold River – 3/10. Not much here unless you are a retiree who loves to fish but somehow, it still seems like a pretty healthy little community. The grocery store closed down a number of years ago so you have to drive to Campbell River for pretty much anything which is nuts to me but despite this, the town still seems to be doing ok. I love that it’s right in the middle of Strathcona Park. If you were young and healthy enough and able to work from home in Gold River, you could do so much exploring in Strathcona, which would be pretty cool.
• Tahsis – 1/10. Tahsis is my least favourite of all the small towns we’ve visited on the island. It’s poor and ugly and that’s about it. I’ve heard some young people have started moving there or at least buying vacation property there so maybe it’s changed since Jenn and I went there several years ago but when I went, it was primarily comprised of poor white trash on social assistance living in rotten houses. The museum was a portable building with nothing from the last 35 years because the town has done nothing but languish since the mill closed. There is a cave just off the road on the drive to Tahsis and that was the only neat thing I remember from our trip there.
• Denman Island – 3/10. I’m definitely uninformed about Denman, I really only passed through it on the way to Hornby, and I haven’t been to Hornby in 10 years so take my rating with a grain of salt. I remember thinking it seemed boring.
• Hornby Island – 6/10. It’s too touristy but there is still has some magic to it. I like the community center movie night, I like the free store, there are some lovely beaches, I liked how remote Ford Cove felt. Helliwell is cool too. Strong sense of community.
• Texada Island – 3/10. Texada is interesting because it’s a gulf island so you expect it to have hippie vibes but it was largely industry-based, and even though those industries are shut down now, the asshole rednecks are still there. Not a very friendly place. We found one cool hike. Oh, the museum there was actually really well done, surprisingly. The abandoned quarries with their aquamarine-coloured water were insanely beautiful.

• Power River – 7/10. Yeah it’s on the mainland. Sue me. We really liked Powell River. Townsite, aka the old section, has so many cool heritage buildings. The new section isn’t very special but it has everything you could need in a mid-sized town. Lots of neat surrounding areas too, like Cranberry. Magpie’s Diner was excellent, and very popular. Lots of great camping and hiking around Powell River.
• Port Alberni – 8/10. I think Port Alberni is generally underrated. The thrift stores there are fantastic. I LOVE the J&L Diner. I haven’t been to The Donut Shop but have heard high praise of it from numerous people. Port Alberni is doing a great job of riding the line between ‘total shit hole’ and ‘revitalized/gentrified community,’ it’s got the best aspects of both of those things. If only it weren’t so fucking hot there in the summer.
• Tofino – 2/10. Boring. Too much surfer bro/hipster culture there. Too many tourists too. Some great restaurants though.
• Ucluelet – 3/10. Tofino’s less touristy sibling. Still a lot of surfer bro’s and hipsters but not as many, and not as many tourists. There are a few cool shops and bakeries. There is one nice walk. But if you don’t surf, there’s still not much here for you, and I don’t surf.
• Lake Cowichan/Mesachie Lake/Honeymoon Bay – 7/10. This trio is actually pretty cool. They also strike a good balance between being economical depressed/sad and funny but not too much so. We got deep fried ice cream in Lake Cow the last time we went camping out that way and it was fucking awesome. There is some great camping past Honeymoon Bay, fantastic spelunking (that’s caving for the uninitiated) and a crashed WWII plane up on a mountain.

I know there are others, like Port Renfrew and Cumberland, but I’ve only spent a few minutes in those places so I’m even less qualified to comment on them than I am these above ones. But heck, looking back at this list I’m pretty impressed with myself. I’m glad I’ve gotten out and checked out so many places around here.