tercel work and irritated at my neighbour’s “recycling”

I had a really nice day. I did a bunch of errands first thing this morning, then after lunch I got to work on the latest Tercel I bought. I was doing a bunch of jobs I’ve never done before so it was a little intimidating, but they generally went really well, surprisingly — I usually find lots of shit goes wrong when you are trying to fix one job on a neglected old car and the whole thing gets way dragged out but this mostly went quite smoothly so this was a bit shocking. I replaced the front crank and cam seals because both were leaking like sieves and hard as rocks when I removed them, and the timing belt was badly cracked all over and about to snap so I replaced it too while I was in there. Then I replaced the valve stem seals. There was a lot of steps to that job, just had to be patient and go slowly so I didn’t fuck up and drop a valve into the engine (which would have been very, very bad and made many hours more work). Like the other seals, these were rock hard and all basically shattered when I tried to remove them. Spent a lot of time cleaning up shards of old seals in there, lol. Then I replaced the valve cover gasket because surprise, it was also totally hard. No wonder the engine leaked and burned oil like crazy. Those were the main jobs I needed to do on the car, now I can move on to the smaller, easier jobs. Yay!

In the midst of working on the car, I needed a clean piece of cardboard to sit the rocker assembly on while I replaced the valve stem seals. I had put our recycling out to be collected already so I went out there to grab a box from our bin. When I lifted the lid on the bin, I saw a bunch of recycling I didn’t recognize. I guess our neighbour had too much stuff for their bin so they put it in ours. That would have been fine, but then I started noticing that half the shit they had put in wasn’t accepted in these bins at all. Hand pump lids for shampoo bottles, bubble wrap, film plastic. Now I was unhappy, because a) it was yet another depressing reminder of how little the average person gives a shit about stuff that they SHOULD care about if they like the planet and want it to not be one giant dump, and b) this stuff was in my bin so now it would look like I’m a person who doesn’t give a shit about recycling properly. I know that no one was going to look or notice or care, the recycling truck just comes and dumps everything in because the recycling truck drivers also don’t give a shit if people are mixing up their recycling, but I knew that shit was in my bin, and that’s enough to bother me. So I didn’t like that. Silly.

Then Ben, Kate and I had a jam practice and it was great. We banged all the songs out, and really well! We’re getting better. I’ve been practicing 16th note fills and I’m slowly getting better at them, able to pull them off with less mistakes. That’s fun. I was feeling so good after, I went ahead and made myself a taro bubble tea. Yup, I did. It was great. Nice ending to a nice day.

I’m having a nice day!!

What have I been up to today? This:

• Took sleeping pill last night, slept like a dream (except for some very bad dreams I had).
• Had waffles and sausages for breakfast. Decadent, not sure why I did that but it was very pleasing.
• Took Stella for a nice moderate walk.
• Got rid of a bunch of stuff: dropped off our refundables at the bottle depot, took our recycling and garbage to the dump (what a name for a place, “the dump”), then dropped off a bunch of donations at Salvation Army. Did some shopping while there and got a few things for the travel trailer.
• Had a healthy lunch to assuage my guilt over breakfast.
• Cleaned the kitchen.
• Did laundry.
• Baked my new fave chocolate chip banana bread recipe. Shout out to Kate for this amazing recipe.
• Fastened our new giant dresser mirror to the wall so it doesn’t flatten us when the next big quake hits.

That’s where I’m at so far. What else do I have planned?

• Clean up the bodies in the crawlspace.
• Visit Barb.
• Band practice with Kate and Trenton.
• Finish a horror movie Jenn and I started last night (it’s called Old, came out in 2021 — not great so far but I’ve sat through worse).

And that’s about it!! Sorry about all the exclamation points lately, I think they’re funny!!!

good morning, world

Everywhere I look, I see reasons to have no faith in humanity. I took the dog for a short walk around the block this morning and noticed myriad things that just reinforced my already very healthy misanthropy. One neighbour’s overflowing “recycling” bin was filled with obviously non-recyclable materials, aka fucking trash. Multiple houses in the neighbourhood had their wood stoves going, but the wood is either wet or the fire is smoldering because the chimneys were all belching heavy smoke. I walked by hideous, new, poorly-built houses with white trash families piling into luxury SUV’s — repulsive dumpy aging party animals with unrealistic expectations of what their lives should look like, living with crippling debt just to emulate the lives they see on The Real Housewives of wherever and social media influencer’s pages. I heard people listening to AC/DC and loving it.

