just another night

I had a bad nightmare last night. I jotted down notes on it this morning because I wanted to blog about it but didn’t have time to write it all out then. I kind of like the notes though so I’m just going to stick with them instead of fleshing it out.

• large condo
• grandma’s rugs
• bill and rob had laid flooring, did terrible job
• fireplace had been bricked over but smoke was coming out of it
• i got closer and saw fireplace was only half bricked over, and now big flames were coming out of the hole
• flip phone fell out of my pocket onto the floor in front of fireplace and started vibrating

The first three elements were just unsettling, then the fourth and fifth had me like “oh shit,” and the phone ringing is what broke me. I woke up screaming again. Well, Jenn woke me up because I was trying to scream but couldn’t. Fuck me, it was scary.

you’re coming along

I woke up screaming again last night. I was having a nightmare that I was in a hotel or apartment building — there was a main hallway, with doors on either side. There were a couple people around but I don’t remember if I was talking to them, maybe one of them? Anyway, I felt an evil presence and I think I knew it was a dream at that point so I tried to play it cool and was pretending to laugh it off but the more I laughed, the more intense the evil presence became. My laughing and the presence increased to a fever pitch, a deafening din, at which point I felt like I was then face to face with the presence. It all came to a crescendo and I could no longer keep up my brave face and I started screaming in terror. Jenn woke me up then, and I heard the tale end of my own garbled, sleep-paralyzed screaming as I came to. Holy hell, it was scary.

This has gradually been happening more and more lately, the whole nightmare/garbled sleep screaming/Jenn waking me up shtick. I’m not sure why. It’s not like I’ve been watching anything scary lately. I mean, I keep trying but everything I watch stinks. Maybe my brain is coming up with its own movies, giving me what I wish I was getting from all the films I watch. Huh, maybe.

Regardless, I feel like I should revisit my practice of telling my brain “no nightmares tonight, buddy” just before I go to sleep. That has worked well in the past. The thing is, I’m not having tons of nightmares or anything. It’s only like once a month or so this happens, so it seems silly to give myself the pep talk every night when there’s such a small chance of having a nightmare, especially one that leads to screaming.

Maybe I should just keep on waking up screaming. I think Jenn likes it anyway. Who doesn’t like waking up to that?