the human race casually filming its impending doom

Yesterday I saw this video of tourists standing at the bottom of a massive rock slide, filming it despite certain death rolling down the hill towards them. I wondered how a human could possibly be this stupid.

Also yesterday, I saw that the last nine months have been some of the hottest months we have ever recorded on Earth. Of course, anyone with a brain would already have guessed that what with the deadly droughts, heat waves, wild fires, “zombie fires,” and whatnot that have been ravaging all areas of the planet more and more of in recent years.

But we aren’t going to change our ways. We aren’t going to do anything of the magnitude that is required to actually make a difference until the flames are literally engulfing our homes. Then we will be like, “oh shit, this is bad.”

We are all the tourists filming the rock slide tumbling down towards us. The human race is, generally speaking, that stupid. It’s pretty incredible. I wonder if I’ll survive long enough to witness the chaos unfold.

hawaii is weird

jenn and i recently spent 2 weeks on the island of kauai. this was our third time going there together, and it was as much fun as ever. we always do lots of hiking, exploring, meeting nice folks, snorkeling, laying on sunny beaches, all the usual shit you do in tropical places.

but this time, i was acutely aware of a few things that i found intriguing. first, i was amazed at how universally magical that place is. i mean, i don’t even like the tropics (i hate heat and intense sunlight) but even i was moved countless times by classic hawaiian tropes. like one night on a drive home from the north shore, we stopped at a beach. the sun was going down just then, painting the sky all kinds of lovely colours. a bunch of locals were still in the water surfing. the moon was already out and particularly bright white that night. it reflected nicely on the giant rolling waves. the air was warm. it felt like i was living in a scene from a hawaiian postcard, or one of elvis’ hawaii movies. it was a moving, touching time, and i was grateful to witness it. it struck me that if even a sun-loathing cynic like myself could be so touched by what i saw then, it’s no wonder everyone else flocks there. and there were lots of moments like that. i wonder if there’s something in our DNA that makes people love the tropics so much, or if it’s just the result of marketing and propaganda. probably a bit of both. anyway, that evening on the beach reminded me of this great pornos for pyros song.

the next thing i thought was neat was the culture of the locals. people there (not the tourists, of course) are so fucking laid back. for instance, people in rush hour traffic in kauai don’t tailgate or flip birds or yell at each other. they slow down and allow other people to merge lanes, giving lots of friendly waves. it’s an amazing thing to witness, so different from here. the small local shops are loose about the hours they keep, and relaxed in their approach to customers. there is no high pressure salespeople hovering around you. usually the staff is more like a friendly stoner who is just hanging out there in case you need a hand with anything. families spend lots of time BBQ-ing and hanging out together at beaches. i find it all really inspiring. it’s nice to see people live slower, simpler, happier.

something i noticed that i didn’t like was how, despite the magic and slow pace of kauai, you could still tell the place was very much american soil. it feels like the US is only too happy to have a wild, tropical paradise in their possession that is convenient for every fat, old, white american to visit, where they can still feel safe. you just know that none of those gross whales would ever go to cuba or brazil. it’s almost like hawaii is a zoo where old white people think they can see how primitive savages live and even get a taste for it, but without ever being put in a scary situation where they might have to deal with terrifying non-americans. i wonder how the locals feel about the hordes of such mainlanders coming over and feeling at home just because they’re technically on american soil, even though it’s clear that at its heart, this place is very, very different from anywhere else in the US. i bet the locals hate it. i know i would.

hawaii isn’t a place i can spend a lot of time — it’s too hot and sunny, too many tourists, and too many people in general — but it’s a god damned fascinating place that inspires a lot of mixed feelings in me.

“what happens in vegas” is completely vile

i’ve never been to vegas and i have no intention of ever going. that doesn’t stop me from believing it’s the asshole of north america, if not the world.

my problem with vegas is this: the heart and soul of the place is based on the most base and vapid aspects of human culture. greed, superficiality, excess, a focus on inebriation, a lack of any real human connections. these are the core values of vegas, and i hate em. i don’t give a shit about limos, gambling, strippers, drinking, wash-ups performing shitty shows, desert heat, phony motherfuckers, or anything else that vegas has to offer. there are a lot of places i want to see in the world that offer real, genuine people and experiences, so i’ll take those over vegas any day. shit, even if it was all expenses paid, i’d stay in shawnigan rather than check out vegas.

for example, look at these las vegas-based pieces of shit.

or these pieces of shit.

or these pieces of shit.

do you think these image-obsessed phonies actually know themselves? i don’t. i think they are lost in the caricatures that they have seen on tv, idolized, and replicated. they can’t know who they are or what they like or what they seek in life because they’re trying to be someone else. and people who don’t know themselves can’t know anyone else, especially other phonies. that’s like two cardboard cut-outs trying to really get to know each other. “hi, i’m a one-dimensional non-person with nothing genuine to offer.” “me too.” [prolonged silence ensues.] and these are the kind of crows that are attracted to the shiny, glittery facade of vegas. so why would i want to go to their mating grounds and be surrounded by them?

the omnipresent gambling of vegas really bothers me too. it preys on the addicts and is a showy display of wealth for rich twats who want to say “hey, it’s no big deal if i lose $20,000 in one night! i’ve got more where that came from!” it’s like peacocks strutting. people who want to make that kind of display are insecure, shallow cunts.

the ridiculous overconsumption of alcohol disgusts me. i think of bloated, bleary-eyed tourists stumbling around like zombies, feeling like they’re kings in this fabulous place, when any sober person can see that they’re still just a bloated, bleary-eyed tourist stumbling around like a zombie. i also fail to understand the pride that people feel in reaching such lows. what is so awesome about falling over, puking, unable to speak, stinking like a homeless person? especially when you can do that in your own hometown. you certainly don’t have to go to vegas to get drunk.

let her die, there’s millions more just like her right around the corner anyway.

even the stupid ‘what happens in vegas, stays in vegas’ mantra makes me sick. it’s like justification or even encouragement for people to do awful things they will regret or not want anyone to know about. if you want to get away from your real life and have these dark secrets, you’ve got fucking problems, and any place that is proud to be a vehicle for that shit has problems too. god, what a shithole.

lots of my pals have gone to vegas, of course. many of them like to get wasted and don’t care about all the stuff i just ranted about. but a few of them share my concerns, and to these pals, i asked “what the fuck are you doing that for?” in both cases, it was a family vacation thing, and in both cases, my pals tried to make the best of it. both of them came back depressed, disgusted with humanity. even my wife couldn’t handle vegas, and she doesn’t share my misanthropic views. quite the contrary, actually. i figured if anyone would make the best of that place, she would. but when she came back depressed, disgusted with humanity, i knew that all my years of ranting were justified: las vegas really is a stinking, filthy, shit-smeared toilet with nothing more than a glittering, flashy facade built in front of it.

“welcome to vegas”