I know these are all small details but the picture it paints to me is that most people just don’t care or think about much, and the things they do think and care about are mindless garbage. I like to think I’m aware of important things but I bet the scum I saw today think the same about themselves, so we’re probably in the same boat, more or less. I think we’re all just trying to keep our heads in the sand for as long as possible, trying to ignore the wanton waste and destruction we are all responsible for, hoping to hell that we die before the world becomes too hot, polluted, and drought-stricken, and shit really hits the fan.

you did me a favour when I left you behind

I love smashing glass jars when I take our recycling to the depot. Now let’s just get this out of the way, Bowman:

What does this joy in smashing jars say about me? I mean, I hate waste like crazy. Recycling has its place but it’s still dreadfully wasteful when it would take less energy to simply reuse a thing. So it drives me nuts that when it comes to glass — an easy to clean, disinfect, and reuse product — we instead opt to collect it, drive tons upon tons of it around (and glass is heavy as hell so think of the fuel costs to move it from place to place), and use special processes to break it down or melt it or whatever, reform it, ship it out again. Recycling glass is maybe a little bit better than tossing it in the landfill but not by much so I don’t like recycling it — I don’t enjoy smashing jars because I am so wildly supportive of our glass recycling programs.

And yet, every time I go to the recycling depot, my fave part of the visit is launching each glass container into the metal bin. I’m sure the staff and other people stare and wonder why an apparently normal adult is making such a point to gleefully smash all the glass they possibly can, but I couldn’t care less. It’s worth it. Despite being wasteful and something I can’t abide by, I can’t deny that smashing glass is really fucking fun.

It makes me wonder about the odd drive so many humans have to just break shit. I mean, I am not alone in this, and it’s not just glass. People love watching building demolitions, and hit-to-pass car racing derbies. And when crowds of people celebrate it often turns into a riot where windows are smashed and cars are burnt and flipped over — and the people doing that shit are happy! So why? Why do we take such joy in destruction? My first thought is that doing so is like freeing yourself from the shackles of developed human thinking and living — we live in such highly structured and ordered worlds that I bet it just feels good to free yourself from that in some small way and say “aahhhh fuck it, I’m sick of having to make sense and have reasons for my actions.” It’s probably just a rebellion against the tyranny of a conscious and/or structured existence.

Wow, I think that’s a pretty good guess for me just sitting at my computer, plunking keys while thinking about smashing jars at the recycling depot. Not sure how right it is but it seems plausible and that’s enough for me. Well done, Janie.

^{chaos reigns}

on completely giving up and feeling ok with it

Yesterday, Jenn sent me a link to a news article and a documentary about how recycling plastic is largely bullshit. I only glanced at the article initially but did tell her that yes, I want to watch the documentary. Probably tomorrow night. I want to watch it and read the article because deep down inside me for a long time, I have worried about this topic. I have worried that it was bullshit but I have been burying those thoughts and continuing to fight the good fight because when I think about all the fucking mountains of plastic garbage we produce, I have needed something to help me live with that knowledge, to help me feel like at least I am personally doing “the right thing.” I needed to so I could sleep at night.

But over the last year or so, my misanthropy has ratcheted up a few notches. I think I have even less hope than ever before that humanity can right this sinking ship. It seems like no matter what I think about, I see nothing but our insatiable desire to consume more and more useless shit, to personally benefit from the suffering of those beneath us, to not give a hot rat fuck about any of the awful shit we can’t physically see in front of us. We humans are blank-eyed imbeciles, mindlessly chewing on the bones of weaker humans, shitting putrid toxic waste all over the planet we think we care about. I can’t stop seeing it in everything done by me and everyone else.

I may have a bit of a problem with depression, depending on how you view things. But at the same time, I’m honestly happy that I am finally ready to confront the possibilities that some things that have I have held sacred for so long are utter bullshit. I think it takes a certain amount of personal strength to do that, so I will be proud to shed some dead weight, let go of those things, and see where my views on various stuff land afterward.

And on a weird, masochistic level, I look forward to the totality of having absolutely zero faith in humanity eventually. I feel like, at that point, my heart will become a black hole. My disdain for the human race will finally be complete, distilled, pure. As bleak and hopeless as that is, it seems like some kind of amazing accomplishment in nihilism — the ultimate anti-accomplishment, in a way.

Here’s a clip from First Reformed that has stuck with me since I saw it. I really relate to the scene, and it relates to this topic.

Sept 27th 2019 rant cont’d

There’s one important thing I meant to bitch about in my last post but forgot to. You know you lead a pampered life when your list of things to complain about is so long that you actually forget what you wanted to bitch about in the first place.

That little gem is this: humans are so keen on making new products that we make mountains of shit with no thought as to disposal of the stuff once its usefulness has ended. Take used motor oil, for example. How many decades were people using the stuff and dumping it down storm drains or in the dirt or putting it out with the trash to go to the landfill? How long was it before we finally had the infrastructure to dispose of the stuff safely, or better yet, give it another life doing something else? It was probably close to 100 years. One hundred fucking years. And you can bet your balls the human race used a metric shit ton of the stuff in that time. I don’t doubt that, at the start, scientists probably thought motor oil was harmless or even good for people and the environment. But by the 70’s everyone knew better, yet it still took another 30 years before recycling it became easy for the average bumpkin to do. That’s beyond alarming.

I think it’s like that with most advancements. Whoever comes up with the great new product just wants to get it out and on the market — they’re not concerned with the harm their little invention will do after people are done playing with it. It’s not until we have piles of the stuff sitting around that we start scratching our heads and saying, “gee, the batteries in these devices are leaving all kinds of weird shit in the ground when we bury them. I wonder what we should do with them.” We should be asking those questions before the wheels on the assembly lines even start turning — before manufacturers are allowed to make stuff, they should present the public with informed plans as to what should be done with their shit after it’s dead. Of course, the average jerk should also care more about this kind of thing before they eagerly run out to buy the junk in the first place and promptly toss it in the landfill.

There. Now my masterpiece is complete. Since it has two parts, you might call it an epic, or my magnum opus.

Lord, I love a turtleneck.

Sept 27th 2019 rant

I’ve got some more environmental shit to say.

I just read an article on how plastics meant for recycling in BC end up shipped to Malaysia where they are dumped and burned. I think this is fucked on a few levels.

First off, why are we shipping our recycling around the world? The shipping industry uses incredible amounts of fossil fuels to power their vessels so it’s like one step forward, two steps back. It’s like burning coal to charge your electric vehicle, the process outweighs the end goal. Whoever is in charge of this system fucked up royally. It’s bad right out of the gates.

Secondly, why don’t we recycle our own shit here in BC, or at least have several major recycling plants throughout Canada? People are always pissing and moaning about jobs so why not create jobs that also allow us to deal with our own waste, right here? It would take care of three problems at once by 1) creating jobs, 2) taking care of our recycling with higher, cleaner standards, and 3) avoid wastefully shipping our recycling around the world.

And hey, since I’ve got all the answers, I’ve got another brilliant idea you’re probably dying to know. With all the federal election stuff going on and every party promising the moon, I’ve been feeling especially disillusioned — remember when the Liberals promised proportional representation, only to completely backtrack on it? Remember their big change in climate policy talk, and how they then bought a fucking half-built oil pipeline? Well, this stuff has got me thinking that voting for egomaniacal politicians who rarely deliver on what they promise is the wrong approach to politics. Instead, I think we average citizens should be voting many times throughout the year on the various things that the politicians vote on. I’m talking about more of a people-powered government. So for example, rather than have the members of parliament vote on stuff, every Canadian citizen should be able to vote, and online so we all have easy access to it. I know, it’s a stupid idea since the average citizen doesn’t have the time to become fully informed on countless issues, but it seems like politicians who are paid very well to do that stuff for us are doing such an abysmal job that I can’t help but think of some kind of alternative.

That’s it for today’s rant.

People will always do what’s easiest for them, even if the costs for it are exorbitantly high

A friend just sent me a news article about how reusable cloth shopping bags are actually worse for the environment than plastic bags. I think the article was misleading and essentially clickbait because it only spoke specifically about cotton and organic cotton reusable shopping bags, and almost all of my reusable ones are not made from cotton at all. What about all those other non-cotton reusable bags? That’s the first “hmmm” moment I had about the article.

The second moment came when the article said reusable bags cause far more damage because of the footprint that goes into making them…but then it acknowledged that the study being quoted here didn’t take ocean waste into consideration, which is where the majority of single use plastic bags end up. That’s like saying “the sun does not cause skin damage,” then acknowledging you didn’t actually look at skin damage caused by the sun. If you’re talking about what happens to a thing but disregarding what happens to the majority of that thing, you don’t have a fucking clue what you’re talking about. It’s absurd.

So I thought the article was largely junk. But there was one part that I agreed with, which was that the best thing to do was reuse all bags as much as possible and then recycle them when they’re no good anymore…

…Unfortunately, that’s useless advice because no one in North America cares enough to follow it. And I think that is our fatal flaw in all things: we know what we should do to improve things, but virtually none of us do it if it takes any effort whatsoever.

For example, there is a stretch of highway around here that is notorious for fatal accidents. What is the simplest, cheapest, most effective solution? Well, people could just drive slower on that highway.

But that doesn’t happen. Instead, the highway has been rebuilt countless times, widened, and barriers added throughout almost its entire stretch — all to the tune of millions of dollars spent over decades, and years of gridlocked traffic during construction. And guess what. Accidents still occur, because people are still driving too fast.

The moral of the story here is we are too impatient and self-centered to do the right thing. So yeah, people should just reuse their plastic bags and then recycle them when they’re done, but it will never, ever happen because we’re all too lazy and thoughtless to do it. We will always do the easier thing, even if it costs us mountains in money, life, freedom, etc.

In other words, humans are shit.

As long as plastic bags are around, they will always end up in the ocean. So what’s my solution? Simple: exterminate the human race.

Chocolate diet

Sometimes I really wrestle with my job. I feel like a lot of what I’m paid to do is virtually pointless, and some of it is even completely out of line with my personal values. I won’t go into any great detail here but as a small example, my job creates a lot of waste — tons upon tons of plastic and that goes straight to the dump. I can’t condone that kind of thing with a clear conscience.

And when I think about other careers, I think of aspects of  them that I would have just as hard a time with. I think about border guards and how they have to strictly enforce laws that they must know are fucking idiotic — like the US treating grass the same way they treat heroin. I can’t imagine busting someone for having some pot in their car and making a big stink out of it when I don’t think it’s worth giving a moment of thought.

Or if I was a lawyer, I’d have a hell of a hard time representing some clients, and prosecuting others. If my gut or the evidence pointed to something other than what I was fighting for, I don’t know how I would reconcile that.

I just have a lot of problems with a lot of things people generally do, and that applies to careers just like it does to anything else. Maybe if I worked at some kind of recycling center, that’s something I would probably be able to get behind. Or better yet, if there was some way I could make a living by promoting anti-consumerism, encouraging people to use less of everything, that would be great. Or if I was a hangman. There are way too many people around so good or bad, guilty or innocent, I could certainly justify thinning the herd a little bit.

Realistically, there aren’t many options for a misanthrope like myself to make a buck and not hate myself and the human race even more in the process.

I should probably just go on welfare, stop reading the news, and never leave my house again. Like I always say, “if you can’t beat them, pull out of the rat race and live the rest of your miserable life in isolation.”

It’s not you, it’s you AND me.

I read a news article on how Nestle and Tim Horton’s are Canada’s biggest plastic polluters. This was determined after a collection of environmental groups picked up tons of plastic trash throughout Vancouver, Toronto, Montreal, and Halifax last month.

The article went on to say that easily recyclable items, like plastic bottles, were about as common as items that are more difficult to recycle, like chip and candy bar wrappers. Sarah King, head of Greenpeace Canada’s oceans and plastics campaign, said she believes that it’s the companies that make the products that should be held responsible for this mess, not the consumer: “We aren’t given a lot of options for buying food and household products in plastic-free packaging,” she said.

I don’t buy that for a second. I think everyone should consider themselves responsible — companies obviously shouldn’t make single use shit, but if they do, why should consumers be absolved of any guilt for purchasing the stuff? As if someone has a gun to our heads, forcing us to buy iced lattes-to-go and Doritos, as if we couldn’t possibly find an apple or banana somewhere instead, as if we’re all starving and will die if we don’t stuff our faces with some garbage food ASAP, as if the majority of our population isn’t obese and would actually benefit from avoiding a few lattes and Doritos.

It’s happening again.

I think the fact that so much waste that is easily recyclable and even refundable still gets carelessly tossed is an obvious sign that the problem does not solely reside with the companies making the stuff. 99.9% of us are lazy scum who can’t be bothered to bring a reusable coffee cup with us even though we buy about eight coffees every fucking day, so we should feel just as ashamed as the companies who are so eager to appease our wasteful consumer tastes.

Yeah, the companies making single-use junk are short-sighted, despicable filth, but so are the people who a) buy that stuff and b) can’t even be bothered to reuse or recycle it.

No one is innocent. We are all complicit. I’m annoyed, let’s bust out the gallows.

10 reasons why the human race deserves to choke